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Substance Abuse
Was told we should not shame the alcoholic?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 739195" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I dont think you are shaming him. I call that setting boundaries. I also dont think it is shaming to point out that the addict is making poor choices and can change. You arent calling him names. You are telling him your expectations when he is around you. I personally dont feel it is shaming somebody to point out that drinking makes them sick and intolerable and that the person needs to stop in order to live a good life. If you dont want him around you when drunk that is completely reasonable.</p><p></p><p>Cutting back is a joke. Stopping is the only way. And its up to each person to do it. Or not.</p><p></p><p>If your son is being mean or unreasonable or demanding money from you Id tell him you are ending the text/call and will only talk to him when he is not intoxicated and can be calm and nice. And its fine to refuse to listen to drinking woes that HE brings on. Nobody else is pouring booze down his throat but him. Then end the current contact. End it each time he steps across your boundaries.</p><p></p><p>If any of this is considered shaming in your Al Anon group I would find another one. Each group has its own personality.</p><p></p><p>One thing I would stop doing is telling your son what to do. He knows all about rehab and how to find many. He knows that medically he can not stop on his own or he gets sick. He knows he needs more money and should work. Nagging doesnt help. I would give him short responses. Example:</p><p></p><p>Him; i feel dizzy and sick and I cant stand up.</p><p></p><p>You: im sorry you dont feel well.</p><p></p><p>Him: thats all you can say? You dont care?</p><p></p><p>You: I care but you need to get help yourself.</p><p></p><p>Him: Oh, youre bringing up drinking again! Im cutting back!</p><p></p><p>You: Ok.</p><p></p><p>Him: I am! But I missed work and need money or Ill get evicted! Will you at least send me money and show you care about me?</p><p></p><p>You: Im sorry about that. I do have to go now. Somebody is at the door. I love you. (Disconnect call or the text as he cusses at you and dont answer or read anything he sends for a designated amount of time that you decide on.) You cant do anything for him from far away (or close) and this will make you sick if you keep it up. You need space from him.</p><p></p><p>You deserve to treat yourself well and focus on you and your loved ones who are kind to you.</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 739195, member: 1550"] I dont think you are shaming him. I call that setting boundaries. I also dont think it is shaming to point out that the addict is making poor choices and can change. You arent calling him names. You are telling him your expectations when he is around you. I personally dont feel it is shaming somebody to point out that drinking makes them sick and intolerable and that the person needs to stop in order to live a good life. If you dont want him around you when drunk that is completely reasonable. Cutting back is a joke. Stopping is the only way. And its up to each person to do it. Or not. If your son is being mean or unreasonable or demanding money from you Id tell him you are ending the text/call and will only talk to him when he is not intoxicated and can be calm and nice. And its fine to refuse to listen to drinking woes that HE brings on. Nobody else is pouring booze down his throat but him. Then end the current contact. End it each time he steps across your boundaries. If any of this is considered shaming in your Al Anon group I would find another one. Each group has its own personality. One thing I would stop doing is telling your son what to do. He knows all about rehab and how to find many. He knows that medically he can not stop on his own or he gets sick. He knows he needs more money and should work. Nagging doesnt help. I would give him short responses. Example: Him; i feel dizzy and sick and I cant stand up. You: im sorry you dont feel well. Him: thats all you can say? You dont care? You: I care but you need to get help yourself. Him: Oh, youre bringing up drinking again! Im cutting back! You: Ok. Him: I am! But I missed work and need money or Ill get evicted! Will you at least send me money and show you care about me? You: Im sorry about that. I do have to go now. Somebody is at the door. I love you. (Disconnect call or the text as he cusses at you and dont answer or read anything he sends for a designated amount of time that you decide on.) You cant do anything for him from far away (or close) and this will make you sick if you keep it up. You need space from him. You deserve to treat yourself well and focus on you and your loved ones who are kind to you. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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Was told we should not shame the alcoholic?
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