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Well, here I am, almost at breaking point - son aged 30
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 712370" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Oh Belle, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know that pain all too well. My mom has been gone 19 years and I still miss her like crazy. ((HUGS)) to you..........</p><p></p><p>As for your son, I understand it hurt him too but what an ugly thing for him to say that he wished it had been you instead of his nan. I too have been on the receiving end of such cruel words.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I've heard these same things from my son. I learned to give brief simple responses to him. "I'm sorry to hear this, I'm sure you'll work it out" if he kept at it I would just repeat it. He finally got the message that I was not going to give into him.</p><p></p><p></p><p>No matter how ugly his verbal attack is, keep saying no. He is hoping to wear you down. When you feel you are getting weak, draw on the strength of all of us here. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh the guilt trips, here's the thing, you don't have to go on that trip. You are in what is called the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) This is where our adult difficult children like us to be because they will use our emotions against us so we will give into them.</p><p>You are here now, you are coming out of the FOG. Your son is homeless by his choice. My son also chose to be homeless. I can tell you that even though they are homeless they do not starve. If they can manage to find booze and drugs then they can surely find food.</p><p></p><p>Never apologize for rambling. You ramble all you want, it helps to get it out. We are here for you.</p><p></p><p>Be very good to yourself. Please do not lose sleep over your son, I'm sure he's not losing sleep over you.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 712370, member: 18516"] Oh Belle, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know that pain all too well. My mom has been gone 19 years and I still miss her like crazy. ((HUGS)) to you.......... As for your son, I understand it hurt him too but what an ugly thing for him to say that he wished it had been you instead of his nan. I too have been on the receiving end of such cruel words. I've heard these same things from my son. I learned to give brief simple responses to him. "I'm sorry to hear this, I'm sure you'll work it out" if he kept at it I would just repeat it. He finally got the message that I was not going to give into him. No matter how ugly his verbal attack is, keep saying no. He is hoping to wear you down. When you feel you are getting weak, draw on the strength of all of us here. Oh the guilt trips, here's the thing, you don't have to go on that trip. You are in what is called the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) This is where our adult difficult children like us to be because they will use our emotions against us so we will give into them. You are here now, you are coming out of the FOG. Your son is homeless by his choice. My son also chose to be homeless. I can tell you that even though they are homeless they do not starve. If they can manage to find booze and drugs then they can surely find food. Never apologize for rambling. You ramble all you want, it helps to get it out. We are here for you. Be very good to yourself. Please do not lose sleep over your son, I'm sure he's not losing sleep over you. :group-hug::staystrong::notalone: [/QUOTE]
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Well, here I am, almost at breaking point - son aged 30
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