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Parent Emeritus
Well, difficult child is gone.
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 17261" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Cookie,</p><p>just got myself re-registered on this site so I am chiming in late but wanted you to know I am thinking of you. When I kicked my 18 yr old dtr out she told me she hated me and I told her I hated her too (nice, huh?) We had a few dealings with each other in the next few days and she was hostile and told me she really didn't care about our family. I thanked her for her honesty and told her we knew she didn't care by her actions and it was good to have her actually admit it. Well, the next thing I knew she was in tears and saying how she couldn't care because she pushes everyone away from her who cares about her. I just said that she might want to talk to a therapist about it. I remained neutral and didn't take any responsibility for her feelings. It was after this that she made some big changes in her life and we are quite close now (4 months later). I, too, thought I had lost her when I kicked her out. I was so angry though that it got me through--I was relieved to see her go and didn't care if I had a relationship with her or not. I think it was partly due to this that she took responsibility for her own life. I think she saw the gig was up, that I wasn't a safety net anymore and that I really didn't "care" so to speak. </p><p></p><p>I really think that a big problem for me and probably many other moms is that we do worry that if we are "mean" or our kids are unhappy with us that it means they will go away and never come back or that they will hate us and we'll lose them. I think that is how I have operated with all 3 of my kids. I am trying to change this but it is hard--I do it well when I am angry but when I am just "normal" I don't want to risk anyone being mad at me.</p><p></p><p>Take care, Cookie, you are doing the right thing and I truly do not believe you have lost your son forever.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 17261, member: 3450"] Hi Cookie, just got myself re-registered on this site so I am chiming in late but wanted you to know I am thinking of you. When I kicked my 18 yr old dtr out she told me she hated me and I told her I hated her too (nice, huh?) We had a few dealings with each other in the next few days and she was hostile and told me she really didn't care about our family. I thanked her for her honesty and told her we knew she didn't care by her actions and it was good to have her actually admit it. Well, the next thing I knew she was in tears and saying how she couldn't care because she pushes everyone away from her who cares about her. I just said that she might want to talk to a therapist about it. I remained neutral and didn't take any responsibility for her feelings. It was after this that she made some big changes in her life and we are quite close now (4 months later). I, too, thought I had lost her when I kicked her out. I was so angry though that it got me through--I was relieved to see her go and didn't care if I had a relationship with her or not. I think it was partly due to this that she took responsibility for her own life. I think she saw the gig was up, that I wasn't a safety net anymore and that I really didn't "care" so to speak. I really think that a big problem for me and probably many other moms is that we do worry that if we are "mean" or our kids are unhappy with us that it means they will go away and never come back or that they will hate us and we'll lose them. I think that is how I have operated with all 3 of my kids. I am trying to change this but it is hard--I do it well when I am angry but when I am just "normal" I don't want to risk anyone being mad at me. Take care, Cookie, you are doing the right thing and I truly do not believe you have lost your son forever. Hugs, Jane [/QUOTE]
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