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We heard from difficult child. Doing well.
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 601403" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Ew. That last post was kind of a downer.</p><p></p><p>I'm going to leave it up? But I'm also going to say that the following books and practices have been very helpful. I know we are all doing our best to be responsible to those we love while finding our ways toward happiness and stability for ourselves. I know there is a way to do this. Like anything worthwhile though, it takes time to learn strength (Lack of fear ~ which turns out to be the understanding that, whatever it is, we will do our best. And that, good or bad, that will be enough.), grace (Which turns out, I think, to be simple acceptance of what is. No need to dress it up, tear it down, or try to figure out why ~ just acceptance.), and compassion. </p><p></p><p>I am still working more on compassion than on the other two. That has to do with acceptance, too. I would say that, for right now, I am trying to understand whether this was willful or whether difficult child has been victimized by something she truly cannot control. That whole business with the Cymbalta.... Not being able to sleep without alcohol because her brain was going too fast....</p><p></p><p>And yet, the willfulness of having those same, bad people in her life again. With her children in the house! {GRRRR.... Very, very angry about that, still. Like, red-eyed.} </p><p></p><p>I think that what happens to us when the immediate crises have been resolved is that we make a decision as to whether we have been played for fools (Is the difficult child an addict?), or whether we are coping with an illness.</p><p></p><p>It's like someone here on the site used to say: We would not judge or turn away from our children if they were suffering from cancer.</p><p></p><p>Once we know what happened, then we can choose to heal. Even when the bad things are happening, we can be aware of how to cope in the healthiest way we know. Part of that is by re-defining what IS happening. That is where the Joel Osteen material has been so helpful for me. </p><p></p><p>Helpful things:</p><p></p><p>Joel Osteen books and sermons. His attitude toward life's challenges is that we are meant to triumph; that we are meant to be happy; that we are meant to fulfill our dreams and achieve our individual destinies. That whatever our private, most secret dream is, we were born to fulfill it. He believes that how we believe a thing is going to conclude affects the conclusion, so we had best be sure we are thinking, feeling, and believing, positively.</p><p></p><p>This has been most helpful, to me.</p><p></p><p>Posting here, of course. Very strengthening, to come here, to know all of you.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>As Recovering had posted, Frankl's <u>Mankind's Search for Meaning</u>. This book helps us understand how important our perception of the meaning of what is happening to us is. He teaches that, though we may have power in no other area, though we may never forget being helplessly traumatized again and again (as he was, and as everywhere he looked, everyone he knew was) that we are the ones who will define the meaning of what has happened, to us, and to those we love.</p><p></p><p>Music: Adelle's <u>Set Fire to the Rain</u> / <u>Rolling in the Deep</u> Not so sure those titles are correct. Cyndi Lauper does one about True Colors which make me cry for difficult child every time I listen to it. </p><p></p><p>Dean Martin, to just be happy to. That dorky Roy Orbison. :O)</p><p></p><p>What are some positive musical pieces (or books) we all have read that might help others of us, I wonder?</p><p></p><p>I will start a new post, so none of us misses that discussion. </p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 601403, member: 1721"] Ew. That last post was kind of a downer. I'm going to leave it up? But I'm also going to say that the following books and practices have been very helpful. I know we are all doing our best to be responsible to those we love while finding our ways toward happiness and stability for ourselves. I know there is a way to do this. Like anything worthwhile though, it takes time to learn strength (Lack of fear ~ which turns out to be the understanding that, whatever it is, we will do our best. And that, good or bad, that will be enough.), grace (Which turns out, I think, to be simple acceptance of what is. No need to dress it up, tear it down, or try to figure out why ~ just acceptance.), and compassion. I am still working more on compassion than on the other two. That has to do with acceptance, too. I would say that, for right now, I am trying to understand whether this was willful or whether difficult child has been victimized by something she truly cannot control. That whole business with the Cymbalta.... Not being able to sleep without alcohol because her brain was going too fast.... And yet, the willfulness of having those same, bad people in her life again. With her children in the house! {GRRRR.... Very, very angry about that, still. Like, red-eyed.} I think that what happens to us when the immediate crises have been resolved is that we make a decision as to whether we have been played for fools (Is the difficult child an addict?), or whether we are coping with an illness. It's like someone here on the site used to say: We would not judge or turn away from our children if they were suffering from cancer. Once we know what happened, then we can choose to heal. Even when the bad things are happening, we can be aware of how to cope in the healthiest way we know. Part of that is by re-defining what IS happening. That is where the Joel Osteen material has been so helpful for me. Helpful things: Joel Osteen books and sermons. His attitude toward life's challenges is that we are meant to triumph; that we are meant to be happy; that we are meant to fulfill our dreams and achieve our individual destinies. That whatever our private, most secret dream is, we were born to fulfill it. He believes that how we believe a thing is going to conclude affects the conclusion, so we had best be sure we are thinking, feeling, and believing, positively. This has been most helpful, to me. Posting here, of course. Very strengthening, to come here, to know all of you. :O) As Recovering had posted, Frankl's [U]Mankind's Search for Meaning[/U]. This book helps us understand how important our perception of the meaning of what is happening to us is. He teaches that, though we may have power in no other area, though we may never forget being helplessly traumatized again and again (as he was, and as everywhere he looked, everyone he knew was) that we are the ones who will define the meaning of what has happened, to us, and to those we love. Music: Adelle's [U]Set Fire to the Rain[/U] / [U]Rolling in the Deep[/U] Not so sure those titles are correct. Cyndi Lauper does one about True Colors which make me cry for difficult child every time I listen to it. Dean Martin, to just be happy to. That dorky Roy Orbison. :O) What are some positive musical pieces (or books) we all have read that might help others of us, I wonder? I will start a new post, so none of us misses that discussion. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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