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What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 642431" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>She may be trying to not bring her mother alive for <em>her. </em>It's hard to know the reason why.</p><p></p><p>Nomad - About 10 years ago I had heard that my father was ill with a second arterial blockage. He'd had quadruple by-pass about 15 years before that but do you think he'd quit drinking or eating anything he wanted any time he wanted? Anyway, I sent him a "Get Well" card that just said "I'm sorry to hear that you are ill. I hope you will be better soon." I got this three page letter back from him explaining every little ache and pain and sign of old age - and lifetime of self abuse - that was wrong with him. He didn't say "Thank you for your concern", and he didn't ask how I was or mention anything that I know he knew we were going through at the time. If he <em>had</em> I probably would have made an effort to reconnect, but it was so bizarre I didn't even know what to say. "Poor me, poor poor pitiful me. Look at how brave I am in the face of a terrible life."</p><p></p><p>He never understood that all children are born as empty vessels only knowing their own needs, and as parents we are supposed to fill them with love and care the way he did his beloved vegetable garden. Instead he filled us with guilt for existing. Yes, he worked hard - sometimes 2 - 3 jobs to send us to private school where the message was guilt. We never saw him except at Mass where the message was more guilt, or at bedtime where he was yelling at us to go to bed and shut up. Yes, "the perfect one" saw a different man, because she was perfect. She also lied to him about every facet of her adult life to garner his favor.</p><p></p><p>There are good things about myself I never knew and <em>lies </em>about myself that I believed all of my life that I am only just now seeing and I'll be 54 in a few weeks. It's a real calm. I guess three years away plus a death is about the length of time it takes to begin to notice a change for the better. I don't feel "at home" here yet, but I don't feel "totally at odds", either.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 642431, member: 99"] She may be trying to not bring her mother alive for [I]her. [/I]It's hard to know the reason why. Nomad - About 10 years ago I had heard that my father was ill with a second arterial blockage. He'd had quadruple by-pass about 15 years before that but do you think he'd quit drinking or eating anything he wanted any time he wanted? Anyway, I sent him a "Get Well" card that just said "I'm sorry to hear that you are ill. I hope you will be better soon." I got this three page letter back from him explaining every little ache and pain and sign of old age - and lifetime of self abuse - that was wrong with him. He didn't say "Thank you for your concern", and he didn't ask how I was or mention anything that I know he knew we were going through at the time. If he [I]had[/I] I probably would have made an effort to reconnect, but it was so bizarre I didn't even know what to say. "Poor me, poor poor pitiful me. Look at how brave I am in the face of a terrible life." He never understood that all children are born as empty vessels only knowing their own needs, and as parents we are supposed to fill them with love and care the way he did his beloved vegetable garden. Instead he filled us with guilt for existing. Yes, he worked hard - sometimes 2 - 3 jobs to send us to private school where the message was guilt. We never saw him except at Mass where the message was more guilt, or at bedtime where he was yelling at us to go to bed and shut up. Yes, "the perfect one" saw a different man, because she was perfect. She also lied to him about every facet of her adult life to garner his favor. There are good things about myself I never knew and [I]lies [/I]about myself that I believed all of my life that I am only just now seeing and I'll be 54 in a few weeks. It's a real calm. I guess three years away plus a death is about the length of time it takes to begin to notice a change for the better. I don't feel "at home" here yet, but I don't feel "totally at odds", either. [/QUOTE]
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What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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