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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 626726" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is perfect. The girls are together as sisters surrounded by the males in their families. They are learning a kind of strength, a way to see and respond to uncontrollable events in a positive and strengthening way.</p><p></p><p>This is a wonderful story.</p><p></p><p>After all the pain, all the denial and power plays, the girls have those things that are priceless, to them.</p><p></p><p>This was handled so well, Recovering.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I feel that way sometimes too, Recovering. Part of it is that we have run the gamut of feelings for so long. Storage units represent our children's capacities to reclaim their lives, to reclaim who they were. We paid for our daughter's unit, for her credit cards, her rent...and then, we decided to take some action, to create some change. When we decide to stop paying, we are deciding so much more than just to reclaim our own lives.</p><p>We are giving up that part of us that never gives up on our kids. It has to do with protecting them, with saving their lives for them to reclaim...and with letting that dream go.</p><p></p><p>For us, it felt like a willingly undertaken betrayal. A betrayal of ourselves, more than of our daughter. It was like she played no part in it. That storage unit had come to represent old ways of believing, for us. We had to face the truth that we no longer believed she was going to make it.</p><p></p><p>She was not coming back.</p><p></p><p>It was hard to let that belief that this was all temporary, that belief that difficult child had fallen but was going to be fine...it was so hard to face that, and to let it go.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry this is happening, Recovering. It is a crossroads. But you are making room for something new to happen. </p><p></p><p>It was time.</p><p></p><p>In a way, that storage unit may have represented to your daughter that she was choosing to behave as she has willingly. She may somehow have come to believe that she was just fine, that she was just exploring an alternate way of life, and could come back to herself any time she wanted to. Losing her things may be the best thing that could have happened. Now, she has nothing. She will be who she makes of herself, from this point.</p><p></p><p>But she will not have the things that she accumulated in another life to bolster her identity during the dark times.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry, Recovering. </p><p></p><p>But I think this needed to happen to your daughter.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, Recovering. Cherishing ourselves through impossibly hard times is the one way we can keep ourselves focused. During the worst of it, I would imagine looking behind me to see my own footsteps. And I would know then that as bad as it seemed, I was moving. </p><p></p><p>That I was present, and functioning, and that this too would pass.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Excellent point, Echo.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This almost made me cry. </p><p></p><p>I hadn't looked at it that way.</p><p></p><p>If we could have known what was coming, where would the strength have come from then, to survive it?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My grandmother made a wonderful difference in my life. Though there has been such tragedy in their lives Recovering, Lucy is right. Your grands have been blessed to have you and the rest of your remarkable family in their lives to nurture them through it, to model strength and resilience and acceptance. </p><p></p><p>And honor, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Honor and love and cherishing for the fallen ones.</p><p></p><p>There are too many families who would choose hatred, who would hold the fallen ones in contempt.</p><p></p><p>I love the strength I see in your family, and the simple decency.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That unit has represented secret things, painful things. Opening it, facing the pain and claiming and cherishing the treasures represents closure and allows new beginnings.</p><p></p><p>No more fear of the pain those memories would bring.</p><p></p><p>When it was finally opened, there was more love than pain, there.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I like it, too. I like it that you are not rationalizing or justifying or doing anything with the fact. It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>A thing that happened.</p><p></p><p>The end of the story of the storage unit and all it represented.</p><p></p><p>Now, there will be a different kind of story.</p><p></p><p>It is being written, already.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It's as COM posted to you, Recovering. It is a gift that we cannot know the future. But what we do know, what we are all learning here, is how to manage to live our lives beautifully, honestly, with honor, through whatever the future does bring us.</p><p></p><p>Holding a good thought for your daughter this morning, Recovering. She sounds so much like my own daughter. It isn't that they did not know better than to choose, time after time, as they did. There is something wild in my daughter. Something that wants that edginess, something that feels stifled when she is being "good". </p><p></p><p>It is as you told me, once. Each of us has our own fate, each of us is here for a reason. Maybe the blessing here for all of us is that everything that happens to us or to our kids presents, exactly and tailor-made, the challenges we need to develop into the people we are meant to be.