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What do you Most Love about your difficult child/G'sFG?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 113147" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>I had to think about this thread before answering. An answer didn't just pop into my head.</p><p></p><p>I would answer this very differently before 18 than after 18. Expectations change and must change or I will treat him like he is a teen instead of the dignity that a young man should be treated. Unfortunately, with adulthood come responsibilities and function that my difficult child still struggles with. There are times when I can see that others wander away from him. He can enter a room and clear it out with his incessant talking or lecturing about a topic that is very obscure. It is very painful to watch. He thinks he is being social and everyone should appreciate it. His disability interferes with accurate social radar or the ability to adequately evaluate his own behavior. I continue to remind family that he is not an "It" but a person. It's easy to just walk away with no regard for the person inside difficult child screaming to connect to someone.</p><p></p><p>The 20's are the age that most parents start to see the fruits of their hard almost gut wrenching work. Small achievements that could only be dreamed about in their teens are starting to wiggle through into difficult child awareness. It is difficult to be patient with a difficult child who struggles with the level of disability and the equal level of ability who can't quite figure it out. </p><p></p><p>Before he was 18, he was a bright, cheerful, sweet hearted young man who was generous to a fault and would champion the under dog at his own expense. He was one of the Mysterymen(if any of you saw that silly movie) </p><p>difficult child has the potential to be quite the leader in a small pond and to be able to help those who are feeling more of an outcast than he. A new student in his dorm was struggling with severe anxiety. He paced, couldn't make eye contact, babbled incessently and was unable to function. difficult child pulled him into his band of "misfits"(I use this term lovingly but for descriptive purposes). Helped this young man to find a niche. Everyone accepted and helped him within the group. Eventually the young man settled into a routine and loved, absolutely loved difficult child. Continues to communicate with him and tells me my difficult child is their group leader. </p><p>I knew none of this but the mother of this boy contacted me. Thanked me with tears in her eyes that her son had friends for the first time in his life. It is a huge gift to me that she shared this story. </p><p></p><p>Now he stands at the precipice of adulthood. Struggling to figure out what he is supposed to do and be even though his natural oppositional (maybe leadership) personality wants to overshadow. He instinctively wants to say that how he is is good enough but intellectually he knows if he wants an independent life he will have to work. He will have to meet minimium standards of responsibility. </p><p></p><p>At this point, I love him simply because he is mine. </p><p></p><p>I was recently reminded that the maternal child bond can fray but it will not be broken. It surprised me because I thought I was pretty realistic and practical. I make my decisions in that way. When put to the test of walking away or confronting those who think we should stop and give up, I was surprised by willingness to give up much to keep hope going for my son's future.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 113147, member: 3"] I had to think about this thread before answering. An answer didn't just pop into my head. I would answer this very differently before 18 than after 18. Expectations change and must change or I will treat him like he is a teen instead of the dignity that a young man should be treated. Unfortunately, with adulthood come responsibilities and function that my difficult child still struggles with. There are times when I can see that others wander away from him. He can enter a room and clear it out with his incessant talking or lecturing about a topic that is very obscure. It is very painful to watch. He thinks he is being social and everyone should appreciate it. His disability interferes with accurate social radar or the ability to adequately evaluate his own behavior. I continue to remind family that he is not an "It" but a person. It's easy to just walk away with no regard for the person inside difficult child screaming to connect to someone. The 20's are the age that most parents start to see the fruits of their hard almost gut wrenching work. Small achievements that could only be dreamed about in their teens are starting to wiggle through into difficult child awareness. It is difficult to be patient with a difficult child who struggles with the level of disability and the equal level of ability who can't quite figure it out. Before he was 18, he was a bright, cheerful, sweet hearted young man who was generous to a fault and would champion the under dog at his own expense. He was one of the Mysterymen(if any of you saw that silly movie) difficult child has the potential to be quite the leader in a small pond and to be able to help those who are feeling more of an outcast than he. A new student in his dorm was struggling with severe anxiety. He paced, couldn't make eye contact, babbled incessently and was unable to function. difficult child pulled him into his band of "misfits"(I use this term lovingly but for descriptive purposes). Helped this young man to find a niche. Everyone accepted and helped him within the group. Eventually the young man settled into a routine and loved, absolutely loved difficult child. Continues to communicate with him and tells me my difficult child is their group leader. I knew none of this but the mother of this boy contacted me. Thanked me with tears in her eyes that her son had friends for the first time in his life. It is a huge gift to me that she shared this story. Now he stands at the precipice of adulthood. Struggling to figure out what he is supposed to do and be even though his natural oppositional (maybe leadership) personality wants to overshadow. He instinctively wants to say that how he is is good enough but intellectually he knows if he wants an independent life he will have to work. He will have to meet minimium standards of responsibility. At this point, I love him simply because he is mine. I was recently reminded that the maternal child bond can fray but it will not be broken. It surprised me because I thought I was pretty realistic and practical. I make my decisions in that way. When put to the test of walking away or confronting those who think we should stop and give up, I was surprised by willingness to give up much to keep hope going for my son's future. [/QUOTE]
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