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What distance is safe?!
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 622573" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>It's not you Albatross, try not to think like that. It's your son. </p><p></p><p>This sounds just like my son. He is 'up' one week and 'down' the next. He goes from one intense plan to another and, as soon as things don't go his way, he's off again. For years he's phoned me and poured his angst down the phone and I've worried sick about him for days and then heard from him and he's bouncing with some new idea and life's great, while meanwhile I've been in a state since the first phone call. Or he phones and everything's fantastic, he's got great plans and great mates and he's going to save the world and then the next week he hates everyone and he's going to take off to Europe and live in the forest there because there's too much bureaucracy here and everyone's out to stop him living how he wants to live (homeless, not working, squatting in a derelict farmhouse, living on scavenged free food). </p><p></p><p>It is only very recently that I have been able to break out of this cycle, thanks to the ideas on this site. Our sons sound similar. I have started to accept mine for the way he is. I love him, but he is a separate entity from me. His plans and moods and highs and lows are nothing to do with me or what I do. Now I listen and do not judge, but I take everything 'with a pinch of salt'. I know that his life is like a butterfly's, flitting from one plan and one obsession to another. Nothing I say or do has any influence over that. When I think about things rationally, I know that I have years of experience that prove to me that this is true. </p><p></p><p>Just continue to love him and to spend quality time with him whenever that is possible, even it is very rare. But try and get him out of your head. As mothers I think we are programmed to feel guilt, anguish and many other emotions about our sons, and truth and logic fly out of the window. </p><p></p><p>Thinking that you are the black curse of death is no different from thinking that you can cure all his problems and make everything right. Neither is true. Look after yourself and let him look after himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 622573, member: 17650"] It's not you Albatross, try not to think like that. It's your son. This sounds just like my son. He is 'up' one week and 'down' the next. He goes from one intense plan to another and, as soon as things don't go his way, he's off again. For years he's phoned me and poured his angst down the phone and I've worried sick about him for days and then heard from him and he's bouncing with some new idea and life's great, while meanwhile I've been in a state since the first phone call. Or he phones and everything's fantastic, he's got great plans and great mates and he's going to save the world and then the next week he hates everyone and he's going to take off to Europe and live in the forest there because there's too much bureaucracy here and everyone's out to stop him living how he wants to live (homeless, not working, squatting in a derelict farmhouse, living on scavenged free food). It is only very recently that I have been able to break out of this cycle, thanks to the ideas on this site. Our sons sound similar. I have started to accept mine for the way he is. I love him, but he is a separate entity from me. His plans and moods and highs and lows are nothing to do with me or what I do. Now I listen and do not judge, but I take everything 'with a pinch of salt'. I know that his life is like a butterfly's, flitting from one plan and one obsession to another. Nothing I say or do has any influence over that. When I think about things rationally, I know that I have years of experience that prove to me that this is true. Just continue to love him and to spend quality time with him whenever that is possible, even it is very rare. But try and get him out of your head. As mothers I think we are programmed to feel guilt, anguish and many other emotions about our sons, and truth and logic fly out of the window. Thinking that you are the black curse of death is no different from thinking that you can cure all his problems and make everything right. Neither is true. Look after yourself and let him look after himself. [/QUOTE]
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