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We had to throw our adult son out two days ago for stealing again.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 528850" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Ga beach - </p><p></p><p>For your breaking heart - I send a bunch of hugs- that I'm sure through cyber space give you very little comfort in light of the enormous hole that is left where your son should be. I'm sorry for your pain. I've been there done that and I know the feelings, and emotional rollercoaster you ride. It's an awful feeling to go through and its a worse one to watch someone you love destroy themselves little by little when you don't understand any of it at all. I tell other parents here - I got a lot out of going to the real Narcotics and Cocaine Anonymous meetings and just sitting in silence and listening to the former addicts talking about what happened to them, the W's of life - Who,What Where, When - Why - and the HOW they got better - little by little. Mostly what I heard was what it took for the people that loved them to STOP doing - so that they would fall flat on their faces. STOP helping STOP giving, STOP babying, STOP enabling, STOP giving the second chances, STOP fixing, STOP being there - LET ME FALL - LET ME see what it's like without people that help, LET me see what it's going to be like when no one truly is in my life to give a dang, LET me see what it's like to lay in a gutter and wake up in my own vomit and try to pretend I'm human, LET me see what it's like to wear the same clothes for a week and go hungry, and have my own family turn away in disgust - and see my Mother cry and sob because she couldn't even look at me. Things like that? I needed to hear from the ADDICTS that it was OKAY to know that if I did those things? LOOK - HERE - they were alive - and they survived -and THEIR parents - did what I didn't think I could do - (but to my ex husband) and walk away.....</p><p></p><p>And it was the best thing I did - because he never got better, and in the end? It didn't save him...he's 57 and still doing drugs, and still killing himself - and still lost his family, and still alone, and still has absolutely nothing - and while it's a shame - he did it to himself. He had chance after chance, opportunity after opportunity - and never took advantage of any of the things offered to him. The only thing left to do was take myself, and my son - what was left of our sanity (and it wasn't much) and our bodys (and that wasn't much either) and leave and try to put our Humpty Dumpty life back together - and after about 15-16 years? We're just peeking our noses above the watermark. Mentally he wrecked my son, but we try every day to be better people. And that's what you have to work with. YOu do the best you can - to be supportive and learn how to detach and LET THEM - because you can't do it FOR THEM. And it kills you - but if there is EVER a chance for him to recover? The only thing you can give him at this point is love, and support. The rest is on him. Sounds like nothing - but its what kids who have NO ONE and NOTHING - would die for. Someone that cares () much. And that's enough. </p><p></p><p>When it's over - when it's all over - your son will be a stronger, better person - and you'll be exhausted....so take care of yourself.....an in the mean time? Take care of yourself. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 528850, member: 4964"] Ga beach - For your breaking heart - I send a bunch of hugs- that I'm sure through cyber space give you very little comfort in light of the enormous hole that is left where your son should be. I'm sorry for your pain. I've been there done that and I know the feelings, and emotional rollercoaster you ride. It's an awful feeling to go through and its a worse one to watch someone you love destroy themselves little by little when you don't understand any of it at all. I tell other parents here - I got a lot out of going to the real Narcotics and Cocaine Anonymous meetings and just sitting in silence and listening to the former addicts talking about what happened to them, the W's of life - Who,What Where, When - Why - and the HOW they got better - little by little. Mostly what I heard was what it took for the people that loved them to STOP doing - so that they would fall flat on their faces. STOP helping STOP giving, STOP babying, STOP enabling, STOP giving the second chances, STOP fixing, STOP being there - LET ME FALL - LET ME see what it's like without people that help, LET me see what it's going to be like when no one truly is in my life to give a dang, LET me see what it's like to lay in a gutter and wake up in my own vomit and try to pretend I'm human, LET me see what it's like to wear the same clothes for a week and go hungry, and have my own family turn away in disgust - and see my Mother cry and sob because she couldn't even look at me. Things like that? I needed to hear from the ADDICTS that it was OKAY to know that if I did those things? LOOK - HERE - they were alive - and they survived -and THEIR parents - did what I didn't think I could do - (but to my ex husband) and walk away..... And it was the best thing I did - because he never got better, and in the end? It didn't save him...he's 57 and still doing drugs, and still killing himself - and still lost his family, and still alone, and still has absolutely nothing - and while it's a shame - he did it to himself. He had chance after chance, opportunity after opportunity - and never took advantage of any of the things offered to him. The only thing left to do was take myself, and my son - what was left of our sanity (and it wasn't much) and our bodys (and that wasn't much either) and leave and try to put our Humpty Dumpty life back together - and after about 15-16 years? We're just peeking our noses above the watermark. Mentally he wrecked my son, but we try every day to be better people. And that's what you have to work with. YOu do the best you can - to be supportive and learn how to detach and LET THEM - because you can't do it FOR THEM. And it kills you - but if there is EVER a chance for him to recover? The only thing you can give him at this point is love, and support. The rest is on him. Sounds like nothing - but its what kids who have NO ONE and NOTHING - would die for. Someone that cares () much. And that's enough. When it's over - when it's all over - your son will be a stronger, better person - and you'll be exhausted....so take care of yourself.....an in the mean time? Take care of yourself. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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We had to throw our adult son out two days ago for stealing again.
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