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What distance is safe?!
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 622582" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Wow, as always ladies, thank you for your wisdom. Echo, I cried when I read that about the gloves. That is such a perfect metaphor for what life is like for our difficult children. How very sad for you. </p><p></p><p>I see that part of this is disappointment because I had some (unreasonable) expectations when the hike went well. We detached! We didn't tell you what to do! We worked really hard to do this! WE have changed, why haven't YOU? Ugh.</p><p></p><p>I *know* in my head that I am not responsible for this latest development, but when I haven't laid eyes on difficult child since Christmas and haven't had any direct contact except for the last 4 days, and then he bails out, well...but I can also point to plenty of times when I had NO contact with difficult child and he bailed. These life-altering decisions seem to be conjured out of thin air for him. Lucy, my difficult child sounds a WHOLE lot like your son. </p><p></p><p>It wouldn't surprise me to find out that he is catastrophizing this quite a bit, that the truth is he needs to see about a waiver, or that his boss just didn't need him today. And it wouldn't be the first time he's told me he left rehab and left me frantic with worry, only to find out a week later that he was still there. Now that I think about it, he did NOT tell us when he DID leave. We heard about it from a 3rd party, long after he was gone.</p><p></p><p>In typing this, I can feel myself moving more into anger than sadness. </p><p></p><p>But Cedar, you are right, it is a hellish place for him to be. I am reminded of my brother, who committed suicide and left the note for me. Several times in his note, he described himself as "a self-destructive basket case, a loser at life." Those exact words, several times. I thought somewhere along the line, someone he valued must have said that very phrase to him. I don't remember it, but he was quite a bit older than me and we were not very close. But clearly it stuck with him. </p><p></p><p>No matter what, I can at least show difficult child that he is worthy of a little faith.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 622582, member: 17720"] Wow, as always ladies, thank you for your wisdom. Echo, I cried when I read that about the gloves. That is such a perfect metaphor for what life is like for our difficult children. How very sad for you. I see that part of this is disappointment because I had some (unreasonable) expectations when the hike went well. We detached! We didn't tell you what to do! We worked really hard to do this! WE have changed, why haven't YOU? Ugh. I *know* in my head that I am not responsible for this latest development, but when I haven't laid eyes on difficult child since Christmas and haven't had any direct contact except for the last 4 days, and then he bails out, well...but I can also point to plenty of times when I had NO contact with difficult child and he bailed. These life-altering decisions seem to be conjured out of thin air for him. Lucy, my difficult child sounds a WHOLE lot like your son. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that he is catastrophizing this quite a bit, that the truth is he needs to see about a waiver, or that his boss just didn't need him today. And it wouldn't be the first time he's told me he left rehab and left me frantic with worry, only to find out a week later that he was still there. Now that I think about it, he did NOT tell us when he DID leave. We heard about it from a 3rd party, long after he was gone. In typing this, I can feel myself moving more into anger than sadness. But Cedar, you are right, it is a hellish place for him to be. I am reminded of my brother, who committed suicide and left the note for me. Several times in his note, he described himself as "a self-destructive basket case, a loser at life." Those exact words, several times. I thought somewhere along the line, someone he valued must have said that very phrase to him. I don't remember it, but he was quite a bit older than me and we were not very close. But clearly it stuck with him. No matter what, I can at least show difficult child that he is worthy of a little faith. [/QUOTE]
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