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<blockquote data-quote="Coookie" data-source="post: 131504" data-attributes="member: 1587"><p>Hi Mikey,</p><p> </p><p>I typed up a response to this thread a few days ago and then my system crashed and it went into Cyber Heaven but I wanted you to know that I have been following this. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p> </p><p>I agree with Trinity's last response. Your difficult child and your wife are not going to change the dynamics of the drama that they both share until they have too and I don't think words are going to help them see that. Only actions perhaps.</p><p> </p><p>You want the marriage to work... does wife? You want the drama to stop... does wife? Your concerned about your finances... is wife? You want your difficult child to get on the right road no matter what that takes.. does wife?</p><p> </p><p>I am/was an enabler from way back... making excuses, controlling the situations, dealing with the what if's... if difficult child was left to stand alone and deal with the consequences.. blaming my husband for not "fixing" things. AND my husband wanting to take a stand but my knocking the wind out of him. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p> </p><p>Nothing will change in your home with your difficult child until your wife gets on board with the detaching and letting difficult child grow up and face himself. No matter what you do Mikey.. but there are some concrete things I think you can do to protect your family until that happens....</p><p> </p><p>Change your bank account, credit cards, cancel the cell phone and do whatever else you need to do to keep your self from being pulled into financial disaster. Your wife will not like it but it seems she is not too thrilled with anything you try to do at this point anyway. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p> </p><p>It was almost like I had to "swallow my heart" to let difficult child deal with the consequences from his choices and I probably would not be where I am today if it hadn't been completely taken out of my hands by the US Government in the beginning. It is a daily process, sometimes a minute to minute thing, especially when they live with you. Changing the words we say to ourselves, pushing out the enabling phrases... "Oh my, how will he be able to get here, or do that, or SURVIVE without our help". </p><p> </p><p>They sure seem to do it, and in the process do the things they need to do. At least in my case. </p><p> </p><p>Things are not perfect here... they aren't anywhere though but I refuse to fall back into the enabling person I was. He is an adult, as is your difficult child. Sometimes their lives have to get so UGLY that they can see the difference in what they have... and had. </p><p> </p><p>My difficult child talks about drinking a lot... But he knows if he does, while he is living here... he will not be living here.</p><p> </p><p>I know that probably the Detachment Article has been recommended to you for you and your wife, but if not I highly recommend it. Not only for reading but for applying to your thoughts and your wife's also.</p><p> </p><p>It seems that not only is McWeedy a difficult child but your wife is acting like one too. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry if I seem harsh, I really do understand... too much I'm afraid. </p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p> </p><p>Holding good thoughts for your family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Coookie, post: 131504, member: 1587"] Hi Mikey, I typed up a response to this thread a few days ago and then my system crashed and it went into Cyber Heaven but I wanted you to know that I have been following this. :( I agree with Trinity's last response. Your difficult child and your wife are not going to change the dynamics of the drama that they both share until they have too and I don't think words are going to help them see that. Only actions perhaps. You want the marriage to work... does wife? You want the drama to stop... does wife? Your concerned about your finances... is wife? You want your difficult child to get on the right road no matter what that takes.. does wife? I am/was an enabler from way back... making excuses, controlling the situations, dealing with the what if's... if difficult child was left to stand alone and deal with the consequences.. blaming my husband for not "fixing" things. AND my husband wanting to take a stand but my knocking the wind out of him. :( Nothing will change in your home with your difficult child until your wife gets on board with the detaching and letting difficult child grow up and face himself. No matter what you do Mikey.. but there are some concrete things I think you can do to protect your family until that happens.... Change your bank account, credit cards, cancel the cell phone and do whatever else you need to do to keep your self from being pulled into financial disaster. Your wife will not like it but it seems she is not too thrilled with anything you try to do at this point anyway. :( It was almost like I had to "swallow my heart" to let difficult child deal with the consequences from his choices and I probably would not be where I am today if it hadn't been completely taken out of my hands by the US Government in the beginning. It is a daily process, sometimes a minute to minute thing, especially when they live with you. Changing the words we say to ourselves, pushing out the enabling phrases... "Oh my, how will he be able to get here, or do that, or SURVIVE without our help". They sure seem to do it, and in the process do the things they need to do. At least in my case. Things are not perfect here... they aren't anywhere though but I refuse to fall back into the enabling person I was. He is an adult, as is your difficult child. Sometimes their lives have to get so UGLY that they can see the difference in what they have... and had. My difficult child talks about drinking a lot... But he knows if he does, while he is living here... he will not be living here. I know that probably the Detachment Article has been recommended to you for you and your wife, but if not I highly recommend it. Not only for reading but for applying to your thoughts and your wife's also. It seems that not only is McWeedy a difficult child but your wife is acting like one too. :( I'm sorry if I seem harsh, I really do understand... too much I'm afraid. :( Holding good thoughts for your family. [/QUOTE]
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