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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 131550" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Mikey,</p><p>you have received awesome advice here. I will just add that if my husband allowed me to mistreat him the way your wife mistreats you I would have no respect for him. I do not want him to be so afraid of losing me that he will put up with anything. I don't always like what he says or does and I can fly off the handle pretty easily--especially back when the kids were younger and difficult child 1 was living with us and I was enabling her. But, I really do not want a husband who is afraid of me!</p><p></p><p>On to Dancer. I so agree with Deb--this turmoil at home is terrible for her to witness. And everyone is putting McWeedy 1st. It may not seem so but that is how it will appear to Dancer. His needs come first, he is the center of attention, he is the one everyone is thinking about all the time. Dancer is not acting out so her needs get pushed to the side. I know--this is what I did with difficult child 1. My 2 other kids who were PCs at the time pretty much got ignored because they were doing what they were supposed to do. Only later did I find out that my older son felt he had no one and my younger dtr developed a dissociative disorder to cope with difficult child 1. </p><p></p><p>I also think you like these verbal sparring matches with McWeedy--you get so angry and then you get to rant and rave. This is satisfying to you but does not help McWeedy. These kids don't care--they will put up with a ranting parent as long as they can do whatever it is they want to do. He is still controlling the whole household--you let him in! To his mind, who cares about all the yelling, he got back in! I think he knows people will yell, cry, etc. but no one will actually just shut up and let the natural consequences occur.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to sound harsh, I am just feeling frustrated for and by you! I wish a bunch of us could meet with you in person and hash this all out.</p><p></p><p>Take care,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 131550, member: 3208"] Mikey, you have received awesome advice here. I will just add that if my husband allowed me to mistreat him the way your wife mistreats you I would have no respect for him. I do not want him to be so afraid of losing me that he will put up with anything. I don't always like what he says or does and I can fly off the handle pretty easily--especially back when the kids were younger and difficult child 1 was living with us and I was enabling her. But, I really do not want a husband who is afraid of me! On to Dancer. I so agree with Deb--this turmoil at home is terrible for her to witness. And everyone is putting McWeedy 1st. It may not seem so but that is how it will appear to Dancer. His needs come first, he is the center of attention, he is the one everyone is thinking about all the time. Dancer is not acting out so her needs get pushed to the side. I know--this is what I did with difficult child 1. My 2 other kids who were PCs at the time pretty much got ignored because they were doing what they were supposed to do. Only later did I find out that my older son felt he had no one and my younger dtr developed a dissociative disorder to cope with difficult child 1. I also think you like these verbal sparring matches with McWeedy--you get so angry and then you get to rant and rave. This is satisfying to you but does not help McWeedy. These kids don't care--they will put up with a ranting parent as long as they can do whatever it is they want to do. He is still controlling the whole household--you let him in! To his mind, who cares about all the yelling, he got back in! I think he knows people will yell, cry, etc. but no one will actually just shut up and let the natural consequences occur. Sorry to sound harsh, I am just feeling frustrated for and by you! I wish a bunch of us could meet with you in person and hash this all out. Take care, Jane [/QUOTE]
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