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Went Too Far... Face to Face
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 691567" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Typical. This does not surprise me in the least. When our kids live in our homes they refer to "their" room. Yes, it's their room for the time we have them in our homes to raise them, but they hit that turning point. I went through this with my son. When I knew he was bringing drugs into my home I started searching "his" room. He was enraged!! How dare I go through "his" room. I told him when he made a years worth of house and utility payments.</p><p>I don't know what it is about their mentality thinking what we have is somehow theirs. </p><p>Child support is awarded to the parent, not the child. The money was never hers. You know this and she is delusional about the fact. She is desperate, she is lashing out. Her behavior no matter how ugly, is really quite "normal" for what she is dealing with. The drugs are messing with her ability to think clearly and the woman she is staying with is feeding into her anger towards you.</p><p>Something you may want to do just to prove a point to her.</p><p>Write out what it cost to raise her. If there are three of you in the home divide the cost of living by 3 and times that by how ever many years she has lived with you from the time the child support was awarded. Add in the cost of clothes, food, dental, health ins, I mean EVERYTHING. Take the total amount of child support you received and compare it to what the actual cost is. Chances are, she owes you money. </p><p>My guess is that she will not let this go, but if you put it on paper for her to see it might make her see how ridiculous her claim on the child support is.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh I've been there!! My son is 6' 4" and on numerous occasions he would stand in front of me, like 4 inches from me with his fists clenched, breathing heavily and literally seething and the look of hatred coming out of his eyes was very frightening. I always hid my fear from him and never backed down.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You have nothing to feel stupid about. Yes, she set you up. She had an ulterior motive in wanting to get her hands on money that she thinks belongs to her. Lesson learned, painful, but useful. You now know for sure that when she reaches out to you it's not because she wants to work on mending the relationship.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You may want to sit with this for a while and think on it but with that there are also questions.</p><p>If, you and your husband got her into an apt. what does that look like? You pay the security deposit and 2 months rent and make it clear to her that this is it, there will be no more help. </p><p>My point of this is you and your husband need to try and be aligned with how you are going to deal with her. </p><p>My husband, who is my sons step dad was always more willing to keep "helping" and I was just done. It caused some stress in our marriage. It really helped to talk it through and agree to whatever. </p><p></p><p>You should be very proud of yourself Skool. I think you are dealing with this as very best you can. </p><p></p><p>Sending you all my positive energy and ((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 691567, member: 18516"] Typical. This does not surprise me in the least. When our kids live in our homes they refer to "their" room. Yes, it's their room for the time we have them in our homes to raise them, but they hit that turning point. I went through this with my son. When I knew he was bringing drugs into my home I started searching "his" room. He was enraged!! How dare I go through "his" room. I told him when he made a years worth of house and utility payments. I don't know what it is about their mentality thinking what we have is somehow theirs. Child support is awarded to the parent, not the child. The money was never hers. You know this and she is delusional about the fact. She is desperate, she is lashing out. Her behavior no matter how ugly, is really quite "normal" for what she is dealing with. The drugs are messing with her ability to think clearly and the woman she is staying with is feeding into her anger towards you. Something you may want to do just to prove a point to her. Write out what it cost to raise her. If there are three of you in the home divide the cost of living by 3 and times that by how ever many years she has lived with you from the time the child support was awarded. Add in the cost of clothes, food, dental, health ins, I mean EVERYTHING. Take the total amount of child support you received and compare it to what the actual cost is. Chances are, she owes you money. My guess is that she will not let this go, but if you put it on paper for her to see it might make her see how ridiculous her claim on the child support is. Oh I've been there!! My son is 6' 4" and on numerous occasions he would stand in front of me, like 4 inches from me with his fists clenched, breathing heavily and literally seething and the look of hatred coming out of his eyes was very frightening. I always hid my fear from him and never backed down. You have nothing to feel stupid about. Yes, she set you up. She had an ulterior motive in wanting to get her hands on money that she thinks belongs to her. Lesson learned, painful, but useful. You now know for sure that when she reaches out to you it's not because she wants to work on mending the relationship. You may want to sit with this for a while and think on it but with that there are also questions. If, you and your husband got her into an apt. what does that look like? You pay the security deposit and 2 months rent and make it clear to her that this is it, there will be no more help. My point of this is you and your husband need to try and be aligned with how you are going to deal with her. My husband, who is my sons step dad was always more willing to keep "helping" and I was just done. It caused some stress in our marriage. It really helped to talk it through and agree to whatever. You should be very proud of yourself Skool. I think you are dealing with this as very best you can. Sending you all my positive energy and ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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