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The Watercooler
What a surprise. Father actually did not call.
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<blockquote data-quote="DazedandConfused" data-source="post: 642462" data-attributes="member: 831"><p>It’s been a very long time since I’ve been on CD. Especially, the Watercooler forum. Although I would never wish the type of father that was bestowed on me, like our difficult child connection, I find it comforting that I am not alone in my survival of such heartbreaking toxicity.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I’ve shared this before, my dad was a sociopath. He died in 2004 and I didn’t speak to him for 5 years prior to his death. I just couldn’t interact with him anyone. The final straws being that he broke a promise (that final broken promise out of thousands of broken promises) of some family pictures that were suppose to go me and instead gave them to my sister. When I found out, that was it. Done. I didn’t call or make a scene. I just never made contact with him again and he never contacted me again. Whether my sister informed him of my outrage is unknown to me. I didn’t ask. I didn’t care. Goodbye.</p><p></p><p></p><p>To her credit, after scanning all the pictures, my sister did pass them on to me.</p><p></p><p></p><p>If anything, I wish I had figured out he was a sociopath prior to his death. It’s only been a few years. I would have saved me at least a little bit of heartache, though not much. I doubt I would have believed it prior to his death. He could ACT so loving and concern. Now, I know, of course, it was ALL an act. What he put his family (my mother and us three kids) through. I just shake my head now.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course, my mother, married off to him at 14, had no idea what she was getting into. Her father dead, her mother ill with schizophrenia. My father,19, very handsome, and charming. They were married 22 disastrous years. Until I was 35 or so, I chased my father’s “love”. A love of which he was incapable. He cunningly took advantage of it. He was cruel, violent, and stole. He was able to deflect and make it everyone else’s fault. He could twist words like no one else I’ve encountered before and hope to never encounter again. I would sometimes just want to slam my head against the wall until I was unconscious because I would feel insane after a heated exchange with him.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Such a brilliant man in many ways. Had career and monetary success by his mid-twenties, only to throw it all away in an impulsive rage for being passed over for a promotion he believed should have been his. A typical sociopathic reaction. Built several successful businesses only to destroy them through his addictive and narcissistic antics. He alienated his “decent” siblings, and because of this, I have no relationship with them. They cannot separate him from me. So, I have little, if any, extended family contact because of him.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I think about how he has an impact on my life now. It’s hard to say, especially after having difficult children. I sometimes feel like I got sandwiched by him and my difficult children. My childhood and early adulthood was him, and later my difficult children. Now, I just want peace. My difficult children aren’t quite ready to give it to me yet. I do know that I have razor wire wrapped protectively around my heart. I don’t allow many in. husband and that’s about it. I have no close friends, I don’t need the condemnation or the pity. Unfortunately, it has impacted how I parent. Which is, I’m not as loving as I would like because most of the time I feel so frustrated and fearful when it comes to both of my children. Frustrated because of their choices and fearful for what those choices may mean for them and for ME.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I do see now that my children really didn’t stand a chance when it came to our combined DNA. Both husband and I have a plethora of depression, mental illness, alcoholism, and addiction in our pedigrees. It would have been a miracle if they hadn’t been touched by it.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Back to my parents, I am fortunate that I have a warm relationship with my mother. We did have our trials, but she’s a good person that was put in a very difficult situation. She did divorce my dad and remarried, but by then I was an adult.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks for this thread.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Warm holiday wishes to all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DazedandConfused, post: 642462, member: 831"] It’s been a very long time since I’ve been on CD. Especially, the Watercooler forum. Although I would never wish the type of father that was bestowed on me, like our difficult child connection, I find it comforting that I am not alone in my survival of such heartbreaking toxicity. I’ve shared this before, my dad was a sociopath. He died in 2004 and I didn’t speak to him for 5 years prior to his death. I just couldn’t interact with him anyone. The final straws being that he broke a promise (that final broken promise out of thousands of broken promises) of some family pictures that were suppose to go me and instead gave them to my sister. When I found out, that was it. Done. I didn’t call or make a scene. I just never made contact with him again and he never contacted me again. Whether my sister informed him of my outrage is unknown to me. I didn’t ask. I didn’t care. Goodbye. To her credit, after scanning all the pictures, my sister did pass them on to me. If anything, I wish I had figured out he was a sociopath prior to his death. It’s only been a few years. I would have saved me at least a little bit of heartache, though not much. I doubt I would have believed it prior to his death. He could ACT so loving and concern. Now, I know, of course, it was ALL an act. What he put his family (my mother and us three kids) through. I just shake my head now. Of course, my mother, married off to him at 14, had no idea what she was getting into. Her father dead, her mother ill with schizophrenia. My father,19, very handsome, and charming. They were married 22 disastrous years. Until I was 35 or so, I chased my father’s “love”. A love of which he was incapable. He cunningly took advantage of it. He was cruel, violent, and stole. He was able to deflect and make it everyone else’s fault. He could twist words like no one else I’ve encountered before and hope to never encounter again. I would sometimes just want to slam my head against the wall until I was unconscious because I would feel insane after a heated exchange with him. Such a brilliant man in many ways. Had career and monetary success by his mid-twenties, only to throw it all away in an impulsive rage for being passed over for a promotion he believed should have been his. A typical sociopathic reaction. Built several successful businesses only to destroy them through his addictive and narcissistic antics. He alienated his “decent” siblings, and because of this, I have no relationship with them. They cannot separate him from me. So, I have little, if any, extended family contact because of him. I think about how he has an impact on my life now. It’s hard to say, especially after having difficult children. I sometimes feel like I got sandwiched by him and my difficult children. My childhood and early adulthood was him, and later my difficult children. Now, I just want peace. My difficult children aren’t quite ready to give it to me yet. I do know that I have razor wire wrapped protectively around my heart. I don’t allow many in. husband and that’s about it. I have no close friends, I don’t need the condemnation or the pity. Unfortunately, it has impacted how I parent. Which is, I’m not as loving as I would like because most of the time I feel so frustrated and fearful when it comes to both of my children. Frustrated because of their choices and fearful for what those choices may mean for them and for ME. I do see now that my children really didn’t stand a chance when it came to our combined DNA. Both husband and I have a plethora of depression, mental illness, alcoholism, and addiction in our pedigrees. It would have been a miracle if they hadn’t been touched by it. Back to my parents, I am fortunate that I have a warm relationship with my mother. We did have our trials, but she’s a good person that was put in a very difficult situation. She did divorce my dad and remarried, but by then I was an adult. Thanks for this thread. Warm holiday wishes to all. [/QUOTE]
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