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Well, I was right and I wish I hadn't been
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 306387" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>MWM, I think you beat yourself up too much over what you said to your daughter and she passed on to daughter in law with disastrous consequences - she sounds like she would be just as difficult with you even if you had said nothing. This was always going to go bad. You just happened to hand her an excuse. If it hadn't been your innocent remark, it would have been another innnocent remark.</p><p></p><p>I want to say to all of you - therapy is great, if you can get it. But if you can't, such a child can STILL be helped, surreptitiously if necessary, simply by doing what you would do for any child. Stimulation. Giving the child what he/she seems to crave. Sitting beside the child and interacting on the child's level. Acting as if you believe the child can do anything. Read the child a book on quantum physics if you wish - what is working here, is the interaction even if there is no understanding, at least to begin with.</p><p></p><p>Tell your son to love his child and be with him as much as he is permitted. Reading aloud to him (anything at all) and reading with as much expression as he can get away with, would probably benefit them both. Read the newspaper, even.</p><p></p><p>I have been having a series of interviews from a TV reporter (he rang me again today, flattened the battery on my mobile phone) who wants to do a story on the lack of services we've had all through raising difficult child 3. That is what has made me really realise, especially today - we really have had very little. We've coped in isolation with minimal services and half-time aides at school who had nothing but compassion to work with. We were working blind the whole time, reacting rather than being able to be proactive. There is so much more I wish we could do - but when I look back to the beginning, we have achieved amazing things. Without that help.</p><p></p><p>Who knows how we would have gone if we'd had access to decent therapy on a regular basis? Would things be significantly better? I don't know. But it makes me realise - my parental instincts have been at least as effective, if not vastly more so, than all the therapy we've had, combined.</p><p></p><p>I know George's current situation is a therapy limbo, it risks having him lose valuable devleopment time at a very important period in his early development. That is bad - but if there's nothing that can be done to intervene, I don't know what more you could do. However, there are little, subtle things that can be done within the parameters of normal parenting, that shouldn't come in for criticism or suspicion from his mother.</p><p></p><p>What I'm saying - there is hope. Probably a lot more of it than you give yourselves credit for.</p><p></p><p>I remember reading (years ago) that research showed that the best prognosis for kids with Downs Syndrome was to stimulate them as much as possible. Where we normally surround a newborn baby with pastels and soft textures, a Downs baby needed to be constantly stimulated by bright primary colours in the nursery, access to different textures, different experiences constantly, lots of noise (different noises too) - as much variation and stimulation as possible. You can do this to any child and get good results.</p><p></p><p>My older three kids were placed in long day care centres from 12 weeks old. I had no choice but to go back to work full-time. At the time I felt awful about it and also copped a lot of criticism from people who felt a mother should stay home with her babies. But especially given the ultimate diagnosis of two of those three, I am so glad I went back to work. The environment of the child care centres was highly stimulating and when those kids finally started school they were well-equipped to cope and as socially adapted as each of them could possibly be. Even difficult child 1, with his Asperger's, had definitely benefitted socially.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was also in childcare, but not full time and not such long hours. Again, I think it helped him a lot, in ways we couldn't have known at the time.</p><p></p><p>Looking back - difficult child 3 was stimulated a lot more than the average baby. Even at home we gave him access to the piano, to the computer, to educational programs on TV and frankly to anything he showed an interest in.</p><p></p><p>Stimulation. He could choose to take what he could handle and leave the rest. I observed what he gravitated to and gave him more of it. When he seemed to be avoiding things he needed some exposure to, I forced it as much as he could tolerate.</p><p></p><p>MWM, cast your own mind back to the things that have helped your Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids. Is this sort of stimulation a factor?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 306387, member: 1991"] MWM, I think you beat yourself up too much over what you said to your daughter and she passed on to daughter in law with disastrous consequences - she sounds like she would be just as difficult with you even if you had said nothing. This was always going to go bad. You just happened to hand her an excuse. If it hadn't been your innocent remark, it would have been another innnocent remark. I want to say to all of you - therapy is great, if you can get it. But if you can't, such a child can STILL be helped, surreptitiously if necessary, simply by doing what you would do for any child. Stimulation. Giving the child what he/she seems to crave. Sitting beside the child and interacting on the child's level. Acting as if you believe the child can do anything. Read the child a book on quantum physics if you wish - what is working here, is the interaction even if there is no understanding, at least to begin with. Tell your son to love his child and be with him as much as he is permitted. Reading aloud to him (anything at all) and reading with as much expression as he can get away with, would probably benefit them both. Read the newspaper, even. I have been having a series of interviews from a TV reporter (he rang me again today, flattened the battery on my mobile phone) who wants to do a story on the lack of services we've had all through raising difficult child 3. That is what has made me really realise, especially today - we really have had very little. We've coped in isolation with minimal services and half-time aides at school who had nothing but compassion to work with. We were working blind the whole time, reacting rather than being able to be proactive. There is so much more I wish we could do - but when I look back to the beginning, we have achieved amazing things. Without that help. Who knows how we would have gone if we'd had access to decent therapy on a regular basis? Would things be significantly better? I don't know. But it makes me realise - my parental instincts have been at least as effective, if not vastly more so, than all the therapy we've had, combined. I know George's current situation is a therapy limbo, it risks having him lose valuable devleopment time at a very important period in his early development. That is bad - but if there's nothing that can be done to intervene, I don't know what more you could do. However, there are little, subtle things that can be done within the parameters of normal parenting, that shouldn't come in for criticism or suspicion from his mother. What I'm saying - there is hope. Probably a lot more of it than you give yourselves credit for. I remember reading (years ago) that research showed that the best prognosis for kids with Downs Syndrome was to stimulate them as much as possible. Where we normally surround a newborn baby with pastels and soft textures, a Downs baby needed to be constantly stimulated by bright primary colours in the nursery, access to different textures, different experiences constantly, lots of noise (different noises too) - as much variation and stimulation as possible. You can do this to any child and get good results. My older three kids were placed in long day care centres from 12 weeks old. I had no choice but to go back to work full-time. At the time I felt awful about it and also copped a lot of criticism from people who felt a mother should stay home with her babies. But especially given the ultimate diagnosis of two of those three, I am so glad I went back to work. The environment of the child care centres was highly stimulating and when those kids finally started school they were well-equipped to cope and as socially adapted as each of them could possibly be. Even difficult child 1, with his Asperger's, had definitely benefitted socially. difficult child 3 was also in childcare, but not full time and not such long hours. Again, I think it helped him a lot, in ways we couldn't have known at the time. Looking back - difficult child 3 was stimulated a lot more than the average baby. Even at home we gave him access to the piano, to the computer, to educational programs on TV and frankly to anything he showed an interest in. Stimulation. He could choose to take what he could handle and leave the rest. I observed what he gravitated to and gave him more of it. When he seemed to be avoiding things he needed some exposure to, I forced it as much as he could tolerate. MWM, cast your own mind back to the things that have helped your Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids. Is this sort of stimulation a factor? Marg [/QUOTE]
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