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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 509734" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>have found that if I assume (and please note - it is MY assumption because I am NT) that my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child is choosing to be rude, then I am setting us both up for failure. But if, instead, I take the approach that he needs to be shown the right way to respond simply because he doesn't realise, then we are doing better.</p><p></p><p>difficult child will often be apparently rude. I stop him and say, "That was inappropriate. You may not have meant that to sound rude, but it did. Try it this way."</p><p>If he says, "I'm angry. I meant it to sound rude!" then I go in with, "What were you hoping to achieve? Were you simply trying to let me know, by your behaviour, that you are angry? There are better ways of getting your message across. You can say, 'I am angry,' and have a better chance of getting what you want, than you would get by trying to make ME angry too. Always try to communicate, without actually trying to impose how you feel on the other person. That way you have the best chance of the outcome you want."</p><p></p><p>Keep your voice calm and teach him. Use each opportunity you get, to gently and politely teach him. B y doing this you are also setting him the example of how to behave. Even if you are angry - show him by your behaviour, the right way to behave even when angry. </p><p></p><p>I do not believe in taking things as a rule, especially if it doesn't 'fit the crime'. Remember, that these kids really do want to please you. Let them win. Help them win. That for the most part is generally enough motivation.</p><p></p><p>When you need to take stuff, is when it is directly relevant to the problem. For example, the TV remote if the kids are fighting over it. Or if the kid won't turn off the TV and do chores. However, a warning - even then, it is better to negotiate and have a better chance of getting what YOU want sooner with less fighting, than to simply march in and grab. Because you will then teach your Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child to confiscate stuff from you! They really do not know the boundaries of what is appropriate... but if you can negotiate, you can teach your Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child to self-monitor and self-control - the ultimate goal of any parent.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 509734, member: 1991"] have found that if I assume (and please note - it is MY assumption because I am NT) that my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child is choosing to be rude, then I am setting us both up for failure. But if, instead, I take the approach that he needs to be shown the right way to respond simply because he doesn't realise, then we are doing better. difficult child will often be apparently rude. I stop him and say, "That was inappropriate. You may not have meant that to sound rude, but it did. Try it this way." If he says, "I'm angry. I meant it to sound rude!" then I go in with, "What were you hoping to achieve? Were you simply trying to let me know, by your behaviour, that you are angry? There are better ways of getting your message across. You can say, 'I am angry,' and have a better chance of getting what you want, than you would get by trying to make ME angry too. Always try to communicate, without actually trying to impose how you feel on the other person. That way you have the best chance of the outcome you want." Keep your voice calm and teach him. Use each opportunity you get, to gently and politely teach him. B y doing this you are also setting him the example of how to behave. Even if you are angry - show him by your behaviour, the right way to behave even when angry. I do not believe in taking things as a rule, especially if it doesn't 'fit the crime'. Remember, that these kids really do want to please you. Let them win. Help them win. That for the most part is generally enough motivation. When you need to take stuff, is when it is directly relevant to the problem. For example, the TV remote if the kids are fighting over it. Or if the kid won't turn off the TV and do chores. However, a warning - even then, it is better to negotiate and have a better chance of getting what YOU want sooner with less fighting, than to simply march in and grab. Because you will then teach your Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child to confiscate stuff from you! They really do not know the boundaries of what is appropriate... but if you can negotiate, you can teach your Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child to self-monitor and self-control - the ultimate goal of any parent. Marg [/QUOTE]
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