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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 681394" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I know this feeling as my son is my one and only child. I felt guilt for a long time but realized that by holding onto it I was not able to move on with my own life and as long as my son knew I had feelings of guilt, he used it against me. We did the best we could and there is nothing to feel guilty about.</p><p></p><p></p><p>We all have had our hopes and dreams shattered, but they were "our" hopes and dreams. This is where I found helpful to grieve the loss of the hopes and dreams that I had for my son and I was able to let go.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, none of us are perfect. We own what is ours and the rest belongs to our children. I remember so many times when my son was still living with us and he would scream that he couldn't wait to be on his own, how his life was going to be perfect, how he was going to get a great job and make great money. Those things did not happen for him and it had nothing to do with me or how he was raised, he made a choice to not put forth the effort.</p><p></p><p></p><p>That's a question that there are no answers for. It has happened and we continue to do the best we can.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I couldn't agree more COM!!</p><p></p><p></p><p>I know parents that have done everything right and their son still ended up a mess. Wouldn't it be great to say "it's something in the water" to which we could say "don't drink the water" but it's not.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I too know some moms that are exactly like this. I find it rather sad as they seam to be lost in the identity of their adult children. I have to say that is one positive thing that has come out of having a d_c is that once I let go of all his chaos I was able to focus on MY life.</p><p>I have finally gotten to a place where I am happy for others that have successful adult children but for those who constantly brag, I just find it sad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 681394, member: 18516"] I know this feeling as my son is my one and only child. I felt guilt for a long time but realized that by holding onto it I was not able to move on with my own life and as long as my son knew I had feelings of guilt, he used it against me. We did the best we could and there is nothing to feel guilty about. We all have had our hopes and dreams shattered, but they were "our" hopes and dreams. This is where I found helpful to grieve the loss of the hopes and dreams that I had for my son and I was able to let go. Again, none of us are perfect. We own what is ours and the rest belongs to our children. I remember so many times when my son was still living with us and he would scream that he couldn't wait to be on his own, how his life was going to be perfect, how he was going to get a great job and make great money. Those things did not happen for him and it had nothing to do with me or how he was raised, he made a choice to not put forth the effort. That's a question that there are no answers for. It has happened and we continue to do the best we can. I couldn't agree more COM!! I know parents that have done everything right and their son still ended up a mess. Wouldn't it be great to say "it's something in the water" to which we could say "don't drink the water" but it's not. I too know some moms that are exactly like this. I find it rather sad as they seam to be lost in the identity of their adult children. I have to say that is one positive thing that has come out of having a d_c is that once I let go of all his chaos I was able to focus on MY life. I have finally gotten to a place where I am happy for others that have successful adult children but for those who constantly brag, I just find it sad. [/QUOTE]
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