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What do I do now? Son problems!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 585660" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>It's a hard situation, but the reality is that you are doing a really good job. You've put one step in front of the other, made some different choices and managed to not give in to him. I hope your experience of the gym was a positive one, exercise is an excellent stress reducer and it also keeps your mind occupied. </p><p></p><p>You are doing what most of us have to do on this site when we are in the throes of learning how to detach, you cry, you hurt, but you are resigned to change a situation which has become intolerable for you. The only way to do that is to change the way you respond, you cannot change him. His note and his carrying on are manipulations to get you to cave in, it's worked for him before so of course, he will try all the same tactics. When they don't work, he will escalate those tactics. It takes time for both of you to change. He has to know you mean business. Once he recognizes that you will not give in, he will begin the process of figuring out other options. He may do some things you don't agree with, but they are his choice. </p><p></p><p>Your other kids will be home in 2 weeks, and hopefully they will support your detachment. In the meantime stay busy with things that you enjoy. Keep going to the gym, find a therapist, an acupuncturist, do yoga, take a walk, focus on YOU and what YOU want. That is a huge step for us mothers, change that focus you've had on him to YOU. </p><p></p><p>You should be proud of yourself for not giving in, you're doing a good job. And, the truth is it's hard and it hurts our hearts, but you know in your heart that this is the right thing to do. I wish you peace. (((HUGS))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 585660, member: 13542"] It's a hard situation, but the reality is that you are doing a really good job. You've put one step in front of the other, made some different choices and managed to not give in to him. I hope your experience of the gym was a positive one, exercise is an excellent stress reducer and it also keeps your mind occupied. You are doing what most of us have to do on this site when we are in the throes of learning how to detach, you cry, you hurt, but you are resigned to change a situation which has become intolerable for you. The only way to do that is to change the way you respond, you cannot change him. His note and his carrying on are manipulations to get you to cave in, it's worked for him before so of course, he will try all the same tactics. When they don't work, he will escalate those tactics. It takes time for both of you to change. He has to know you mean business. Once he recognizes that you will not give in, he will begin the process of figuring out other options. He may do some things you don't agree with, but they are his choice. Your other kids will be home in 2 weeks, and hopefully they will support your detachment. In the meantime stay busy with things that you enjoy. Keep going to the gym, find a therapist, an acupuncturist, do yoga, take a walk, focus on YOU and what YOU want. That is a huge step for us mothers, change that focus you've had on him to YOU. You should be proud of yourself for not giving in, you're doing a good job. And, the truth is it's hard and it hurts our hearts, but you know in your heart that this is the right thing to do. I wish you peace. (((HUGS)))) [/QUOTE]
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