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Well, I was right and I wish I hadn't been
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 306162" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I know you find secret amusement (and perhaps significance?) in George saying dada and not mama, but I rememberreading decades ago in a Dr Spock book, that babies' first words are 'dada' rather than 'mama' because 'mama' requires sound from the front of the mouth and the lips, and babies' speech tends to develop from the back of the throat and forwards. Actually, if you had the chance to say this to daughter in law as part of reassuring her that it's not personal from George, could it soften her attitude a bit?</p><p></p><p>Although daughter in law does sound to be a problem, over-controlling and hypersensitive. Such people can get VERY annoyed when the rest of the world insists on not doing what he/she tells it to.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 didn't respond to his own name either, not until he was past 2 years old.</p><p></p><p>daughter in law sounds like she's grown up becoming an expert in denial. Very sad. This won't change.</p><p></p><p>All I can suggest is that your son work with George as much as he can. Therapy would be good, but frankly, your son can do a great deal just by doing the right things under the "dad" umbrella.</p><p></p><p>What George needs (based on what we were taught to do for difficult child 3 under the guise of "therapy" at the same age) - he needs someone to play with him in an age-appropriate way. WHat I'm describing here is the play therapy we were given as a group of mothers, whose sons had langage delay 9all for very different reasons). We had to sit on the floor with our kids and play with them. let the child choose what is being played with. In our case, difficult child 3 chose a Lego farm. He would pick up a piece of fence, I would say, "fence". (I was supposed to keep my contribution to two-three word sentences, no more. But I found that difficult child 3 really resented this, as if he felt it was demeaning or condescending. I had to use longer sentences, but I made a point of speaknig slowly and keeping it as simple, but natural, as possible).</p><p>difficult child 3 would pick up a cow and I would say, "Where does cow belong?"</p><p>Whatever difficult child 3 did, I would describe. Simply. I did not correct and say, "Cow does not go on barn roof." No, if that is where difficult child 3 sat the cow, I just said, "Cow is on barn roof."</p><p></p><p>What also helped A LOT was puzzles. We had a shapes ball, the kind you post different geometric shapes into. I did this with ALL my kids, but I realise now that what this did to difficult child 3 was teach him the repetitive and predictable nature of symbology. A square is alwaysa square, it is never a triangle. And once he understood that, it was easier for him to recognise the existence of symbology in other aspects of communication.</p><p></p><p>A big problem with language delay especially in autism (and related conditions) is when they simply don't recognise that a specific set of phonemes (or arrangement of letters) represents an object.</p><p></p><p>So to get around tat - keep workingon him, but not too much. Always some level of challenge, but ease it to what he can accept and handle.</p><p></p><p>Puzzles as I said are great. Get a shapes ball (if he likes it) and give him as much help as he needs, to post the shapes into the right place. Announce the name of the shape, then say the same word when he finds the correct hole to match.</p><p>Next step - make books for him, with the same shapes and also their names written in lower case careful printing. Then your son must READ this book to George.</p><p></p><p>Read other books to George, but especially write books about George and include photos of him. Your daughter in law should be OK with this especially if the stories are factual, are happy and include her in the story somewhere important (as they should - she IS his mother).</p><p>Example - "My name is George. I live with Mommy and Daddy. THis is Mommy [put in photo here]. This is Daddy [put in photo here]. We also have a dog. His name is ???? [put in dog's photo here]. I like to go for walks with Mommy or with Daddy. We sometimves visit Aunty ???. I play with [cousins' names]."</p><p></p><p>Use a large font and put in lots of photos with George prominently in every photo.</p><p>Displey this in one of those old hard-paged photo albums (the ones with the peel-off clear sheet, you place everything under the sheet and roll it back carefully to hold everything in place). This makes it easy for him to 'read' it.</p><p></p><p>What you aim for - the more it is read to him, the more he hears these sentences fluently said to him, but IN CONNECTION WITH THE PHOTOS OF HIM. These kids aqre intensely egocentric, so the photos of him are vital to hook in his personal involvement. It gives him an investment in the contents of the book.</p><p></p><p>This is just a start. There is a lot more. Read other books to him. Act them out. Make an absolute fool of yourselves reading aloud to him. My sister read aloud to her kids from infancy - in the hospital with her baby a few hours old, she was reading aloud to him.</p><p></p><p>Take lots of photos of him. Take photos of his daily routine - eating breakfast, getting dressed, going for a walk, eatlnig lunch, playing with his toys, eating dinner, having his bath, cleaning his teeth, going to bed. Photos of him asleep. Then use these photos to write illustrated stories about his daily life.</p><p></p><p>Therapy would be wonderful. But what I'm suggesting is almost as good. A lot of it is what a therpaist would suggest anyway. And where therapy isn't happening (for whatever reason) then this is a great way to go.</p><p></p><p>It'swhat we did. For many rasons, we didn't get much in the way of useful or ongoing therapy (or even assessments) for difficult child 3. Early assessments (when he was 3 and 4) were very pessimistic. His language delay at 4 was bad enough to have him fail his first IQ test - he simply hadn't understood the questions or even that he was being tested. The experts then told us that he had a very poor prognosis, would never attend a 'normal' school and would need close and ongoing support and supervision all his life. he would never be able to function independently.</p><p></p><p>And look at him now! We got him there mostly without therapy, simply because nothing was really available. While therapy is good to have, you shouldn't let the grass grow under your feet or wring your hands, because therapy isn't possible at the moment. Instead - do your own therapy. It IS possible, chances are you will be better able to fine-tune it simply because YOU know the child better than a therapist coming in cold.