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The Watercooler
What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 642223" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I spent many years presuming it was all ME. I think that's a normal response for children of mentally ill people to have, or really, dysfunctional parents, parents who cannot be present for their children and offer them love and safety, no matter what the label is. And yes, it was VERY hard to first see the truth and then even harder to let go of what I wanted, the way I wanted to see it and ultimately the person themselves. I found it to be a futile experience where there is no healthy outcome. Once you recognize that the situation is not going to change and you have absolutely no responsibility or control, AND you give up self blame and the endless pondering of how it got this way or what could I have done, or is it me.........then all bets are off, it's time to exit stage left. </p><p></p><p>I've been at this a very long time, it was clearly a process of letting go......detaching and accepting of what is. Each step of the way was wrought with grief.........and yet, once the grief goes through you, once it's expressed, the level of liberation and freedom, as well as a new found self respect grows enormously. I think the self respect is the single most important thing. For now I can trust myself, I can trust myself to make good choices to protect myself, to love myself enough to keep myself out of places where I am harmed, NO MATTER WHAT. There are no circumstances where it is okay to be abused. NONE.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 642223, member: 13542"] I spent many years presuming it was all ME. I think that's a normal response for children of mentally ill people to have, or really, dysfunctional parents, parents who cannot be present for their children and offer them love and safety, no matter what the label is. And yes, it was VERY hard to first see the truth and then even harder to let go of what I wanted, the way I wanted to see it and ultimately the person themselves. I found it to be a futile experience where there is no healthy outcome. Once you recognize that the situation is not going to change and you have absolutely no responsibility or control, AND you give up self blame and the endless pondering of how it got this way or what could I have done, or is it me.........then all bets are off, it's time to exit stage left. I've been at this a very long time, it was clearly a process of letting go......detaching and accepting of what is. Each step of the way was wrought with grief.........and yet, once the grief goes through you, once it's expressed, the level of liberation and freedom, as well as a new found self respect grows enormously. I think the self respect is the single most important thing. For now I can trust myself, I can trust myself to make good choices to protect myself, to love myself enough to keep myself out of places where I am harmed, NO MATTER WHAT. There are no circumstances where it is okay to be abused. NONE. [/QUOTE]
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What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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