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We heard from difficult child. Doing well.
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 601411" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>True. (Ha! I almost said, "True, Insane." Don't want to call you that.) </p><p></p><p>Having had a child whose life fell apart due to drugs, and one whose life just kept falling apart...there was always a difference in the way difficult child daughter presented. She always seemed as confused, hurt, and surprised by what was happening to her as we were. There were very few times (and those would have happened as she set sail down the rabbit hole this time) that difficult child daughter was mean.</p><p></p><p>When our son began using drugs however, the personality change was immediate, intense, and mean as a snake. There was alot of blaming. difficult child daughter invariably blames herself, believes everyone else is good, is generous to a fault. difficult child daughter has always worked very hard. (Except for now.)</p><p></p><p>Now that difficult child son is not using? Very hard worker. Amazing man. When he was using? No interest in work, career, or school. It was all about the easy buck. As time has passed, and difficult child has begun feeling better about himself, as he has come to respect and believe in himself, again...the blaming, the horrible accusations, that feeling of entitlement ~ all that stuff has changed. We'll still get a hit of that, once in awhile. He is very, very angry about the attention difficult child daughter has received, and about the way she has lived her life.</p><p></p><p>difficult child son was never violent, even during the worst of his using.</p><p></p><p>difficult child daughter? Blonde, blue-eyed, small boned, can display (seems to enjoy talking about, and minimizes) violent lifestyles and violent people.</p><p></p><p>So, I would say that we help a child addicted to drugs by forcing the bottom and leaving them there if they refuse to stop using. We need to get our own feet on firm ground and tell the addicted child he is better than to do what he is doing. That we will not watch him destroy himself, and that we certainly are not going to help him do it. That seemed to work, for difficult child son. </p><p></p><p>I don't know yet, what I say about the child who is dealing with what difficult child daughter seems to be dealing with. You are right. There is drug use involved with difficult child daughter when she is like this. </p><p></p><p>From what I have seen though, there is a big difference between the way a child using drugs looks at and interacts with his parents and the way a child who may have problems determining reality interacts with her parents.</p><p></p><p>Or maybe, that is just a gender thing?</p><p></p><p>No...I think there is a real difference in hostility between the two. difficult child daughter always left home to be bad. difficult child son made it a point to COME home to be bad. It was like he relished rubbing our noses in his failure. He WANTED to live at home. The more we helped him though...it wasn't until HE decided he had had enough that he stopped using. He did try, many times. Many times, he came home. He would do so well for awhile. Then, right back to the old ways.</p><p></p><p>And he blamed us for everything under the sun.</p><p></p><p>That's how it was at my house, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 601411, member: 1721"] True. (Ha! I almost said, "True, Insane." Don't want to call you that.) Having had a child whose life fell apart due to drugs, and one whose life just kept falling apart...there was always a difference in the way difficult child daughter presented. She always seemed as confused, hurt, and surprised by what was happening to her as we were. There were very few times (and those would have happened as she set sail down the rabbit hole this time) that difficult child daughter was mean. When our son began using drugs however, the personality change was immediate, intense, and mean as a snake. There was alot of blaming. difficult child daughter invariably blames herself, believes everyone else is good, is generous to a fault. difficult child daughter has always worked very hard. (Except for now.) Now that difficult child son is not using? Very hard worker. Amazing man. When he was using? No interest in work, career, or school. It was all about the easy buck. As time has passed, and difficult child has begun feeling better about himself, as he has come to respect and believe in himself, again...the blaming, the horrible accusations, that feeling of entitlement ~ all that stuff has changed. We'll still get a hit of that, once in awhile. He is very, very angry about the attention difficult child daughter has received, and about the way she has lived her life. difficult child son was never violent, even during the worst of his using. difficult child daughter? Blonde, blue-eyed, small boned, can display (seems to enjoy talking about, and minimizes) violent lifestyles and violent people. So, I would say that we help a child addicted to drugs by forcing the bottom and leaving them there if they refuse to stop using. We need to get our own feet on firm ground and tell the addicted child he is better than to do what he is doing. That we will not watch him destroy himself, and that we certainly are not going to help him do it. That seemed to work, for difficult child son. I don't know yet, what I say about the child who is dealing with what difficult child daughter seems to be dealing with. You are right. There is drug use involved with difficult child daughter when she is like this. From what I have seen though, there is a big difference between the way a child using drugs looks at and interacts with his parents and the way a child who may have problems determining reality interacts with her parents. Or maybe, that is just a gender thing? No...I think there is a real difference in hostility between the two. difficult child daughter always left home to be bad. difficult child son made it a point to COME home to be bad. It was like he relished rubbing our noses in his failure. He WANTED to live at home. The more we helped him though...it wasn't until HE decided he had had enough that he stopped using. He did try, many times. Many times, he came home. He would do so well for awhile. Then, right back to the old ways. And he blamed us for everything under the sun. That's how it was at my house, anyway. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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