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we've been overly involved
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<blockquote data-quote="Sue C" data-source="post: 117064" data-attributes="member: 87"><p>husband and I read up on Borderline Personality Disorder and on the ConductDisorders website (and I read a book on it), and we truly believe Melissa could have this. We told her so and told her she needs to seek help, but she denies it and will not check into it.</p><p></p><p>One of the statements I read is sticking in my mind. It is:</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Quote: Borderline patients who are from overinvolved families are often actively struggling with a dependency issue by denial or by anger at their parents.</em></p><p></p><p>husband and I have always been overly involved with Melissa's life. We want to know what's going on with her and her friends and boyfriends. We want to know how she's doing at work, how she was doing when she was at school. We are too involved and realize now that we have always been. We have a big tendency to make things right for her, to bail her out of situations, etc. How can we expect her to become independent when we are not allowing it?</p><p></p><p>It is kind of hard to immediately cut her off, but we have stopped asking questions. If she wants to offer how her day went, fine. If she wants to tell us about her newest boyfriend, fine. If she has a problem, she needs to figure out how to deal with it herself.</p><p></p><p>We constantly tell ourselves she is too dependent upon us, but we never thought that she was that way because we've been overly involved. I find this very interesting, and it will help us change...and hopefully will help her become independent.</p><p></p><p>Am I finally understanding what detaching is?? Is it not being overly involved??</p><p></p><p>sue</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sue C, post: 117064, member: 87"] husband and I read up on Borderline Personality Disorder and on the ConductDisorders website (and I read a book on it), and we truly believe Melissa could have this. We told her so and told her she needs to seek help, but she denies it and will not check into it. One of the statements I read is sticking in my mind. It is: [I] Quote: Borderline patients who are from overinvolved families are often actively struggling with a dependency issue by denial or by anger at their parents.[/I] husband and I have always been overly involved with Melissa's life. We want to know what's going on with her and her friends and boyfriends. We want to know how she's doing at work, how she was doing when she was at school. We are too involved and realize now that we have always been. We have a big tendency to make things right for her, to bail her out of situations, etc. How can we expect her to become independent when we are not allowing it? It is kind of hard to immediately cut her off, but we have stopped asking questions. If she wants to offer how her day went, fine. If she wants to tell us about her newest boyfriend, fine. If she has a problem, she needs to figure out how to deal with it herself. We constantly tell ourselves she is too dependent upon us, but we never thought that she was that way because we've been overly involved. I find this very interesting, and it will help us change...and hopefully will help her become independent. Am I finally understanding what detaching is?? Is it not being overly involved?? sue [/QUOTE]
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