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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 256551" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>We've come to the conclusion that it was all a lie and a manipulation. husband thought maybe difficult child was honestly panicked at the thought that he was going to school because he left his backpack and uniform and books in the driver's van and was going to go to school without them and would be in trouble with drill sergeant and on exclusion. So he went into frantic panicked crying that made my husband believe it was real.</p><p> </p><p>But 'what's wrong with this picture' alarms went off in my head when he told me. After some consideration I thought, evidence leads to lying: he can't have a bookbag in the driver's van. The driver comes with a green van on some days' and a red and silver van on others and occasionally a van with a doubt cab. Sometimes the driver is a man,and sometimes the driver is his wife. And what good would it be to keep a bag with books and a uniform in the driver's van? I pick him up after school, he doesn't see the van in the evening to put his books and uniform back into the bookbag for the next day.</p><p> </p><p>Not to mention, if I pick him up early or unexpectedly, he's not in a uniform. And when I picked him up early I asked, "Do you have everything?" and asked his teacher, "Does he have a bookbag or books or anything he needs to take home?" She said no.</p><p> </p><p>husband said at one point he looked over at difficult child and knew he was lying. But the emotion can be so compelling.</p><p> </p><p>In counselling husband defended difficult child, he was 'afraid' of drill sergeant. He also told the counselor, difficult child ran out of the house because he's afraid of me. 'He's afraid of you, he's afraid of you.'</p><p> </p><p>Every victim needs a bad guy. At home I'm the bad guy. At military school drill sergeant is a bad guy. Out in the neighborhood and at his public school, he makes husband out to be the bad guy (he tried me for a while, but overshot his play and lost credibility so went back to portraying his father as the bad guy). </p><p> </p><p>The public school believes him so thoroughly that a year after he left the school they call the police on us reporting us for child abuse because they thought we might be putting his sister in to military school too because she had a messy desk, looks worried when the teacher yells at her for talking, and wrote an apology letter. He's so good that a year later they have forgotten that he was arrested three times on school property etc... They said we had no trouble with him and you put him in military school. That's how good he is at projecting fear and how convincing he can be with his lies.</p><p> </p><p>I remember the first time I was aware of how powerful a liar he was. He told my husband I was stealing his homework. husband: "How do you know?" difficult child: "I saw her do it while I was cleaning the pool." And he launched into a long detailed description.</p><p> </p><p>When I heard it, the 'what's wrong with this picture' alarms went off. I realized that from no place in the backyard or by the pool could you see th dining room when difficult child does his homework. I took difficult child and husband out to the pool and asked difficult child to describe how he could see me steal his homework when he'd have to see through walls for his story to be true.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child got this, "I'm caught' look on his face, just a flash and then insisted he did see it, and tears welled out of his eyes. I said: "Can you see through walls." He agreed he couldn't, but..."I did see it, I did, I did, I did, did, did..." He was sobbing heartwrenching sobs. I'd say, but can you see thru walls, and every time he'd admit he couldn't. But...and this is the kicker...even though I was standing there and KNEW the story was impossible, and even though I KNEW I'd never stolen his homework, I felt <em>doubt</em>. I <em>believed </em>him. </p><p> </p><p>I was shaking afterwards. I kept trying to try to make sense of what I KNEW was a lie. Maybe he saw something that he interpreted me stealing his homework? But...there was that initial flash of "uh-oh I'm caught." (not to mention all the hundreds of other times his homework disappeared and I was no where around).</p><p> </p><p>It didn't help that when it was all over my husband snapped at me: "Thanks, I didn't need a nice Sunday morning ruined like this." (Yeah, by me defending myself from lies, how dare I stand up for myself from the professional victim--which is why we are in counselling on how to parent him).</p><p> </p><p>He was in fourth grade, about 9 and a half when he did this. And he was soooooo good.</p><p> </p><p>A year later, he accused me of something else, and I said: "Is this like when you looked thru walls and saw me steal your homework?"</p><p> </p><p>He looked at me coolly, imperturbably for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said, "I dreamed that. This one is real."