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Well I'm back from meeting with PO
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 475937" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Obviously you are between a rock and a hard place. Any posts I do are not intended to sway you because you are the one who has to chart the course. Whichever way you choose to cope with this change you'll get nothing but support. I promise.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile I'll toss a few more thoughts out. Hope you don't mind.</p><p></p><p>If your primary concern is your personal safety I don't think that anyone in the system or out of the system can assure that peace of mind. There is no way to know what, if anything, difficult child has learned during his lengthly stay in Juvie. Obviously he is not going to say "I'm going to do the same things over again." He's not a dumb bunny. on the other hand if he swore and avowed that he had experienced a "Come to Jesus" revelation nobody is going to buy that either. Honestly I don't know of a thing he could do or say that would make you feel safe. Also, obviously, the PO can't give assurance either.</p><p></p><p>difficult child has spent a long time being told exactly what to do, when to do it, what the consequences are for failing to do as instructed by a horde of authority figures. To go from having no freedom to having "normal" freedoms with one parent in charge will/would be breathtaking. The "system" is offering step down services in an attempt to make sure that he knows he must follow the basic rules and that in addition to his Mom there are emotionally detached adults monitoring his choices. It seems to me that involvement is necessary if he is going to achieve maturity.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately that path (if you choose to have him come home) has to include you. Even with non-violent difficult child's that can't just backoff after discharge. Our experiences with PO visits have not been too intrusive. We've been through ankle bracelets and daily phone calls and color coding systems which required drug testing the next day which made it necessary for me to leave work to transport him to the designated center. We have had PO's who dropped in for five minutes and others who stayed for a longer period. We've also had uniformed policemen (yuk!) pull up in our front yard to make sure difficult child was home after curfew. It was not comfortable but it was required. All this paragraph was for a teen whose offense was being caught with part of a blunt on his person. That is Department of Juvenile Justice.</p><p></p><p>I'm sending my most supportive thoughts to you as you approach this juncture. I can only guess how much anxiety this is causing. Hugs. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 475937, member: 35"] Obviously you are between a rock and a hard place. Any posts I do are not intended to sway you because you are the one who has to chart the course. Whichever way you choose to cope with this change you'll get nothing but support. I promise. Meanwhile I'll toss a few more thoughts out. Hope you don't mind. If your primary concern is your personal safety I don't think that anyone in the system or out of the system can assure that peace of mind. There is no way to know what, if anything, difficult child has learned during his lengthly stay in Juvie. Obviously he is not going to say "I'm going to do the same things over again." He's not a dumb bunny. on the other hand if he swore and avowed that he had experienced a "Come to Jesus" revelation nobody is going to buy that either. Honestly I don't know of a thing he could do or say that would make you feel safe. Also, obviously, the PO can't give assurance either. difficult child has spent a long time being told exactly what to do, when to do it, what the consequences are for failing to do as instructed by a horde of authority figures. To go from having no freedom to having "normal" freedoms with one parent in charge will/would be breathtaking. The "system" is offering step down services in an attempt to make sure that he knows he must follow the basic rules and that in addition to his Mom there are emotionally detached adults monitoring his choices. It seems to me that involvement is necessary if he is going to achieve maturity. Unfortunately that path (if you choose to have him come home) has to include you. Even with non-violent difficult child's that can't just backoff after discharge. Our experiences with PO visits have not been too intrusive. We've been through ankle bracelets and daily phone calls and color coding systems which required drug testing the next day which made it necessary for me to leave work to transport him to the designated center. We have had PO's who dropped in for five minutes and others who stayed for a longer period. We've also had uniformed policemen (yuk!) pull up in our front yard to make sure difficult child was home after curfew. It was not comfortable but it was required. All this paragraph was for a teen whose offense was being caught with part of a blunt on his person. That is Department of Juvenile Justice. I'm sending my most supportive thoughts to you as you approach this juncture. I can only guess how much anxiety this is causing. Hugs. DDD [/QUOTE]
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