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We heard from difficult child. Doing well.
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 601391" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>This is true for me too, upallnight. </p><p></p><p>Nomad, I celebrate your freedom from this kind of pain. I do, Nomad. Good for you! Maybe one day, I will get there, too. </p><p></p><p>But I agree with the statement that we are only as happy as our unhappiest child with my whole heart. </p><p></p><p>I don't mean to live my life that way. </p><p></p><p>I don't seem to have a choice about it. </p><p></p><p>When both kids were doing well? I was happy, prideful, quick to say something wonderful about my kids. Having been where I had been, I took joy too, in the simple ability to SAY positive things about my own children. I would like, marvel at my good fortune after having such a long, hard time of it. </p><p></p><p>I even managed to live without this site! </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Having been in both places? </p><p></p><p>It feels to me like neither place was voluntary. When my kids (whatever their ages) are happy and healthy, so am I. Only, having been in such sad places with them, I reveled in the happy times. I felt golden. When this badness happened? Though I fought it for all I was worth, I went crashing through the barriers and tumbling down the emotional whatever it is we go through, double-time. I am quicker to understand how really bad everything is and can get, this time around.</p><p></p><p>And I have been right. It did get bad. Really, really bad, really fast.</p><p></p><p>It's been horrifying.</p><p></p><p>I feel that husband and I have survived it? But we are nowhere near intact or healthy. We are claiming our lives? Whereas, before this happened, our lives and the lives of our extended family were the same, seamless thing. Everyone complaining about, or taking joy in, the same kinds of everyday things. Extended family meeting here, with us ~ or hoping to, or regretting that this year, they couldn't make it. Not even to see us, specifically, so much as to be together with everyone. Food, music, sunshine, too many laughing people in too little space. Never enough places to park.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Golden.</p><p></p><p>Our family is scattered, our relationships with each of them so different, now. So much pain and fear and resentment. Questions, bewilderment, confusion. Everyone trying to put a happy face on things. Everyone trying not to say the wrong thing. Me, setting a place for the missing ones ~ except there were too many missing, this year. </p><p></p><p>Lying to the neighbors, and to the people who don't need to know, about where and why those usually here are not here, this year.</p><p></p><p>I know that we will come to terms with whatever this turns out to be. I know our lives will go on. But boy, it's so (swear words :O) hard for me, Nomad. </p><p></p><p>Tears at the back of my throat, all the time. Sadness, a little lethargy. This strangely growing fascination with all things chocolate, most doughnuts, and all pasta.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Ha! Okay, so it's not all bad.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 601391, member: 1721"] This is true for me too, upallnight. Nomad, I celebrate your freedom from this kind of pain. I do, Nomad. Good for you! Maybe one day, I will get there, too. But I agree with the statement that we are only as happy as our unhappiest child with my whole heart. I don't mean to live my life that way. I don't seem to have a choice about it. When both kids were doing well? I was happy, prideful, quick to say something wonderful about my kids. Having been where I had been, I took joy too, in the simple ability to SAY positive things about my own children. I would like, marvel at my good fortune after having such a long, hard time of it. I even managed to live without this site! :O) Having been in both places? It feels to me like neither place was voluntary. When my kids (whatever their ages) are happy and healthy, so am I. Only, having been in such sad places with them, I reveled in the happy times. I felt golden. When this badness happened? Though I fought it for all I was worth, I went crashing through the barriers and tumbling down the emotional whatever it is we go through, double-time. I am quicker to understand how really bad everything is and can get, this time around. And I have been right. It did get bad. Really, really bad, really fast. It's been horrifying. I feel that husband and I have survived it? But we are nowhere near intact or healthy. We are claiming our lives? Whereas, before this happened, our lives and the lives of our extended family were the same, seamless thing. Everyone complaining about, or taking joy in, the same kinds of everyday things. Extended family meeting here, with us ~ or hoping to, or regretting that this year, they couldn't make it. Not even to see us, specifically, so much as to be together with everyone. Food, music, sunshine, too many laughing people in too little space. Never enough places to park. :O) Golden. Our family is scattered, our relationships with each of them so different, now. So much pain and fear and resentment. Questions, bewilderment, confusion. Everyone trying to put a happy face on things. Everyone trying not to say the wrong thing. Me, setting a place for the missing ones ~ except there were too many missing, this year. Lying to the neighbors, and to the people who don't need to know, about where and why those usually here are not here, this year. I know that we will come to terms with whatever this turns out to be. I know our lives will go on. But boy, it's so (swear words :O) hard for me, Nomad. Tears at the back of my throat, all the time. Sadness, a little lethargy. This strangely growing fascination with all things chocolate, most doughnuts, and all pasta. :O) Ha! Okay, so it's not all bad. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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