</p><p></p><p>When I cannot understand anymore, that thought helps me accept what I cannot change.</p><p></p><p>You are so special to all of us, Recovering. I am sorry for your pain.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 626726, member: 17461"] This is perfect. The girls are together as sisters surrounded by the males in their families. They are learning a kind of strength, a way to see and respond to uncontrollable events in a positive and strengthening way. This is a wonderful story. After all the pain, all the denial and power plays, the girls have those things that are priceless, to them. This was handled so well, Recovering. I feel that way sometimes too, Recovering. Part of it is that we have run the gamut of feelings for so long. Storage units represent our children's capacities to reclaim their lives, to reclaim who they were. We paid for our daughter's unit, for her credit cards, her rent...and then, we decided to take some action, to create some change. When we decide to stop paying, we are deciding so much more than just to reclaim our own lives. We are giving up that part of us that never gives up on our kids. It has to do with protecting them, with saving their lives for them to reclaim...and with letting that dream go. For us, it felt like a willingly undertaken betrayal. A betrayal of ourselves, more than of our daughter. It was like she played no part in it. That storage unit had come to represent old ways of believing, for us. We had to face the truth that we no longer believed she was going to make it. She was not coming back. It was hard to let that belief that this was all temporary, that belief that difficult child had fallen but was going to be fine...it was so hard to face that, and to let it go. I'm so sorry this is happening, Recovering. It is a crossroads. But you are making room for something new to happen. It was time. In a way, that storage unit may have represented to your daughter that she was choosing to behave as she has willingly. She may somehow have come to believe that she was just fine, that she was just exploring an alternate way of life, and could come back to herself any time she wanted to. Losing her things may be the best thing that could have happened. Now, she has nothing. She will be who she makes of herself, from this point. But she will not have the things that she accumulated in another life to bolster her identity during the dark times. I'm so sorry, Recovering. But I think this needed to happen to your daughter. Yes, Recovering. Cherishing ourselves through impossibly hard times is the one way we can keep ourselves focused. During the worst of it, I would imagine looking behind me to see my own footsteps. And I would know then that as bad as it seemed, I was moving. That I was present, and functioning, and that this too would pass. Excellent point, Echo. This almost made me cry. I hadn't looked at it that way. If we could have known what was coming, where would the strength have come from then, to survive it? My grandmother made a wonderful difference in my life. Though there has been such tragedy in their lives Recovering, Lucy is right. Your grands have been blessed to have you and the rest of your remarkable family in their lives to nurture them through it, to model strength and resilience and acceptance. And honor, Recovering. Honor and love and cherishing for the fallen ones. There are too many families who would choose hatred, who would hold the fallen ones in contempt. I love the strength I see in your family, and the simple decency. That unit has represented secret things, painful things. Opening it, facing the pain and claiming and cherishing the treasures represents closure and allows new beginnings. No more fear of the pain those memories would bring. When it was finally opened, there was more love than pain, there. I like it, too. I like it that you are not rationalizing or justifying or doing anything with the fact. It is what it is. A thing that happened. The end of the story of the storage unit and all it represented. Now, there will be a different kind of story. It is being written, already. It's as COM posted to you, Recovering. It is a gift that we cannot know the future. But what we do know, what we are all learning here, is how to manage to live our lives beautifully, honestly, with honor, through whatever the future does bring us. Holding a good thought for your daughter this morning, Recovering. She sounds so much like my own daughter. It isn't that they did not know better than to choose, time after time, as they did. There is something wild in my daughter. Something that wants that edginess, something that feels stifled when she is being "good". It is as you told me, once. Each of us has our own fate, each of us is here for a reason. Maybe the blessing here for all of us is that everything that happens to us or to our kids presents, exactly and tailor-made, the challenges we need to develop into the people we are meant to be. When I cannot understand anymore, that thought helps me accept what I cannot change. You are so special to all of us, Recovering. I am sorry for your pain. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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