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Parent Emeritus
Well, that didn't last long :(
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 635951" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Echo, I really liked this "sketchy." My son has always been sketchy. I can never tell when he's lying (you can't either, Lil) and plenty of times I found out late in the game that he HAD been lying. Lil, this is my take on "sketchy." They have imploded our trust and if we don't trust them, which we shouldn't, it is too bad. They don't deserve to be trusted until they start living within societal norms and not like babies. I would not, for example, let my son or daughter or anything in my house EVER stay ouf all night, regardless of age or behavior, without checking in and telling me where he/she/it is going. No way. My house/my rules. You want to do whatever you want to do at night? Move out. I assume that if an eighteen and older is out ALL NIGHT the person is up to no good. If my husband was out all night, and he is 58, we'd be talking divorce. Nobody has a right to do whatever he wants to do based on age. Not if you live with others. In my opinion, and I could be wrong, I think that just encourages irresponsibility.</p><p></p><p>Heck, when my daughter took drugs, I regularly checked up on her and searched her room. In my house, she had lost her right to privacy. I found out a lot about her activities that way and could decide what to do about them. At that time, however, she was mostly a minor.</p><p></p><p>The short version of this rambling is that your son doesn't deserve your trust as he hasn't earned it and you don't have to have everything proven to a fault. Use your mom gut. In your heart, you know. If it turns out you made a mistake, I used to say, "Well, I DID trust you for most of your life and you eroded my trust. It was horrible for me, but now I find I can't believe you, even if I want to. So you will have to live with a lack of privacy or go live somewhere else. I need to try to keep you safe and you also need to care about my anxiety level."</p><p></p><p>Hug your therapy dogs (I hug mine for comfort!!!) and try to relax. If he doesn't work, he will reap natural consequences. Perhaps he can't get up because he takes drugs you don't know he's taking so he's groggy in the morning. We had this with my daughter and we were so clueless we never thought "drugs!" We thought she was just using pot. Keep an open mind. Anything could be going on with your son. They are good at hiding what they do!!! And you are not alone at all! We care about you AND your son!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 635951, member: 1550"] Echo, I really liked this "sketchy." My son has always been sketchy. I can never tell when he's lying (you can't either, Lil) and plenty of times I found out late in the game that he HAD been lying. Lil, this is my take on "sketchy." They have imploded our trust and if we don't trust them, which we shouldn't, it is too bad. They don't deserve to be trusted until they start living within societal norms and not like babies. I would not, for example, let my son or daughter or anything in my house EVER stay ouf all night, regardless of age or behavior, without checking in and telling me where he/she/it is going. No way. My house/my rules. You want to do whatever you want to do at night? Move out. I assume that if an eighteen and older is out ALL NIGHT the person is up to no good. If my husband was out all night, and he is 58, we'd be talking divorce. Nobody has a right to do whatever he wants to do based on age. Not if you live with others. In my opinion, and I could be wrong, I think that just encourages irresponsibility. Heck, when my daughter took drugs, I regularly checked up on her and searched her room. In my house, she had lost her right to privacy. I found out a lot about her activities that way and could decide what to do about them. At that time, however, she was mostly a minor. The short version of this rambling is that your son doesn't deserve your trust as he hasn't earned it and you don't have to have everything proven to a fault. Use your mom gut. In your heart, you know. If it turns out you made a mistake, I used to say, "Well, I DID trust you for most of your life and you eroded my trust. It was horrible for me, but now I find I can't believe you, even if I want to. So you will have to live with a lack of privacy or go live somewhere else. I need to try to keep you safe and you also need to care about my anxiety level." Hug your therapy dogs (I hug mine for comfort!!!) and try to relax. If he doesn't work, he will reap natural consequences. Perhaps he can't get up because he takes drugs you don't know he's taking so he's groggy in the morning. We had this with my daughter and we were so clueless we never thought "drugs!" We thought she was just using pot. Keep an open mind. Anything could be going on with your son. They are good at hiding what they do!!! And you are not alone at all! We care about you AND your son! [/QUOTE]
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