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Substance Abuse
Well, he did it again......
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626186" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My take?</p><p></p><p>He is acting like a "normal" difficult child, which means "My way or the highway and I get abusive and mean too!"</p><p></p><p>in my opinion you engaged him too much. YOu don't owe him long explanations as this is YOUR house. "No" is sufficient. You CAN tell him why. Once. Don't throw oil on the fire. </p><p></p><p>He is an alcoholic with an alcoholics personality and I dated a dry alcoholic once. He told me being a control freak is a symptom of alcoholism whether or not one is drinking. I don't know if it's true. I went to AA meetings with him. He had been dry for eighteen months. But he was still a control freak. He is STILL dry (we are FB in touch), but he is still a control freak. Don't let your son control you or over-talk you. No is no. Conversation over. Somebody is at the door and you have to go. </p><p></p><p>The only way to stay out of his drama, and your goal should be to stay out of it forever, is to refuse to engage him in anything dramatic or when he is drunk. Just say you have to go or don't answer your phone at all. I often have to do this with my son, who is still a drama queen at 36. For my own peace of mind, I have told him I will talk to him until/unless he raises his voice, curses at me, uses female body parts to describe me or any women, or starts calling me names or telling me what happened to him twenty years ago which he uses to make me feel guilty. His childhood is over and what he does with his adulthood is up to him. If his dad is an addict, many children grow up with addiction. Not all of them choose to become addicts...I'd take that argument off the table. It isn't your fault he is what he is. It's his fault. He's already been in jail, yet he is still drinking. That is on HIS shoulders. You are NOT pouring liquor down his throat, are you? It's HE who is doing it.</p><p></p><p>Have you read the super-cool article yet on the site about detaching? I would. I have another great read for you, if you're interested. Just click on the link!</p><p></p><p>What most of us have to learn is that we can live a great life even if our grown kids are imploding. After all, we are two separate people. They are not little kids anymore. We do not help them by "helping" them, if you get what I mean. They have to get clean on their own. Only THEY can do it. We can't. We can't even help...our words often just make them petulant like a grown toddler. The only one we can influence in any way is ourselves...us...in your case YOU. You are a good person who did your best and now you deserve a good life without your son's self-inflicted drama.</p><p></p><p>Here's the link. It's really a worthwhile read for moms like us!!!</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1/181-3396747-8916066?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1399295283&sr=1-1&keywords=beattie+codependent+no+more" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1/181-3396747-8916066?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1399295283&sr=1-1&keywords=beattie+codependent+no+more</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626186, member: 1550"] My take? He is acting like a "normal" difficult child, which means "My way or the highway and I get abusive and mean too!" in my opinion you engaged him too much. YOu don't owe him long explanations as this is YOUR house. "No" is sufficient. You CAN tell him why. Once. Don't throw oil on the fire. He is an alcoholic with an alcoholics personality and I dated a dry alcoholic once. He told me being a control freak is a symptom of alcoholism whether or not one is drinking. I don't know if it's true. I went to AA meetings with him. He had been dry for eighteen months. But he was still a control freak. He is STILL dry (we are FB in touch), but he is still a control freak. Don't let your son control you or over-talk you. No is no. Conversation over. Somebody is at the door and you have to go. The only way to stay out of his drama, and your goal should be to stay out of it forever, is to refuse to engage him in anything dramatic or when he is drunk. Just say you have to go or don't answer your phone at all. I often have to do this with my son, who is still a drama queen at 36. For my own peace of mind, I have told him I will talk to him until/unless he raises his voice, curses at me, uses female body parts to describe me or any women, or starts calling me names or telling me what happened to him twenty years ago which he uses to make me feel guilty. His childhood is over and what he does with his adulthood is up to him. If his dad is an addict, many children grow up with addiction. Not all of them choose to become addicts...I'd take that argument off the table. It isn't your fault he is what he is. It's his fault. He's already been in jail, yet he is still drinking. That is on HIS shoulders. You are NOT pouring liquor down his throat, are you? It's HE who is doing it. Have you read the super-cool article yet on the site about detaching? I would. I have another great read for you, if you're interested. Just click on the link! What most of us have to learn is that we can live a great life even if our grown kids are imploding. After all, we are two separate people. They are not little kids anymore. We do not help them by "helping" them, if you get what I mean. They have to get clean on their own. Only THEY can do it. We can't. We can't even help...our words often just make them petulant like a grown toddler. The only one we can influence in any way is ourselves...us...in your case YOU. You are a good person who did your best and now you deserve a good life without your son's self-inflicted drama. Here's the link. It's really a worthwhile read for moms like us!!! [url]http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1/181-3396747-8916066?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1399295283&sr=1-1&keywords=beattie+codependent+no+more[/url] [/QUOTE]
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Well, he did it again......
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