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Substance Abuse
Well, it happened . . .
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 600109" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Kathy, I just read the post about difficult child losing her job. Now, she leaves the sober living environment. It just rings a bell with me regarding my own daughter's behavior. Both of them, intentionally destroying their lives with what certainly looks like malice aforethought.</p><p></p><p>Before we caved and tried to find difficult child a hotel room? Researching and actually talking to homeless shelter staff about conditions in the shelters helped us to be strong enough to say "no" for a little while. I think it might be a good idea for you to prepare yourself in those ways, Kathy. Our difficult child had a thousand reasons why the shelters are dangerous (and I'm sure they probably are). About why the Mission where there is free dinner every day was too far away to walk when her feet were so abraded or the food wasn't good or whatever. Talking with staff at these places helped us be stronger. </p><p></p><p>Here is an interesting thing: Our difficult child is homeless and on the streets again BY CHOICE. She could come home. She could be living with an old druggie friend who has a subsidized apartment and is willing to take difficult child in. difficult child's justification is that she is in love with her "boyfriend." A man so violent even the ex-druggie refuses to take him in AND SO difficult child STAYS ON THE STREETS WITH HIM. He likes to beat difficult child half to death. That is why the ex-druggie threw him out. </p><p></p><p>Know the latest? difficult child is so upset that we don't want "boyfriend" here for the 4th of July. It's unbelievable stuff, right? </p><p></p><p>So strange. It's like they want to hurt us. Almost like they are laughing at us in secret, as we run circles around them, trying to keep them safe, trying to make it possible for them to recover, to do the right thing.</p><p></p><p>I think what I am trying to tell you is that maybe difficult children don't feel the same terror and shame about living on the streets as we would, if it were us?</p><p></p><p>That is why we always try to help them, of course. We put ourselves in their places. But...maybe that life of living homeless/wreckless on someone else's dime feels okay to some difficult children.</p><p></p><p>Here is another interesting similarity between our daughters: Yours is determined to come home. Ours is determined, absolutely determined, NOT to come home ~ and not to live in any home...and to be sure we know about the baddies and the bad things that are happening to her.</p><p></p><p>In our daughter's minds...are they punishing us?</p><p></p><p>It just seems so strange that my difficult child invariably does the worst possible thing in our eyes. AND SHE ALWAYS HAS. And that yours is and has been so absolutely determined to live at YOUR home, again. Even after what has happened every time you have allowed that. </p><p></p><p>These past months, when your and husband's lives have been pretty much focused on your difficult child's needs and recovery...it's like she snagged you in and got you to run the full course before she pretty much took a powder and left you holding the empty bag of all you'd hoped for, for her. </p><p></p><p>Empty of a lot of money, too.</p><p></p><p>Ours has taken a good portion of our money, too.... </p><p></p><p>And for both our daughters, the aim almost seems to be to do the worst possible thing right where we can see it.</p><p></p><p>These things cannot all be accidents...can they?</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 600109, member: 1721"] Kathy, I just read the post about difficult child losing her job. Now, she leaves the sober living environment. It just rings a bell with me regarding my own daughter's behavior. Both of them, intentionally destroying their lives with what certainly looks like malice aforethought. Before we caved and tried to find difficult child a hotel room? Researching and actually talking to homeless shelter staff about conditions in the shelters helped us to be strong enough to say "no" for a little while. I think it might be a good idea for you to prepare yourself in those ways, Kathy. Our difficult child had a thousand reasons why the shelters are dangerous (and I'm sure they probably are). About why the Mission where there is free dinner every day was too far away to walk when her feet were so abraded or the food wasn't good or whatever. Talking with staff at these places helped us be stronger. Here is an interesting thing: Our difficult child is homeless and on the streets again BY CHOICE. She could come home. She could be living with an old druggie friend who has a subsidized apartment and is willing to take difficult child in. difficult child's justification is that she is in love with her "boyfriend." A man so violent even the ex-druggie refuses to take him in AND SO difficult child STAYS ON THE STREETS WITH HIM. He likes to beat difficult child half to death. That is why the ex-druggie threw him out. Know the latest? difficult child is so upset that we don't want "boyfriend" here for the 4th of July. It's unbelievable stuff, right? So strange. It's like they want to hurt us. Almost like they are laughing at us in secret, as we run circles around them, trying to keep them safe, trying to make it possible for them to recover, to do the right thing. I think what I am trying to tell you is that maybe difficult children don't feel the same terror and shame about living on the streets as we would, if it were us? That is why we always try to help them, of course. We put ourselves in their places. But...maybe that life of living homeless/wreckless on someone else's dime feels okay to some difficult children. Here is another interesting similarity between our daughters: Yours is determined to come home. Ours is determined, absolutely determined, NOT to come home ~ and not to live in any home...and to be sure we know about the baddies and the bad things that are happening to her. In our daughter's minds...are they punishing us? It just seems so strange that my difficult child invariably does the worst possible thing in our eyes. AND SHE ALWAYS HAS. And that yours is and has been so absolutely determined to live at YOUR home, again. Even after what has happened every time you have allowed that. These past months, when your and husband's lives have been pretty much focused on your difficult child's needs and recovery...it's like she snagged you in and got you to run the full course before she pretty much took a powder and left you holding the empty bag of all you'd hoped for, for her. Empty of a lot of money, too. Ours has taken a good portion of our money, too.... And for both our daughters, the aim almost seems to be to do the worst possible thing right where we can see it. These things cannot all be accidents...can they? Barbara [/QUOTE]
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