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Well, here I am, almost at breaking point - son aged 30
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<blockquote data-quote="Belle" data-source="post: 739351" data-attributes="member: 20661"><p>I wish I had something nice to say about the ongoing situation, but I don't.</p><p></p><p>How can things still be the same after so long? </p><p></p><p>Son is still homeless, still erratic, still taking drugs and drinking. </p><p></p><p>My sister moved a few months back and decided not to tell my son her new address because she can't handle him just pitching up at hers unannounced. </p><p></p><p>I thought things were starting to turn around early last year when he managed to sort out accommodation for himself in the same town my sister lived in (was about 70 miles from me). It was via an agency which helps homeless and vulnerable people. It was in a shared house but he was originally the only one in there which was good for him. Anyway, to cut a short story short (lol) He was only in there a matter of days before being made to leave over an issue with the neighbours (I don't think anyone but he and the neighbour will know the truth) and inviting the usual unsavoury people into the accommodation who then trashed it. So, back on the streets again which meant more visits at my sisters. She kept finding him asleep in her garage. The final straw came when a neighbour phoned her husband and said my son had been seen climbing in and out of her bedroom windows after they'd left for work and on top of that, she phoned me crying, saying she couldn't find two of her diamond rings. I suggested she go check all of his stuff stored in her garage, which she did and she found one of them. The other, I assume, he'd sold/swapped/given in payment for drink or drugs <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> For my sister, quite rightly the final straw. He was no longer allowed to go there or in the house. He's always denied it but why, when it was so clearly him and one of them was found in his bag? </p><p></p><p>So he came back to our town and it's all a repeat of everything I've in previous posts. Over and over and over..... </p><p></p><p>I meet him for lunch, not on a regular basis, but enough, I think. Sometimes it's ok but most times it ends in a row or abuse and one of us walking away. How can I just leave him on the street? Where is his money my mum left him when she died? (I try to explain there is no money until my dad passes away but he won't believe that).How can I go on holidays when he's sleeping outside in a bush with no food? The family are awful for leaving him like this. They don't care about him. He's going to commit suicide. He cries himself to sleep every night because of his life (this really hurts me). </p><p></p><p>Why doesn't he understand that I would do anything for him if he'd just take some steps to help himself? I've told him financial help is obviously not the answer because I've beeing doing that for almost six years and it hasn't made the slightest bit of difference. So then he gets mad about that. I said, tell me you're going to the doctors for some help, I'll be there in a shot. Whatever it takes, but no, he says he doesn't need the docs and to stop suggesting it. I did relent a bit on the money side a little while back and offered to pay the rent for six months on a little flat about two hours away - in the hope of giving him a fresh start but he said no, he's not moving out of this town. Ok. </p><p></p><p>I know that he takes more drugs now and I know that most of what he says to me is probably just an angle to get money for that, but it's so hard when I see the state of him or hear him talk. I just want to help him make things better but it doesn't work. I was in such a state the other day, after a particular horrible meeting with him and I said to my husband, if he carries on like this, he won't make it to the end of this year.</p><p></p><p>I had to have a blood test at the local hospital yesterday and bumped into him (he has a friend who lives near there) and he told me he'd slept on the grass outside and only come in because it was raining. My heart just sunk. I'm his mother. I don't want his life to be like this. I know the saying, you can't help someone until they help themselves, and I know it's true, but isn't it hard?</p><p></p><p>Thanks for reading through my continued ramblings. I have to say, every time I come here (which is quite often, I just don't post much) I'm given so much strength from members and their advice, comfort and wise words <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/grouphug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":grouphug:" title="grouphug :grouphug:" data-shortname=":grouphug:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Belle, post: 739351, member: 20661"] I wish I had something nice to say about the ongoing situation, but I don't. How can things still be the same after so long? Son is still homeless, still erratic, still taking drugs and drinking. My sister moved a few months back and decided not to tell my son her new address because she can't handle him just pitching up at hers unannounced. I thought things were starting to turn around early last year when he managed to sort out accommodation for himself in the same town my sister lived in (was about 70 miles from me). It was via an agency which helps homeless and vulnerable people. It was in a shared house but he was originally the only one in there which was good for him. Anyway, to cut a short story short (lol) He was only in there a matter of days before being made to leave over an issue with the neighbours (I don't think anyone but he and the neighbour will know the truth) and inviting the usual unsavoury people into the accommodation who then trashed it. So, back on the streets again which meant more visits at my sisters. She kept finding him asleep in her garage. The final straw came when a neighbour phoned her husband and said my son had been seen climbing in and out of her bedroom windows after they'd left for work and on top of that, she phoned me crying, saying she couldn't find two of her diamond rings. I suggested she go check all of his stuff stored in her garage, which she did and she found one of them. The other, I assume, he'd sold/swapped/given in payment for drink or drugs :( For my sister, quite rightly the final straw. He was no longer allowed to go there or in the house. He's always denied it but why, when it was so clearly him and one of them was found in his bag? So he came back to our town and it's all a repeat of everything I've in previous posts. Over and over and over..... I meet him for lunch, not on a regular basis, but enough, I think. Sometimes it's ok but most times it ends in a row or abuse and one of us walking away. How can I just leave him on the street? Where is his money my mum left him when she died? (I try to explain there is no money until my dad passes away but he won't believe that).How can I go on holidays when he's sleeping outside in a bush with no food? The family are awful for leaving him like this. They don't care about him. He's going to commit suicide. He cries himself to sleep every night because of his life (this really hurts me). Why doesn't he understand that I would do anything for him if he'd just take some steps to help himself? I've told him financial help is obviously not the answer because I've beeing doing that for almost six years and it hasn't made the slightest bit of difference. So then he gets mad about that. I said, tell me you're going to the doctors for some help, I'll be there in a shot. Whatever it takes, but no, he says he doesn't need the docs and to stop suggesting it. I did relent a bit on the money side a little while back and offered to pay the rent for six months on a little flat about two hours away - in the hope of giving him a fresh start but he said no, he's not moving out of this town. Ok. I know that he takes more drugs now and I know that most of what he says to me is probably just an angle to get money for that, but it's so hard when I see the state of him or hear him talk. I just want to help him make things better but it doesn't work. I was in such a state the other day, after a particular horrible meeting with him and I said to my husband, if he carries on like this, he won't make it to the end of this year. I had to have a blood test at the local hospital yesterday and bumped into him (he has a friend who lives near there) and he told me he'd slept on the grass outside and only come in because it was raining. My heart just sunk. I'm his mother. I don't want his life to be like this. I know the saying, you can't help someone until they help themselves, and I know it's true, but isn't it hard? Thanks for reading through my continued ramblings. I have to say, every time I come here (which is quite often, I just don't post much) I'm given so much strength from members and their advice, comfort and wise words :grouphug: [/QUOTE]
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Well, here I am, almost at breaking point - son aged 30
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