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Weird thoughts...need help sorting out
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 135897" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>1) Why is it that I have had such a hard time relating and meeting and becoming good friends with people who don't have difficult children? This is the first person that I have had over for a major holiday meal in a long time. I wonder if I'm avoiding "the regulars" or if they are avoiding me? Has this happened to you?</p><p></p><p>I have a few answers to #1 that I have toyed with for years. </p><p>a.) I am flypaper for freaks</p><p>b.) Birds of a feather flock together</p><p>c.) Regular people are boring and when they go on and on about their problems it makes you want to smack them with OH YEAH - you have HUGE problems. I avoid them to avoid becoming more sarcastic than i already am. </p><p>d.) I've avoided people like the plague for so long because in essence all of them want everyone to believe they are sensitive to the needs of the mentally ill - and then you see them in Walmart on Saturday buying a T shirt that reads - Proud rider of the short bus - for their kid to wear out in public and everyone but me gets a good laugh. Then one little girl said "Doesn't Dude ride the short bus?" =it's all funny until I poke out some dumb moms eye. </p><p>e.) I am normal - everyone ELSE is odd. </p><p>f.) I'm at the point now where I've gone so long without social interaction on a grand scale - I work, I go home, I shop a little - and I'm adjusted and happy with it. When we do go out or someone comes over - we spend more time moaning about how awful things are - so we choose to avoid others. </p><p> </p><p>2) They have been very slow to let go of enabling type behaviors with their adult children. One "child" is well into his 30s. There have been times that I have said my peace with reference to this. In retrospect, I don't think this was appropriate. I wonder what kind of standard/marker I should set for this type of discussion. Should I keep my thoughts to myself? Wait to see if she asks?</p><p>a.) When you are a living example of what you believe in - people will see it and come to you for advice OR sometimes you are living the life THEY would love to have and you will never know it. Live by example - </p><p>b.) Maybe this lady has to make sure YOU aren't a nut and then she'll feel comfy talking to you as a friend without her despondent husband there. It's hard to have a friend and her ask with him sitting there - I would look for her to come around eventually - but she's probably like the rest of us - shunned by mostly everyone with little to no support, in denial and looking for a friend to be a real friend. You are that person. It still amazes me that despite living with Dude - and while I figured everyone thought I was the nut - I'm basically more accepting of others which in a way makes me feel more sane and them the nut. </p><p>c.) As far as keeping your thoughts to yourself - I guess that will depend on her -if prompted I always say - Well if you ask me for the truth as I see It I WILL give you my opinion - are you sure you want me to put thought into that? And sometimes I get yes - sometimes I get no. </p><p></p><p>And for the 5th grader? She's going to be the only kid at a very adult dinner - and at 12 I'm sure she thinks she is all grown up - Any chance you can find a friend for her to occupy her time? I like the suggestions of Easter games but remember you don't know what traditions she thinks she's giving up to be with her grandparents - maybe a little question/answer phone call to "plan" some things her grandma KNOWS she'll like. </p><p></p><p>I think you'll do fine. And yes - it seems like sometimes we only attract others that will look at us with less judgment in their eyes - but we've found it over the years to be a comfortable place to hide. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p><p>(ps. I AM a nut - ) lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 135897, member: 4964"] 1) Why is it that I have had such a hard time relating and meeting and becoming good friends with people who don't have difficult children? This is the first person that I have had over for a major holiday meal in a long time. I wonder if I'm avoiding "the regulars" or if they are avoiding me? Has this happened to you? I have a few answers to #1 that I have toyed with for years. a.) I am flypaper for freaks b.) Birds of a feather flock together c.) Regular people are boring and when they go on and on about their problems it makes you want to smack them with OH YEAH - you have HUGE problems. I avoid them to avoid becoming more sarcastic than i already am. d.) I've avoided people like the plague for so long because in essence all of them want everyone to believe they are sensitive to the needs of the mentally ill - and then you see them in Walmart on Saturday buying a T shirt that reads - Proud rider of the short bus - for their kid to wear out in public and everyone but me gets a good laugh. Then one little girl said "Doesn't Dude ride the short bus?" =it's all funny until I poke out some dumb moms eye. e.) I am normal - everyone ELSE is odd. f.) I'm at the point now where I've gone so long without social interaction on a grand scale - I work, I go home, I shop a little - and I'm adjusted and happy with it. When we do go out or someone comes over - we spend more time moaning about how awful things are - so we choose to avoid others. 2) They have been very slow to let go of enabling type behaviors with their adult children. One "child" is well into his 30s. There have been times that I have said my peace with reference to this. In retrospect, I don't think this was appropriate. I wonder what kind of standard/marker I should set for this type of discussion. Should I keep my thoughts to myself? Wait to see if she asks? a.) When you are a living example of what you believe in - people will see it and come to you for advice OR sometimes you are living the life THEY would love to have and you will never know it. Live by example - b.) Maybe this lady has to make sure YOU aren't a nut and then she'll feel comfy talking to you as a friend without her despondent husband there. It's hard to have a friend and her ask with him sitting there - I would look for her to come around eventually - but she's probably like the rest of us - shunned by mostly everyone with little to no support, in denial and looking for a friend to be a real friend. You are that person. It still amazes me that despite living with Dude - and while I figured everyone thought I was the nut - I'm basically more accepting of others which in a way makes me feel more sane and them the nut. c.) As far as keeping your thoughts to yourself - I guess that will depend on her -if prompted I always say - Well if you ask me for the truth as I see It I WILL give you my opinion - are you sure you want me to put thought into that? And sometimes I get yes - sometimes I get no. And for the 5th grader? She's going to be the only kid at a very adult dinner - and at 12 I'm sure she thinks she is all grown up - Any chance you can find a friend for her to occupy her time? I like the suggestions of Easter games but remember you don't know what traditions she thinks she's giving up to be with her grandparents - maybe a little question/answer phone call to "plan" some things her grandma KNOWS she'll like. I think you'll do fine. And yes - it seems like sometimes we only attract others that will look at us with less judgment in their eyes - but we've found it over the years to be a comfortable place to hide. Hugs Star (ps. I AM a nut - ) lol [/QUOTE]
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