</p><p></p><p>Stimulate what needs stimulating, and do it yourselves until you can get the outside help you want. But never underestimate the power of a committed parent.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 306162, member: 1991"] I know you find secret amusement (and perhaps significance?) in George saying dada and not mama, but I rememberreading decades ago in a Dr Spock book, that babies' first words are 'dada' rather than 'mama' because 'mama' requires sound from the front of the mouth and the lips, and babies' speech tends to develop from the back of the throat and forwards. Actually, if you had the chance to say this to daughter in law as part of reassuring her that it's not personal from George, could it soften her attitude a bit? Although daughter in law does sound to be a problem, over-controlling and hypersensitive. Such people can get VERY annoyed when the rest of the world insists on not doing what he/she tells it to. difficult child 3 didn't respond to his own name either, not until he was past 2 years old. daughter in law sounds like she's grown up becoming an expert in denial. Very sad. This won't change. All I can suggest is that your son work with George as much as he can. Therapy would be good, but frankly, your son can do a great deal just by doing the right things under the "dad" umbrella. What George needs (based on what we were taught to do for difficult child 3 under the guise of "therapy" at the same age) - he needs someone to play with him in an age-appropriate way. WHat I'm describing here is the play therapy we were given as a group of mothers, whose sons had langage delay 9all for very different reasons). We had to sit on the floor with our kids and play with them. let the child choose what is being played with. In our case, difficult child 3 chose a Lego farm. He would pick up a piece of fence, I would say, "fence". (I was supposed to keep my contribution to two-three word sentences, no more. But I found that difficult child 3 really resented this, as if he felt it was demeaning or condescending. I had to use longer sentences, but I made a point of speaknig slowly and keeping it as simple, but natural, as possible). difficult child 3 would pick up a cow and I would say, "Where does cow belong?" Whatever difficult child 3 did, I would describe. Simply. I did not correct and say, "Cow does not go on barn roof." No, if that is where difficult child 3 sat the cow, I just said, "Cow is on barn roof." What also helped A LOT was puzzles. We had a shapes ball, the kind you post different geometric shapes into. I did this with ALL my kids, but I realise now that what this did to difficult child 3 was teach him the repetitive and predictable nature of symbology. A square is alwaysa square, it is never a triangle. And once he understood that, it was easier for him to recognise the existence of symbology in other aspects of communication. A big problem with language delay especially in autism (and related conditions) is when they simply don't recognise that a specific set of phonemes (or arrangement of letters) represents an object. So to get around tat - keep workingon him, but not too much. Always some level of challenge, but ease it to what he can accept and handle. Puzzles as I said are great. Get a shapes ball (if he likes it) and give him as much help as he needs, to post the shapes into the right place. Announce the name of the shape, then say the same word when he finds the correct hole to match. Next step - make books for him, with the same shapes and also their names written in lower case careful printing. Then your son must READ this book to George. Read other books to George, but especially write books about George and include photos of him. Your daughter in law should be OK with this especially if the stories are factual, are happy and include her in the story somewhere important (as they should - she IS his mother). Example - "My name is George. I live with Mommy and Daddy. THis is Mommy [put in photo here]. This is Daddy [put in photo here]. We also have a dog. His name is ???? [put in dog's photo here]. I like to go for walks with Mommy or with Daddy. We sometimves visit Aunty ???. I play with [cousins' names]." Use a large font and put in lots of photos with George prominently in every photo. Displey this in one of those old hard-paged photo albums (the ones with the peel-off clear sheet, you place everything under the sheet and roll it back carefully to hold everything in place). This makes it easy for him to 'read' it. What you aim for - the more it is read to him, the more he hears these sentences fluently said to him, but IN CONNECTION WITH THE PHOTOS OF HIM. These kids aqre intensely egocentric, so the photos of him are vital to hook in his personal involvement. It gives him an investment in the contents of the book. This is just a start. There is a lot more. Read other books to him. Act them out. Make an absolute fool of yourselves reading aloud to him. My sister read aloud to her kids from infancy - in the hospital with her baby a few hours old, she was reading aloud to him. Take lots of photos of him. Take photos of his daily routine - eating breakfast, getting dressed, going for a walk, eatlnig lunch, playing with his toys, eating dinner, having his bath, cleaning his teeth, going to bed. Photos of him asleep. Then use these photos to write illustrated stories about his daily life. Therapy would be wonderful. But what I'm suggesting is almost as good. A lot of it is what a therpaist would suggest anyway. And where therapy isn't happening (for whatever reason) then this is a great way to go. It'swhat we did. For many rasons, we didn't get much in the way of useful or ongoing therapy (or even assessments) for difficult child 3. Early assessments (when he was 3 and 4) were very pessimistic. His language delay at 4 was bad enough to have him fail his first IQ test - he simply hadn't understood the questions or even that he was being tested. The experts then told us that he had a very poor prognosis, would never attend a 'normal' school and would need close and ongoing support and supervision all his life. he would never be able to function independently. And look at him now! We got him there mostly without therapy, simply because nothing was really available. While therapy is good to have, you shouldn't let the grass grow under your feet or wring your hands, because therapy isn't possible at the moment. Instead - do your own therapy. It IS possible, chances are you will be better able to fine-tune it simply because YOU know the child better than a therapist coming in cold. Stimulate what needs stimulating, and do it yourselves until you can get the outside help you want. But never underestimate the power of a committed parent. Marg [/QUOTE]
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