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Substance Abuse
What Do You Do About the Bad Peers Who Are Instrumental in Your difficult child's Descent?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 449735"><p>I think a lot depends on the age of the difficult child.... in my experience telling your kid who to be friends with doesn't really work very well.... sometimes its better to kill them with kindness!! So set limits on where they can go, what they can do, make sure parents are home etc. My son was very very angry with me when he was a younger teen because I had rules that I needed to know parents would be home when he went to someones house... and I wouldnt drive him and drop him off at some teen gathering at someones house. We live a way from the hs and where a lot of his friends were.....but he was angry because it cut down on his social life.... I knew given who he was that these gatherings were unsupervised parties and I was not about to let him go. However i learned quickly not to make it about the other kids being a bad influence etc. because that just made him mad and would send him underground in terms of hanging with those friends. </p><p></p><p>Also I learned at least with my difficult child that blaming the friends for his behavior is kind of a smoke screen... fact is he was a difficult child all on his own.</p><p></p><p>As he got older I interfered with less, the friends got worse and he had to learn you hang with people who are trouble, you get in trouble.</p><p></p><p>Funny thing is I have way fewer rules with my daughter because I trust her....she makes good decisions and doesn't do difficult child stuff. </p><p></p><p>So my recommendation is look at the boundaries for what you want your teen to do or not do and set those.... don't make it about the friends.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 449735"] I think a lot depends on the age of the difficult child.... in my experience telling your kid who to be friends with doesn't really work very well.... sometimes its better to kill them with kindness!! So set limits on where they can go, what they can do, make sure parents are home etc. My son was very very angry with me when he was a younger teen because I had rules that I needed to know parents would be home when he went to someones house... and I wouldnt drive him and drop him off at some teen gathering at someones house. We live a way from the hs and where a lot of his friends were.....but he was angry because it cut down on his social life.... I knew given who he was that these gatherings were unsupervised parties and I was not about to let him go. However i learned quickly not to make it about the other kids being a bad influence etc. because that just made him mad and would send him underground in terms of hanging with those friends. Also I learned at least with my difficult child that blaming the friends for his behavior is kind of a smoke screen... fact is he was a difficult child all on his own. As he got older I interfered with less, the friends got worse and he had to learn you hang with people who are trouble, you get in trouble. Funny thing is I have way fewer rules with my daughter because I trust her....she makes good decisions and doesn't do difficult child stuff. So my recommendation is look at the boundaries for what you want your teen to do or not do and set those.... don't make it about the friends. TL [/QUOTE]
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What Do You Do About the Bad Peers Who Are Instrumental in Your difficult child's Descent?
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