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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 281817" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Everywoman, I'm sad to say that I disagree. Aspie like people have a fairly enlarged sense of self and are not really aware that they need to change. As difficult child said, many years ago."how I am is good enough". </p><p>I think getting a sense of who Y is and what she wants or needs may be a good way to start to help her. If she wants your help. </p><p>If her clothing style doesn't bother her or she thinks it's her personal signature then she isn't going to "hear" different ways of doing it. If she is aware that she sticks out, then you have a chance to offer suggestions. </p><p>She may have little drive or need to be part of a group of neurotypical people. </p><p></p><p>If she stays, you have to set a few, solid ground rules. </p><p>1) she has to get a job and she has to pay something(even if you save it for her for school)</p><p>2) she has to follow basic hygiene</p><p>3) she has to contribute to the household by doing x chores that will be listed. </p><p></p><p>Ask her what she thinks she needs or wants from you. If she is fairly articulate then she may tell you that she wants friends or to have a boyfriend or learn to wear make up.</p><p></p><p>At this point, she may want to contact the university so that she can visit and become acquainted with aspects of college life. There are services for those who struggle. I know easy child's school had a group for people with social anxiety. She may not be good with having a roommate. She may suffer anxiety. She may need help with organization and getting to classes since she was home schooled. All thses issues should be addressed by Y and her mother before school starts. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I sure would have a lot of questions for Y's mom. </p><p>How is she going to be supported with school?</p><p>Is she expected to work? </p><p>Is mom going to get Y set up with the different supports for Y at the university? When do they as a family plan to do that?</p><p>What does mom think you are going to do with this child all summer? What are the goals? </p><p>There should be a reason why she is staying away from her parents. I don't understand why she can't do this stuff in Oklahoma this summer then come out a week or two before school to visit. </p><p></p><p>I guess what I'm saying is that my experience with aspies is that they don't want you to "fix them" or help them be like Jana. You have to ask what they want or need and work that with what you want in your home. </p><p>If she wants a mentor then it's great if Jana takes her on but to think these guys are sitting around waiting for n/t's to mentor them is not really understainding the self absoption of aspies. She may want to mentor Jana in all thing marine like. </p><p>It's a bit arrogant of us to think we n/t's know what they want or need or to even think they want to be like us. </p><p></p><p>I may be totally off base since I don't know anything about Y but from where I sit, thinking she is dying to be like us doesn't ring true. </p><p></p><p>I would say to see who she really is and what she really would like to do with her life this summer and go from there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 281817, member: 3"] Everywoman, I'm sad to say that I disagree. Aspie like people have a fairly enlarged sense of self and are not really aware that they need to change. As difficult child said, many years ago."how I am is good enough". I think getting a sense of who Y is and what she wants or needs may be a good way to start to help her. If she wants your help. If her clothing style doesn't bother her or she thinks it's her personal signature then she isn't going to "hear" different ways of doing it. If she is aware that she sticks out, then you have a chance to offer suggestions. She may have little drive or need to be part of a group of neurotypical people. If she stays, you have to set a few, solid ground rules. 1) she has to get a job and she has to pay something(even if you save it for her for school) 2) she has to follow basic hygiene 3) she has to contribute to the household by doing x chores that will be listed. Ask her what she thinks she needs or wants from you. If she is fairly articulate then she may tell you that she wants friends or to have a boyfriend or learn to wear make up. At this point, she may want to contact the university so that she can visit and become acquainted with aspects of college life. There are services for those who struggle. I know easy child's school had a group for people with social anxiety. She may not be good with having a roommate. She may suffer anxiety. She may need help with organization and getting to classes since she was home schooled. All thses issues should be addressed by Y and her mother before school starts. I sure would have a lot of questions for Y's mom. How is she going to be supported with school? Is she expected to work? Is mom going to get Y set up with the different supports for Y at the university? When do they as a family plan to do that? What does mom think you are going to do with this child all summer? What are the goals? There should be a reason why she is staying away from her parents. I don't understand why she can't do this stuff in Oklahoma this summer then come out a week or two before school to visit. I guess what I'm saying is that my experience with aspies is that they don't want you to "fix them" or help them be like Jana. You have to ask what they want or need and work that with what you want in your home. If she wants a mentor then it's great if Jana takes her on but to think these guys are sitting around waiting for n/t's to mentor them is not really understainding the self absoption of aspies. She may want to mentor Jana in all thing marine like. It's a bit arrogant of us to think we n/t's know what they want or need or to even think they want to be like us. I may be totally off base since I don't know anything about Y but from where I sit, thinking she is dying to be like us doesn't ring true. I would say to see who she really is and what she really would like to do with her life this summer and go from there. [/QUOTE]
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