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Well, here I am, almost at breaking point - son aged 30
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<blockquote data-quote="Belle" data-source="post: 712354" data-attributes="member: 20661"><p>Hello everyone. How are you all doing? I hope there have been at least some positive things in your lives since I was last here!</p><p></p><p>Not much has changed with the situation with my son.</p><p></p><p>The biggest change is my mother dying unexpectedly three days after Christmas. I felt like I couldn't breathe for such a long time. I'm not coping with the loss and the grief is crushing me. I digress....</p><p></p><p>My Christmas was spent travelling into London and back as my son had been beaten up and had his jaw broken on both sides. He was devestated (as were we all) and although my mother had asked us to stay away at Christmas because she had a cold which was making her feel under the weather, I feel I sacrificed seeing her to visit my son over those 3-4 days for something which was probably brought on by his lifestyle/choices. Sorry, I shouldn't say sacrifice. He's my son, of course I was going to go to him, it was an awful time for all of us. Once I knew of the discharge plans, I booked him into a local hotel for 4 nights, to rest and recover - and to get him over the Christmas period. We'd not even pulled up outside the hotel when he started raging that he had no money and that we should have given him the hotel money as he'd rather have had that and bunked with mates - than stay in a hotel with nothing. Huge row. Told him to get out of the car and we left him to it. Two days later my mum was dead. I'd only spoken to her hours before. We were laughing at something or other. So I had to go to the hotel and tell my son, who was also devestated and we sat and cried. Then we sat in silence for what seemed an age - and then he started all the usual rubbish - even throwing in how it should have been me (or anyone he could think of) that died, not his nan. Again, I left him to it. Of course I understood he was grieving and added to my grief was the guilt that he was now dealing with this alone. I simply could not be in a room with him and try to dissolve a row. I didn't even know what day it was I was so distraught at losing my mum and how to help my dad (living 70 miles away, alone)</p><p></p><p>To cut out the in between and to make a long story short.... it's four months later and he's still the same. Still won't settle anywhere. Still knocks on the door - "Mum, I'm cold, I'm hungry, can I have a drink, do you have any money, can we go for lunch, I'm homeless, I live on the street" etc etc etc. It just never stops. The verbal abuse when I say no to things. The guilt trips he keeps sending me on. My sad, sleepless nights because I think of him in some empty old building, living on nothing. Yes, there's still alcohol and drugs involved but I don't know to what extent. Yes, there are still mental health issues (they're not going to go away without treatment, this I know) and I know he's savvy enough to realise he should do this - but he won't. Just yesterday he lost his temper because I wouldn't meet him for lunch (as he'd told me the day before to eff off and hung up the phone) because of how he'd spoken to me so again he tells me to just eff off and kicks my rubbish bins down the road.</p><p></p><p>When does it stop?</p><p></p><p>Sorry for rambling. I feel like I couldn't stop once I got started.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Belle, post: 712354, member: 20661"] Hello everyone. How are you all doing? I hope there have been at least some positive things in your lives since I was last here! Not much has changed with the situation with my son. The biggest change is my mother dying unexpectedly three days after Christmas. I felt like I couldn't breathe for such a long time. I'm not coping with the loss and the grief is crushing me. I digress.... My Christmas was spent travelling into London and back as my son had been beaten up and had his jaw broken on both sides. He was devestated (as were we all) and although my mother had asked us to stay away at Christmas because she had a cold which was making her feel under the weather, I feel I sacrificed seeing her to visit my son over those 3-4 days for something which was probably brought on by his lifestyle/choices. Sorry, I shouldn't say sacrifice. He's my son, of course I was going to go to him, it was an awful time for all of us. Once I knew of the discharge plans, I booked him into a local hotel for 4 nights, to rest and recover - and to get him over the Christmas period. We'd not even pulled up outside the hotel when he started raging that he had no money and that we should have given him the hotel money as he'd rather have had that and bunked with mates - than stay in a hotel with nothing. Huge row. Told him to get out of the car and we left him to it. Two days later my mum was dead. I'd only spoken to her hours before. We were laughing at something or other. So I had to go to the hotel and tell my son, who was also devestated and we sat and cried. Then we sat in silence for what seemed an age - and then he started all the usual rubbish - even throwing in how it should have been me (or anyone he could think of) that died, not his nan. Again, I left him to it. Of course I understood he was grieving and added to my grief was the guilt that he was now dealing with this alone. I simply could not be in a room with him and try to dissolve a row. I didn't even know what day it was I was so distraught at losing my mum and how to help my dad (living 70 miles away, alone) To cut out the in between and to make a long story short.... it's four months later and he's still the same. Still won't settle anywhere. Still knocks on the door - "Mum, I'm cold, I'm hungry, can I have a drink, do you have any money, can we go for lunch, I'm homeless, I live on the street" etc etc etc. It just never stops. The verbal abuse when I say no to things. The guilt trips he keeps sending me on. My sad, sleepless nights because I think of him in some empty old building, living on nothing. Yes, there's still alcohol and drugs involved but I don't know to what extent. Yes, there are still mental health issues (they're not going to go away without treatment, this I know) and I know he's savvy enough to realise he should do this - but he won't. Just yesterday he lost his temper because I wouldn't meet him for lunch (as he'd told me the day before to eff off and hung up the phone) because of how he'd spoken to me so again he tells me to just eff off and kicks my rubbish bins down the road. When does it stop? Sorry for rambling. I feel like I couldn't stop once I got started. [/QUOTE]
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Well, here I am, almost at breaking point - son aged 30
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