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Parent Emeritus
Well, here I am, almost at breaking point - son aged 30
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<blockquote data-quote="wisernow" data-source="post: 712365" data-attributes="member: 20373"><p>fully agree. YOU need to change the dance beginning with looking after yourself first. Would you allow someone to abuse anyone you loved? NO! But that's what he is doing to you. So really you are enabling the abuse. My son abused drugs and also has serious mental health likely brought on by the drugs (schizophrenia). I had to detach fully to save myself. By doing so, the dance changed, and he has changed tremendously and is taking responsibility for his life and his health. He lives in a group home.....still has a long way to go...but our lives have changed for the better. He has not lived with us since the age of 16 when he began the drug abuse and the mental health started to appear. He was a thief, violent, manipulative and cunning. We had a younger daughter to think about protecting and that was the final straw...his behavior and choices resulted in him being removed from the home. Did he create guilt, manipulation up the ante...oh yes. Our family, marriage and life was destroyed all because we thought we could save him! How wrong we were. It wasn't until he finally self destructed that he realized he needed help. By that time we had finally learned to detach and were on the path to our own self healing. He is now helping himself. Wish I would have learned all of the wonderful advice this forum gives 10 years ago. You do have to walk through the fire, its painful as hell, but keep walking. You will come out the other side. Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wisernow, post: 712365, member: 20373"] fully agree. YOU need to change the dance beginning with looking after yourself first. Would you allow someone to abuse anyone you loved? NO! But that's what he is doing to you. So really you are enabling the abuse. My son abused drugs and also has serious mental health likely brought on by the drugs (schizophrenia). I had to detach fully to save myself. By doing so, the dance changed, and he has changed tremendously and is taking responsibility for his life and his health. He lives in a group home.....still has a long way to go...but our lives have changed for the better. He has not lived with us since the age of 16 when he began the drug abuse and the mental health started to appear. He was a thief, violent, manipulative and cunning. We had a younger daughter to think about protecting and that was the final straw...his behavior and choices resulted in him being removed from the home. Did he create guilt, manipulation up the ante...oh yes. Our family, marriage and life was destroyed all because we thought we could save him! How wrong we were. It wasn't until he finally self destructed that he realized he needed help. By that time we had finally learned to detach and were on the path to our own self healing. He is now helping himself. Wish I would have learned all of the wonderful advice this forum gives 10 years ago. You do have to walk through the fire, its painful as hell, but keep walking. You will come out the other side. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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Well, here I am, almost at breaking point - son aged 30
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