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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 131483" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Mikey, I know you're between the proverbial rock and hard place. </p><p></p><p>Here's something to think about, though.</p><p>Detachment doesn't necessarily mean ignoring McW's unacceptable behaviour. My take on detaching is that you don't let yourself get drawn in to the emotions and anger and chaos that result when your child is raising he//.</p><p></p><p>I'm not suggesting that you let McW have free run of the house, or break major rules, or anything of the sort. Quite the opposite. I think you need to try as best as you can to remove your emotions from the equation and to let natural consequences take over.</p><p></p><p>Just a few examples:</p><p></p><p>1) McW has proven that he's willing to take the car out without permission. So, a natural consequence might be: disabling the car, or taking away his keys, or calling the police to report the car stolen. </p><p></p><p>2) If curfew is 11 pm, then the door gets locked at 11 pm. Whoever isn't home after curfew has to fend for himself. Ignore the scratching on the door and the ringing doorbell.</p><p></p><p>3) If McW isn't doing school work and is in danger of failing his current program, let him fail. It's up to him to do the work, or not.</p><p></p><p>But whatever you do, do not let him wind you up. Even if you have to sit on your lips as BBK says, do not engage in arguing. McW continues to push against you. If you back away, then he's pushing against nothing.</p><p></p><p>wife may continue to enable McW, but she's on her own path with this. She's clearly not ready to detach yet. If you back away, she can't blame you for any of the choices that McW makes. Step out from between the 2 of them. If wife gets angry at you for defending her against McW, then don't. Natural consequences again.</p><p></p><p>Hope things start to get better. In the meantime, take care of Dancer and Sarge.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 131483, member: 3907"] Mikey, I know you're between the proverbial rock and hard place. Here's something to think about, though. Detachment doesn't necessarily mean ignoring McW's unacceptable behaviour. My take on detaching is that you don't let yourself get drawn in to the emotions and anger and chaos that result when your child is raising he//. I'm not suggesting that you let McW have free run of the house, or break major rules, or anything of the sort. Quite the opposite. I think you need to try as best as you can to remove your emotions from the equation and to let natural consequences take over. Just a few examples: 1) McW has proven that he's willing to take the car out without permission. So, a natural consequence might be: disabling the car, or taking away his keys, or calling the police to report the car stolen. 2) If curfew is 11 pm, then the door gets locked at 11 pm. Whoever isn't home after curfew has to fend for himself. Ignore the scratching on the door and the ringing doorbell. 3) If McW isn't doing school work and is in danger of failing his current program, let him fail. It's up to him to do the work, or not. But whatever you do, do not let him wind you up. Even if you have to sit on your lips as BBK says, do not engage in arguing. McW continues to push against you. If you back away, then he's pushing against nothing. wife may continue to enable McW, but she's on her own path with this. She's clearly not ready to detach yet. If you back away, she can't blame you for any of the choices that McW makes. Step out from between the 2 of them. If wife gets angry at you for defending her against McW, then don't. Natural consequences again. Hope things start to get better. In the meantime, take care of Dancer and Sarge. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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