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What About Mom's Feelings...?
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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 232988" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>DaisyFace: I am sorry I had to log off and COPE with the now....What I want to share with you about is that what "they" say is about them. Eventually in time it has been amazing to me where people I thought were critical of me in some way </p><p>came to reflect a very differant opinion than what I 'felt' from them. </p><p></p><p> I do feel it is important that when we are feeling something to get what it is we are 'feeling' as need. Mostly for me I need SO MUCH and what I am coping with is much less than that. At some point I have to decide not to wear myself out with thinking about 'it'...whatever it is. I do things that feel like I am satisfying my needs. One of my biggest is my creative urge. This week I found some white cotton sheets and I stitched a cover for this former sleeping bag that I use as a blanket when it SOO COLd. The sheets cost $2. Then my siccors were just so out of wack I had to buy new ones...$2.99 plus tax. Laid out together the sheets LOOKED like it was going to be GREAT but after I hand stitiched and then turned it and then top stitched pulling the edges up inch at a time with my needle. When I put the slimmy bag inside...oh noo the color showed through the single layers. I was crushed. My son pointed out that it didn't matter it was the slimey feel I was trying to improve....and after I put it under the spread it was fine. Befor it acted like a repelant of covers. And people. It was like anti-comfort.</p><p> Here is what I think. When someone says things that are hurtful I can deflect by sharing my opion. For example a niit wit who happened to have me in her clutches for a couple weeks described her thooughts by saying she felt that what I was doing "was cruel". I said "I can see how you might come to that conclusion. I see the matter differantly than you." I do not care one way or another what she thinks about. I know she is living in her own head. And I do not have to know one way or another what she is thinking. What impresses me is that I am defending myself IN MY HEAD. (What? I am not cruel...!and if pressed I CAN</p><p>back up MY choices..) What I do know is that having other competative women who want to be put down artists at my expense are not what I want around me or in my life. And you can be a relative or some one who appears to be a perminant fixture in my world and this is what is true....I can find an alternative.</p><p>Especially when it involves my family. I will not tolerate people who are deminishing me in anyway around my family. Toxicifying my world? No...ugh ugh.</p><p> TEachers can be generalizers...and they will leap behind the sheer volume of their classrooms . They took the job. They streatch to meet the needs they come to the profession to provide. In fact it is the challenges that come into a classroom that gives the educator the motivation to dig into their </p><p>skills and do what it is they have trained to do. And as a parental authority over the care of our children we bring expert knowledge and it behooves US to learn what all we can to present the teachers with the insights that we bring to the discussion.</p><p> Chances are if you take the time to say to someone who says something that feels bad to you to hear what will come out is not what you were thinking anyway. </p><p> Yet if there is something that another sees that you are doing that may not serve your family I suggest that you take time to get clear what they see.</p><p>It is very hard to understand what someone may have to offer if what they are saying is "you are bad and wrong". If you can tease out what they want you to know..."ie. what works for me is:.... or when my freind had a similar situation what she did was..." you know...is it news you can use?</p><p> Here is another practical idea...restate what is said to confirm you heard correctly...." Did you just say you think my children behave that way because of how I parent? Interesting. What do you suggest?" ( I hope you will buy my book:</p><p>my techniques for teaching kids to pick their noses and play with food.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 232988, member: 6271"] DaisyFace: I am sorry I had to log off and COPE with the now....What I want to share with you about is that what "they" say is about them. Eventually in time it has been amazing to me where people I thought were critical of me in some way came to reflect a very differant opinion than what I 'felt' from them. I do feel it is important that when we are feeling something to get what it is we are 'feeling' as need. Mostly for me I need SO MUCH and what I am coping with is much less than that. At some point I have to decide not to wear myself out with thinking about 'it'...whatever it is. I do things that feel like I am satisfying my needs. One of my biggest is my creative urge. This week I found some white cotton sheets and I stitched a cover for this former sleeping bag that I use as a blanket when it SOO COLd. The sheets cost $2. Then my siccors were just so out of wack I had to buy new ones...$2.99 plus tax. Laid out together the sheets LOOKED like it was going to be GREAT but after I hand stitiched and then turned it and then top stitched pulling the edges up inch at a time with my needle. When I put the slimmy bag inside...oh noo the color showed through the single layers. I was crushed. My son pointed out that it didn't matter it was the slimey feel I was trying to improve....and after I put it under the spread it was fine. Befor it acted like a repelant of covers. And people. It was like anti-comfort. Here is what I think. When someone says things that are hurtful I can deflect by sharing my opion. For example a niit wit who happened to have me in her clutches for a couple weeks described her thooughts by saying she felt that what I was doing "was cruel". I said "I can see how you might come to that conclusion. I see the matter differantly than you." I do not care one way or another what she thinks about. I know she is living in her own head. And I do not have to know one way or another what she is thinking. What impresses me is that I am defending myself IN MY HEAD. (What? I am not cruel...!and if pressed I CAN back up MY choices..) What I do know is that having other competative women who want to be put down artists at my expense are not what I want around me or in my life. And you can be a relative or some one who appears to be a perminant fixture in my world and this is what is true....I can find an alternative. Especially when it involves my family. I will not tolerate people who are deminishing me in anyway around my family. Toxicifying my world? No...ugh ugh. TEachers can be generalizers...and they will leap behind the sheer volume of their classrooms . They took the job. They streatch to meet the needs they come to the profession to provide. In fact it is the challenges that come into a classroom that gives the educator the motivation to dig into their skills and do what it is they have trained to do. And as a parental authority over the care of our children we bring expert knowledge and it behooves US to learn what all we can to present the teachers with the insights that we bring to the discussion. Chances are if you take the time to say to someone who says something that feels bad to you to hear what will come out is not what you were thinking anyway. Yet if there is something that another sees that you are doing that may not serve your family I suggest that you take time to get clear what they see. It is very hard to understand what someone may have to offer if what they are saying is "you are bad and wrong". If you can tease out what they want you to know..."ie. what works for me is:.... or when my freind had a similar situation what she did was..." you know...is it news you can use? Here is another practical idea...restate what is said to confirm you heard correctly...." Did you just say you think my children behave that way because of how I parent? Interesting. What do you suggest?" ( I hope you will buy my book: my techniques for teaching kids to pick their noses and play with food.) [/QUOTE]
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