Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Well, we're going 'somewhere'.............
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 622519" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I am so pleased for you, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>I wonder whether, as we learn to tend our own gardens, cherishing and displaying, but nevermore transplanting, those things most beautiful to us into the gardens of our daughters, where they shrivel and become ugly and die...perhaps then our daughters will be free to cherish and choose and tend, glorying in the seasonal colors, in the times of quiet and of rebirth in their own gardens, freely, generously, with joy.</p><p></p><p>I love that, about the French toast.</p><p></p><p>I love it that your daughter has a way and a place to be generous, to be so grateful to learn who she is.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think I said that, Child. What I meant is that after a certain age, a cynicism enters into every aspect of our relationships with our difficult child kids. If we don't acknowledge that we no longer approach their issues with the same fervent determination to change things for them, we begin to minimize, to prattle "elevator music" sayings, that kind of thing. We protect ourselves by lying to ourselves about what is really happening, about the hopelessness and futility we feel in our bones. But here's the thing: Our children are their own. What if we really did let go of their destinies? Once we've offered education (at the appropriate age) and, if they refuse it...we considered our obligation to educate them, our dream for their lives, over? </p><p></p><p>And then, what if we reclaimed our own lives?</p><p></p><p>As Child of Mine posts to us, we have enough to deal with just managing our own time here.</p><p></p><p>People change every minute, every blessed second, of their lives, Child. I believe that wholeheartedly. The longer I practice detachment, the longer I practice trying to stay open...I seem to be seeing that it is true that our children's lives are not ours to change, not ours to judge or even, to cherish.</p><p>That special way a mother cherishes her children has to do with ownership. That is why we take offense, why we slide down whatever rabbit hole they've chosen to explore with them.</p><p></p><p>What if we let go of that, once the child is undeniably an adult, making adult choices, exploring their lives as they choose to?</p><p></p><p>What if we learn to see it that way?</p><p></p><p>Joy, that's what.</p><p></p><p>The pure joy of laughter with your child, or of holding strong for them, as we do for one another, here. Goodwill toward our children would happen.</p><p>If they are going to die, there is nothing we can or should do about that, except to really see them while they live, to see them as separate people from ourselves.</p><p></p><p>No judgment.</p><p></p><p>Life is not only stranger than we think it is, it is stranger than we CAN think it is. I don't remember who said that, now. I think about it alot, though.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 622519, member: 17461"] I am so pleased for you, Recovering. I wonder whether, as we learn to tend our own gardens, cherishing and displaying, but nevermore transplanting, those things most beautiful to us into the gardens of our daughters, where they shrivel and become ugly and die...perhaps then our daughters will be free to cherish and choose and tend, glorying in the seasonal colors, in the times of quiet and of rebirth in their own gardens, freely, generously, with joy. I love that, about the French toast. I love it that your daughter has a way and a place to be generous, to be so grateful to learn who she is. I think I said that, Child. What I meant is that after a certain age, a cynicism enters into every aspect of our relationships with our difficult child kids. If we don't acknowledge that we no longer approach their issues with the same fervent determination to change things for them, we begin to minimize, to prattle "elevator music" sayings, that kind of thing. We protect ourselves by lying to ourselves about what is really happening, about the hopelessness and futility we feel in our bones. But here's the thing: Our children are their own. What if we really did let go of their destinies? Once we've offered education (at the appropriate age) and, if they refuse it...we considered our obligation to educate them, our dream for their lives, over? And then, what if we reclaimed our own lives? As Child of Mine posts to us, we have enough to deal with just managing our own time here. People change every minute, every blessed second, of their lives, Child. I believe that wholeheartedly. The longer I practice detachment, the longer I practice trying to stay open...I seem to be seeing that it is true that our children's lives are not ours to change, not ours to judge or even, to cherish. That special way a mother cherishes her children has to do with ownership. That is why we take offense, why we slide down whatever rabbit hole they've chosen to explore with them. What if we let go of that, once the child is undeniably an adult, making adult choices, exploring their lives as they choose to? What if we learn to see it that way? Joy, that's what. The pure joy of laughter with your child, or of holding strong for them, as we do for one another, here. Goodwill toward our children would happen. If they are going to die, there is nothing we can or should do about that, except to really see them while they live, to see them as separate people from ourselves. No judgment. Life is not only stranger than we think it is, it is stranger than we CAN think it is. I don't remember who said that, now. I think about it alot, though. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Well, we're going 'somewhere'.............
Top