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What difficult children are like when they get old
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 153682" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Muttmeister, she sounds like a feisty old lady who at her age is entitled to a bit of respect. </p><p></p><p>And all respect to nurses who DO do their job, but unfortunately there are those who will make their own assumptions and do things like insist on diapers for elderly patients who COULD manage, rather than let them have some dignity. Fair enough if there really is a big problem, but not where it can be managed with dignity for the patient.</p><p></p><p>My mother went through a similar experience in her nursing home. She had had a brainstem stroke but with therapy could have recovered to be released home with care. But despite instructions given and a visiting physiotherapist, the nursing home refused to let her self-toilet. They wouldn't even walk with her as support; instead, she had her underwear permanently removed and for toileting they insisted on putting her into a hoist, garments round her waist, and wheeling her past other patients (including some males) to take her to the toilet. They also bathed her, including washing her hair, then without even towel-drying her hair they wheeled her out onto a windy balcony, with her wearing only a thin cotton nightie. My sister was there to visit with her and they kept my sister waiting for two hours while they bathed her. Within a week my mother had pneumonia. The nursing home staff insisted she was fine, but my sister knew her history and called the ambulance. At the hospital they gave my mother the choice to fight the pneumonia or let it take her. She chose to fight, but when a few days later she was told that the lack of exercise and therapy at the nursing home meant she would have to go back there, she refused all medication so she could die where she was. Her choice.</p><p></p><p>After she died I tried to take action over it, but the nursing home claimed that nobody had ever visited her so how would we know? This was their policy - to discourage visitors to such an extent that people WOULDN'T know. My sister by this stage was too exhausted by the insistence that she was making it all up, and so we had to drop it. But I had said enough in high enough places, and that nursing home got a few surprise audits which resulted in them having to lift their game.</p><p></p><p>My mother's aunt - found a breast lump when she was 80 but didn't tell her doctor. She figured (rightly) it was breast cancer, but thought she would die before it became a problem. When she was 99, something had to be done, it had grown and broken through the skin. So they did a simple mastectomy. It was the first time in her life she had ever had to spend a night in hospital. Three days later she was home in her apartment. A few months later we held a big party for her 100th birthday.</p><p>When she was 101, she fell and broke her pelvis. She was in hospital again for a few days, then in a nursing home. For a week only. She discharged herself and went home to her apartment, where she immediately began her daily walks to the shops and back.</p><p>About ten months later she was back in hospital to sort out her medication. Something went wrong about this time and they couldn't get her heart rhythm sorted out. She finally told them to leave her, to stop trying to fiddle with it, it was her time. Some years earlier she had said to me, "I've had a really good life, I've done a lot of things I've been proud of and I've seen a lot of change. But I don't want to live forever. One day my heart will just stop and I'll be so pleased."</p><p></p><p>And as for hospital staff who refuse to give medication that's been ordered - that happened to me after I had difficult child 3. Because of my auto-immune neurological problem which resembles MS, I've been on very strong painkillers for years. While pregnant, the unborn baby's immune system actually damped down the auto-immune attack and so my pain levels were much better. I had stopped all pain medications so I could better manage during labour.</p><p>But after he was born I immediately lost that protection. My specialist knew this would happen and had ordered my pain regime plus muscle relaxants. After the first couple of days the nurses started to get slack about bringing the pain medications when requested - a nurse would go off duty, for example, without telling anyone. Or they would forget. or be too busy. I complained to m,y doctor who spoke to the nurses in front of me, to make sure I knew they had been told. He also showed me where he had ordered the medications on my chart.</p><p>I was told, "You shouldn't be needing pain medications now," so I showed them the chart and pointed out that my underlying condition meant that I lived on pain medications every day of my life, this wasn't post-partum.</p><p>Then they told me they'd lost the key to the drugs cupboard. At that point I said, "Then isn't it a good thing my husband brought in my pain medications from home?"</p><p>"You're supposed to hand those over to us," they exclaimed.</p><p>"Where are you going to put them?" I asked. "You've lost the key to the drugs cupboard."</p><p>We compromised. I took my medications from my supply when I felt I needed them (and did much better as a result) and I told them so they could write it on my chart.</p><p></p><p>Those nurses were trying to do their job, but also interfering with the doctor's job. If they thought the doctor was prescribing pain medications inappropriately to a junkie, they had recourse they could have followed. I would have happily cooperated with an investigation. I even gave them the contact details of my pain specialist, but no, they knew better.</p><p></p><p>As I said in the beginning - a lot of nurses do a great job and it's not an easy profession. But some make it really bad for everybody.</p><p></p><p>My liver biopsy I had a few months ago - the nurses that day were absolutely wonderful. Caring, solicitous, but not hovering. Sensible. They did their job well and I told them so as I left. </p><p></p><p>But as I get older, I'm finding I no longer suffer fools gladly. My tolerance is dropping. I guess I'm turning into a difficult child!