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What do you do with the anger?
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<blockquote data-quote="Bean" data-source="post: 399135" data-attributes="member: 8620"><p>Yeah, detaching helps.</p><p></p><p>This was the focus of my last therapy session: anger, resentment. </p><p></p><p>Basically she said I had every reason to feel the way I felt. But that holding onto it wasn't helping me. </p><p></p><p>Forgiveness is huge. It's not saying that you've forgotten, it's just saying that you're going to give up some of those hurt feelings from the past, that they are valid, but that you're letting them go. It doesn't mean you have to give trust where it isn't due. But you're not going to keep hashing out the same thing.</p><p></p><p>It is hard when you have a difficult child, though. I mean, I've forgiven a lot of stuff that happened 3 years ago, when my daughter was living here. The stealing, screaming, lying, disrupting, abuse, fears... it was freaking horrific. I literally have PTSD from dealing with it. Creeps up on me a lot. But I do forgive her. I really have let that go.</p><p></p><p>Hard thing is, she continues to be hurtful. Just this past summer she was with us for a couple months and was mean, cruel, abusive, and stole from us. She told some horrible lies that left me in quite a state. Pushed me over the edge of being able to manage life without medication. I don't mean that to be funny, I mean it honestly. I haven't quite gotten to the point of forgiving her for that yet. I'm working through it.</p><p></p><p>Time is a huge healer. And if you can detach, put some space between you and your child, that helps immensely, I think. When they aren't with you on a day-to-day, when they have to turn the blame on themselves, you don't carry that resentment around every day, hour, minute, second. </p><p></p><p>So, forgive. Over time. Learn to detach and remove, let go of co-dependency, and let yourself start to heal. Maybe not heal from yesterday yet. But some of the other stuff.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bean, post: 399135, member: 8620"] Yeah, detaching helps. This was the focus of my last therapy session: anger, resentment. Basically she said I had every reason to feel the way I felt. But that holding onto it wasn't helping me. Forgiveness is huge. It's not saying that you've forgotten, it's just saying that you're going to give up some of those hurt feelings from the past, that they are valid, but that you're letting them go. It doesn't mean you have to give trust where it isn't due. But you're not going to keep hashing out the same thing. It is hard when you have a difficult child, though. I mean, I've forgiven a lot of stuff that happened 3 years ago, when my daughter was living here. The stealing, screaming, lying, disrupting, abuse, fears... it was freaking horrific. I literally have PTSD from dealing with it. Creeps up on me a lot. But I do forgive her. I really have let that go. Hard thing is, she continues to be hurtful. Just this past summer she was with us for a couple months and was mean, cruel, abusive, and stole from us. She told some horrible lies that left me in quite a state. Pushed me over the edge of being able to manage life without medication. I don't mean that to be funny, I mean it honestly. I haven't quite gotten to the point of forgiving her for that yet. I'm working through it. Time is a huge healer. And if you can detach, put some space between you and your child, that helps immensely, I think. When they aren't with you on a day-to-day, when they have to turn the blame on themselves, you don't carry that resentment around every day, hour, minute, second. So, forgive. Over time. Learn to detach and remove, let go of co-dependency, and let yourself start to heal. Maybe not heal from yesterday yet. But some of the other stuff. [/QUOTE]
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What do you do with the anger?
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