</p><p> </p><p>I had such a chill. </p><p> </p><p>Anyways, husband and I both have come to the conclusion that his meltdown in the car was bogus. But I think husband is still baffled because difficult child was so frantic and anxious the closer we got to the school.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 256551, member: 5169"] We've come to the conclusion that it was all a lie and a manipulation. husband thought maybe difficult child was honestly panicked at the thought that he was going to school because he left his backpack and uniform and books in the driver's van and was going to go to school without them and would be in trouble with drill sergeant and on exclusion. So he went into frantic panicked crying that made my husband believe it was real. But 'what's wrong with this picture' alarms went off in my head when he told me. After some consideration I thought, evidence leads to lying: he can't have a bookbag in the driver's van. The driver comes with a green van on some days' and a red and silver van on others and occasionally a van with a doubt cab. Sometimes the driver is a man,and sometimes the driver is his wife. And what good would it be to keep a bag with books and a uniform in the driver's van? I pick him up after school, he doesn't see the van in the evening to put his books and uniform back into the bookbag for the next day. Not to mention, if I pick him up early or unexpectedly, he's not in a uniform. And when I picked him up early I asked, "Do you have everything?" and asked his teacher, "Does he have a bookbag or books or anything he needs to take home?" She said no. husband said at one point he looked over at difficult child and knew he was lying. But the emotion can be so compelling. In counselling husband defended difficult child, he was 'afraid' of drill sergeant. He also told the counselor, difficult child ran out of the house because he's afraid of me. 'He's afraid of you, he's afraid of you.' Every victim needs a bad guy. At home I'm the bad guy. At military school drill sergeant is a bad guy. Out in the neighborhood and at his public school, he makes husband out to be the bad guy (he tried me for a while, but overshot his play and lost credibility so went back to portraying his father as the bad guy). The public school believes him so thoroughly that a year after he left the school they call the police on us reporting us for child abuse because they thought we might be putting his sister in to military school too because she had a messy desk, looks worried when the teacher yells at her for talking, and wrote an apology letter. He's so good that a year later they have forgotten that he was arrested three times on school property etc... They said we had no trouble with him and you put him in military school. That's how good he is at projecting fear and how convincing he can be with his lies. I remember the first time I was aware of how powerful a liar he was. He told my husband I was stealing his homework. husband: "How do you know?" difficult child: "I saw her do it while I was cleaning the pool." And he launched into a long detailed description. When I heard it, the 'what's wrong with this picture' alarms went off. I realized that from no place in the backyard or by the pool could you see th dining room when difficult child does his homework. I took difficult child and husband out to the pool and asked difficult child to describe how he could see me steal his homework when he'd have to see through walls for his story to be true. difficult child got this, "I'm caught' look on his face, just a flash and then insisted he did see it, and tears welled out of his eyes. I said: "Can you see through walls." He agreed he couldn't, but..."I did see it, I did, I did, I did, did, did..." He was sobbing heartwrenching sobs. I'd say, but can you see thru walls, and every time he'd admit he couldn't. But...and this is the kicker...even though I was standing there and KNEW the story was impossible, and even though I KNEW I'd never stolen his homework, I felt [I]doubt[/I]. I [I]believed [/I]him. I was shaking afterwards. I kept trying to try to make sense of what I KNEW was a lie. Maybe he saw something that he interpreted me stealing his homework? But...there was that initial flash of "uh-oh I'm caught." (not to mention all the hundreds of other times his homework disappeared and I was no where around). It didn't help that when it was all over my husband snapped at me: "Thanks, I didn't need a nice Sunday morning ruined like this." (Yeah, by me defending myself from lies, how dare I stand up for myself from the professional victim--which is why we are in counselling on how to parent him). He was in fourth grade, about 9 and a half when he did this. And he was soooooo good. A year later, he accused me of something else, and I said: "Is this like when you looked thru walls and saw me steal your homework?" He looked at me coolly, imperturbably for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said, "I dreamed that. This one is real." I had such a chill. Anyways, husband and I both have come to the conclusion that his meltdown in the car was bogus. But I think husband is still baffled because difficult child was so frantic and anxious the closer we got to the school. [/QUOTE]
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