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 153682, member: 1991"] Muttmeister, she sounds like a feisty old lady who at her age is entitled to a bit of respect. And all respect to nurses who DO do their job, but unfortunately there are those who will make their own assumptions and do things like insist on diapers for elderly patients who COULD manage, rather than let them have some dignity. Fair enough if there really is a big problem, but not where it can be managed with dignity for the patient. My mother went through a similar experience in her nursing home. She had had a brainstem stroke but with therapy could have recovered to be released home with care. But despite instructions given and a visiting physiotherapist, the nursing home refused to let her self-toilet. They wouldn't even walk with her as support; instead, she had her underwear permanently removed and for toileting they insisted on putting her into a hoist, garments round her waist, and wheeling her past other patients (including some males) to take her to the toilet. They also bathed her, including washing her hair, then without even towel-drying her hair they wheeled her out onto a windy balcony, with her wearing only a thin cotton nightie. My sister was there to visit with her and they kept my sister waiting for two hours while they bathed her. Within a week my mother had pneumonia. The nursing home staff insisted she was fine, but my sister knew her history and called the ambulance. At the hospital they gave my mother the choice to fight the pneumonia or let it take her. She chose to fight, but when a few days later she was told that the lack of exercise and therapy at the nursing home meant she would have to go back there, she refused all medication so she could die where she was. Her choice. After she died I tried to take action over it, but the nursing home claimed that nobody had ever visited her so how would we know? This was their policy - to discourage visitors to such an extent that people WOULDN'T know. My sister by this stage was too exhausted by the insistence that she was making it all up, and so we had to drop it. But I had said enough in high enough places, and that nursing home got a few surprise audits which resulted in them having to lift their game. My mother's aunt - found a breast lump when she was 80 but didn't tell her doctor. She figured (rightly) it was breast cancer, but thought she would die before it became a problem. When she was 99, something had to be done, it had grown and broken through the skin. So they did a simple mastectomy. It was the first time in her life she had ever had to spend a night in hospital. Three days later she was home in her apartment. A few months later we held a big party for her 100th birthday. When she was 101, she fell and broke her pelvis. She was in hospital again for a few days, then in a nursing home. For a week only. She discharged herself and went home to her apartment, where she immediately began her daily walks to the shops and back. About ten months later she was back in hospital to sort out her medication. Something went wrong about this time and they couldn't get her heart rhythm sorted out. She finally told them to leave her, to stop trying to fiddle with it, it was her time. Some years earlier she had said to me, "I've had a really good life, I've done a lot of things I've been proud of and I've seen a lot of change. But I don't want to live forever. One day my heart will just stop and I'll be so pleased." And as for hospital staff who refuse to give medication that's been ordered - that happened to me after I had difficult child 3. Because of my auto-immune neurological problem which resembles MS, I've been on very strong painkillers for years. While pregnant, the unborn baby's immune system actually damped down the auto-immune attack and so my pain levels were much better. I had stopped all pain medications so I could better manage during labour. But after he was born I immediately lost that protection. My specialist knew this would happen and had ordered my pain regime plus muscle relaxants. After the first couple of days the nurses started to get slack about bringing the pain medications when requested - a nurse would go off duty, for example, without telling anyone. Or they would forget. or be too busy. I complained to m,y doctor who spoke to the nurses in front of me, to make sure I knew they had been told. He also showed me where he had ordered the medications on my chart. I was told, "You shouldn't be needing pain medications now," so I showed them the chart and pointed out that my underlying condition meant that I lived on pain medications every day of my life, this wasn't post-partum. Then they told me they'd lost the key to the drugs cupboard. At that point I said, "Then isn't it a good thing my husband brought in my pain medications from home?" "You're supposed to hand those over to us," they exclaimed. "Where are you going to put them?" I asked. "You've lost the key to the drugs cupboard." We compromised. I took my medications from my supply when I felt I needed them (and did much better as a result) and I told them so they could write it on my chart. Those nurses were trying to do their job, but also interfering with the doctor's job. If they thought the doctor was prescribing pain medications inappropriately to a junkie, they had recourse they could have followed. I would have happily cooperated with an investigation. I even gave them the contact details of my pain specialist, but no, they knew better. As I said in the beginning - a lot of nurses do a great job and it's not an easy profession. But some make it really bad for everybody. My liver biopsy I had a few months ago - the nurses that day were absolutely wonderful. Caring, solicitous, but not hovering. Sensible. They did their job well and I told them so as I left. But as I get older, I'm finding I no longer suffer fools gladly. My tolerance is dropping. I guess I'm turning into a difficult child! Marg [/QUOTE]
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