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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 206753" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Welcome Minnesotamama - I'm so glad you found us.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry your husband was less than supportive. I think sometimes we tend to lose perspective when we're dealing with violent children. I know that I put up with more physical violence than I should have (ain't 20/20 hindsight grand??). What finally put it into perspective was the realization that if my husband treated me the same way, I'd have had him arrested the first time around and he would've been out of my life. Would your husband have thought you overreacted if a stranger assaulted you in the same manner? Nope. The fact that it was your son should make no difference, though sometimes it does when you are first dealing with it - not to excuse it, but ... your husband's reaction certainly isn't unique. </p><p> </p><p>What was your son's reaction to the arrest and the impending court date? Does he understand that he majorly crossed a line? </p><p> </p><p>To have had this happen so shortly after you held your daughter accountable for her actions - it must be incredibly hard for you. It sounds like you did the right thing, in both cases. Your daughter made her choice, unfortunate as it is. I think sometimes our kids just have to really experience the consequences of their choices first-hand before they start to "get it". As a parent, it's so difficult to stand back and let them learn.</p><p> </p><p>I used to think that the degree of my childrens' success was a direct reflection on how "good" a mother I am. Easy benchmark when they're ... uh.... maybe 2? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I'm not a perfect parent but I've tried my very hardest. With my most challenging kiddo (thank you), I really stretched my own parenting skills as well as reached out to every resource I could find. He's on a fast track to living on the streets right now - and while it's heartbreaking beyond words, it's not because I failed. One of my all time favorite movie quotes (Remember the Titans) - "Sometimes life is just hard." There's not always a reason. We have to hope that in 5-10-15 years, our kids will remember what they were taught and how they were raised, and we have to be available to offer encouragement when they do start making better choices but we also have to restrain ourselves from rescuing them all the time. Not easy.</p><p> </p><p>I understand your embarrassment, but please know - you most definitely are not alone. </p><p> </p><p>Again, welcome!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 206753, member: 8"] Welcome Minnesotamama - I'm so glad you found us. I'm sorry your husband was less than supportive. I think sometimes we tend to lose perspective when we're dealing with violent children. I know that I put up with more physical violence than I should have (ain't 20/20 hindsight grand??). What finally put it into perspective was the realization that if my husband treated me the same way, I'd have had him arrested the first time around and he would've been out of my life. Would your husband have thought you overreacted if a stranger assaulted you in the same manner? Nope. The fact that it was your son should make no difference, though sometimes it does when you are first dealing with it - not to excuse it, but ... your husband's reaction certainly isn't unique. What was your son's reaction to the arrest and the impending court date? Does he understand that he majorly crossed a line? To have had this happen so shortly after you held your daughter accountable for her actions - it must be incredibly hard for you. It sounds like you did the right thing, in both cases. Your daughter made her choice, unfortunate as it is. I think sometimes our kids just have to really experience the consequences of their choices first-hand before they start to "get it". As a parent, it's so difficult to stand back and let them learn. I used to think that the degree of my childrens' success was a direct reflection on how "good" a mother I am. Easy benchmark when they're ... uh.... maybe 2? ;) I'm not a perfect parent but I've tried my very hardest. With my most challenging kiddo (thank you), I really stretched my own parenting skills as well as reached out to every resource I could find. He's on a fast track to living on the streets right now - and while it's heartbreaking beyond words, it's not because I failed. One of my all time favorite movie quotes (Remember the Titans) - "Sometimes life is just hard." There's not always a reason. We have to hope that in 5-10-15 years, our kids will remember what they were taught and how they were raised, and we have to be available to offer encouragement when they do start making better choices but we also have to restrain ourselves from rescuing them all the time. Not easy. I understand your embarrassment, but please know - you most definitely are not alone. Again, welcome! [/QUOTE]
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