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Substance Abuse
Was told we should not shame the alcoholic?
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 739220" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Trying</p><p></p><p>You have gotten great advice here. YOU CANNOT FIX YOUR SON. You just can't. You can kill yourself trying though!</p><p></p><p>Once I realized I could not fix my son, I felt relieved. I had spent so much energy trying to figure it out.</p><p></p><p>I had to accept that I am a mom who loves her son. I am not an addiction professional. I don't have all the answers. My son has to decide how he wants to live his life and who he wants to be. That is something each and every one of us has to do.</p><p></p><p>The ONLY thing holding your son back is YOUR son himself. This is a realization he must make. You cannot make it for him. No one can.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if you see a therapist or have some kind of outlet for your frustration, hurt and anger but I did and it helped me tremendously.</p><p></p><p>I love the responses that Elsi gave you and I would use them. </p><p></p><p>Your son is playing you off your husband and my son did that and I do not like it. My husband (my son's father) and I will be together whether our son stays sober or not. I will never let him do that to us again. Period.</p><p></p><p>You really need to work on your boundaries with him. He needs them as much as you do. You have to protect your heart. I am not saying this is easy but I was able to do it through prayer, this site and seeing a therapist. It takes time but it does work. This could be a long haul for him. He may not get sober for years or he may never get sober. You must do it to survive or you will go down with the ship too.</p><p></p><p>As far as shame, yes that is an addict's biggest hurdle to get over I'm told. But that happens during their recovery not now. From what I can tell you are not at fault for anything.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and please take care of YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 739220, member: 15032"] Trying You have gotten great advice here. YOU CANNOT FIX YOUR SON. You just can't. You can kill yourself trying though! Once I realized I could not fix my son, I felt relieved. I had spent so much energy trying to figure it out. I had to accept that I am a mom who loves her son. I am not an addiction professional. I don't have all the answers. My son has to decide how he wants to live his life and who he wants to be. That is something each and every one of us has to do. The ONLY thing holding your son back is YOUR son himself. This is a realization he must make. You cannot make it for him. No one can. I don't know if you see a therapist or have some kind of outlet for your frustration, hurt and anger but I did and it helped me tremendously. I love the responses that Elsi gave you and I would use them. Your son is playing you off your husband and my son did that and I do not like it. My husband (my son's father) and I will be together whether our son stays sober or not. I will never let him do that to us again. Period. You really need to work on your boundaries with him. He needs them as much as you do. You have to protect your heart. I am not saying this is easy but I was able to do it through prayer, this site and seeing a therapist. It takes time but it does work. This could be a long haul for him. He may not get sober for years or he may never get sober. You must do it to survive or you will go down with the ship too. As far as shame, yes that is an addict's biggest hurdle to get over I'm told. But that happens during their recovery not now. From what I can tell you are not at fault for anything. Hugs and please take care of YOU. [/QUOTE]
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Was told we should not shame the alcoholic?
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