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What do I do now? Son problems!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 585359" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>My first thought upon reading your post is to tell you not to be home when he comes by to pick up his dress clothes, put them in a box on the front porch and go out. Seeing him at this early stage where he will pull out all the stops to get you to change your mind is going to be hard on you. Make it easy, you don't need to be there when he comes, or just put them outside and don't come to the door. And, at your al anon meeting, you don't need to talk, just listen, you'll likely hear your story come out of someone else's mouth, you are not alone, and you will feel supported there. If for some reason that particular group doesn't resonate with you, find another one. You'll need support to get through the process of detachment, it's very difficult to do because it goes against our natural instincts to nurture, protect, support and love. But, in the big picture, if you take care of him when he is using, entitled, disrespectful, lazy, not adhering to your boundaries, etc. then you are enabling him and actually robbing him of the ability to take care of himself. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes our kids have a failure to launch and they need a push to get out there and fly on their own. It's hard on us to do that, regardless of the circumstances, and often we need support. So I encourage you to get as much support as you can. A good book is Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. You can order it on Amazon. Find groups, a therapist if that works for you, read books, keep posting, you'll need to stay strong so you don't cave when he begins manipulating you again. He knows all the ways to get you to do what he wants, our kids are extremely tenacious and very self serving, so be warned and take care of yourself. Ask yourself what it is that you are truly willing to do and what you are not and then make a plan and stick with it. Don't give in to him, you will both continue suffering. This is hard, get yourself some help. I wish you peace. (((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 585359, member: 13542"] My first thought upon reading your post is to tell you not to be home when he comes by to pick up his dress clothes, put them in a box on the front porch and go out. Seeing him at this early stage where he will pull out all the stops to get you to change your mind is going to be hard on you. Make it easy, you don't need to be there when he comes, or just put them outside and don't come to the door. And, at your al anon meeting, you don't need to talk, just listen, you'll likely hear your story come out of someone else's mouth, you are not alone, and you will feel supported there. If for some reason that particular group doesn't resonate with you, find another one. You'll need support to get through the process of detachment, it's very difficult to do because it goes against our natural instincts to nurture, protect, support and love. But, in the big picture, if you take care of him when he is using, entitled, disrespectful, lazy, not adhering to your boundaries, etc. then you are enabling him and actually robbing him of the ability to take care of himself. Sometimes our kids have a failure to launch and they need a push to get out there and fly on their own. It's hard on us to do that, regardless of the circumstances, and often we need support. So I encourage you to get as much support as you can. A good book is Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. You can order it on Amazon. Find groups, a therapist if that works for you, read books, keep posting, you'll need to stay strong so you don't cave when he begins manipulating you again. He knows all the ways to get you to do what he wants, our kids are extremely tenacious and very self serving, so be warned and take care of yourself. Ask yourself what it is that you are truly willing to do and what you are not and then make a plan and stick with it. Don't give in to him, you will both continue suffering. This is hard, get yourself some help. I wish you peace. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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