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Substance Abuse
Was told we should not shame the alcoholic?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 739232" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Dear Trying. He already feels bad about himself.... you are not causing him to feel bad he already does. He is avoiding talking to you because you call him on his stuff and he feels bad about it. His dad may be more accepting.. I know that is true of my husband as well... my husband is also more oblivious and it is much easier for my son to pull one over on him than on me!! You need to give your self a break... you are a loving caring mom who desperately wants her son to get help. He knows you love him and that probably adds to his own guilt. So if you can take a step back, let your husband have contact with him for a few days. Do some things for yourself.</p><p></p><p>The thing is unless he really wants help and to make some changes nothing you say will make any difference. So my suggestion is to stop saying anything about it. The suggestsions you got from Elsi were excellent.... keep the relationship there. Keep the love there but stop giving advice unless he asks for it.</p><p></p><p>I remember the feeling you have about not seeing how you can ever be happy when your son is so unhappy and is such a mess. I felt that way for a long time... I used to feel that being ok was as good as it could be. I am here to tell you that it is possible to have a fulfilling and good and happy life even with a kid who is a mess. Yes of course it would be happier if your kids are all doing well....but It is possible to be happy even if one of your kids is not. The key is to find things in your life that you love and to start living your life the way you want to... and to find other things in your life to focus on besides their problems. And yes there will still be times of worry and heartache but it does not have to be all consuming.</p><p></p><p>Hugs....</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 739232, member: 15801"] Dear Trying. He already feels bad about himself.... you are not causing him to feel bad he already does. He is avoiding talking to you because you call him on his stuff and he feels bad about it. His dad may be more accepting.. I know that is true of my husband as well... my husband is also more oblivious and it is much easier for my son to pull one over on him than on me!! You need to give your self a break... you are a loving caring mom who desperately wants her son to get help. He knows you love him and that probably adds to his own guilt. So if you can take a step back, let your husband have contact with him for a few days. Do some things for yourself. The thing is unless he really wants help and to make some changes nothing you say will make any difference. So my suggestion is to stop saying anything about it. The suggestsions you got from Elsi were excellent.... keep the relationship there. Keep the love there but stop giving advice unless he asks for it. I remember the feeling you have about not seeing how you can ever be happy when your son is so unhappy and is such a mess. I felt that way for a long time... I used to feel that being ok was as good as it could be. I am here to tell you that it is possible to have a fulfilling and good and happy life even with a kid who is a mess. Yes of course it would be happier if your kids are all doing well....but It is possible to be happy even if one of your kids is not. The key is to find things in your life that you love and to start living your life the way you want to... and to find other things in your life to focus on besides their problems. And yes there will still be times of worry and heartache but it does not have to be all consuming. Hugs.... TL [/QUOTE]
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Was told we should not shame the alcoholic?
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