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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 206786" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Hi and welcome! I'm sorry that you're going through such a painful time, and without your husband's support. Yet from what you've written, you've done the right thing for both of your kids. But what awful timing these episodes have had, coming right on top of each other.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the others that you did NOT overreact to your ds's actions. That sudden rage and violence is terrifying. It crosses a line that everyone in society must respect, and the sooner your ds understands that, the better. He knew theoretically that the line was there, and now he knows it in practice. That's a good thing! If allowed to be violent toward you without any major penalty he would have continued and escalated. That is what unfortunately happened in my house, when my difficult child had violent rages over years and abused me and all his siblings. Hindsight is 20/20 but I wish I had called police during one of his many episodes of violence. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry your husband is not on the same page and I sympathize, because I was in the same situation for many years. My husband wasn't around enough to see all of my difficult child's behaviors and he believed difficult child's tearful claims that everything was my fault. Only this year, when husband has been home regularly, has he come to understand the situation and work with me instead of against me. Unfortunately that was many years lost in terms of taking a firm stand against violent behavior. I hope your husband will go with you to counseling, perhaps, and work through the situation with someone who has an objective point of view. He wouldn't tolerate anyone else punching you ... why is it acceptable in a 6-foot tall teenager? It just isn't.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you've had to draw the line with your daughter as well, and that she made the choice she did. She will come to see reality sooner, however, than if she'd been allowed to stay at home and do drugs and mistreat her family. </p><p></p><p>I understand your shock. This is a huge burden to deal with. Have you anyone nearby who can offer support? A support group such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or Parents Anonymous can be wonderful, as the people there have been through similar painful situations and know what you're going through. They also help you keep perspective on the situation and have great information on addiction. </p><p></p><p>Speaking of addiction, you mentioned that your son changed dramatically in his behavior a couple of years ago. That can be due to new friends who are into bad things, and it can be due to drug and alcohol use. You may want to check into the possibility that he is using. It could account for the change in behavior, and if it's there he will need treatment for it. I don't want to add to your worries but assuming your son is at or will return home soon, you need to know what's happening in that area.</p><p></p><p>You will find lots of wonderful people on this board who can share their experiences, offer support, and just listen when you need to vent. Again, welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 206786, member: 2884"] Hi and welcome! I'm sorry that you're going through such a painful time, and without your husband's support. Yet from what you've written, you've done the right thing for both of your kids. But what awful timing these episodes have had, coming right on top of each other. I agree with the others that you did NOT overreact to your ds's actions. That sudden rage and violence is terrifying. It crosses a line that everyone in society must respect, and the sooner your ds understands that, the better. He knew theoretically that the line was there, and now he knows it in practice. That's a good thing! If allowed to be violent toward you without any major penalty he would have continued and escalated. That is what unfortunately happened in my house, when my difficult child had violent rages over years and abused me and all his siblings. Hindsight is 20/20 but I wish I had called police during one of his many episodes of violence. I'm sorry your husband is not on the same page and I sympathize, because I was in the same situation for many years. My husband wasn't around enough to see all of my difficult child's behaviors and he believed difficult child's tearful claims that everything was my fault. Only this year, when husband has been home regularly, has he come to understand the situation and work with me instead of against me. Unfortunately that was many years lost in terms of taking a firm stand against violent behavior. I hope your husband will go with you to counseling, perhaps, and work through the situation with someone who has an objective point of view. He wouldn't tolerate anyone else punching you ... why is it acceptable in a 6-foot tall teenager? It just isn't. I'm sorry you've had to draw the line with your daughter as well, and that she made the choice she did. She will come to see reality sooner, however, than if she'd been allowed to stay at home and do drugs and mistreat her family. I understand your shock. This is a huge burden to deal with. Have you anyone nearby who can offer support? A support group such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or Parents Anonymous can be wonderful, as the people there have been through similar painful situations and know what you're going through. They also help you keep perspective on the situation and have great information on addiction. Speaking of addiction, you mentioned that your son changed dramatically in his behavior a couple of years ago. That can be due to new friends who are into bad things, and it can be due to drug and alcohol use. You may want to check into the possibility that he is using. It could account for the change in behavior, and if it's there he will need treatment for it. I don't want to add to your worries but assuming your son is at or will return home soon, you need to know what's happening in that area. You will find lots of wonderful people on this board who can share their experiences, offer support, and just listen when you need to vent. Again, welcome. [/QUOTE]
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