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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 646629" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>We should not assume that the connection missing the blogster talks about would necessary be connection to parents. Most get addicted as teens or youngish adults, some later in adulthood.</p><p></p><p>For a baby primary connection is (usually) to mother and that connection is enough for the baby. Toddler starts to wider their horizon when it comes to connections and dad, siblings, grandparents etc. come important. When they are at school age, peer group starts to become bigger and bigger connection and in teens it is more influential than parents already.</p><p></p><p>In later teens or young adulthood parents can love unconditionally as much as they can, but it doesn't mean that much, when talking meaningful connections for those teens and young adults. Connection to friends, feedback they get from them, trying to fit in, boyfriends or girlfriends, connection to something meaningful to do; going to school and studying something that interests you, having a work you find meaningful (and not just a way to make some money), interacting with work- or schoolmates, neighbours and so on, having plans for future and feeling connected to country/system you are living in, being connected to more abstract things like meaning of life, some spiritual or ethical world view etc. is much more relevant in that age than how kid gets along with parents.</p><p></p><p>Often, when reading people posts about their troubled children here, it is striking, how few or bad connections those troubled children have in their live outside their childhood family. How they have failed to develop all those other connections their healthy peers have at that age (and yes, often substituted them either with substances or very poor quality connections with 'friends' who either take advantage of them or from whom our problem children try to take advantage.)</p><p></p><p>I also have to say, that most people I know who have overcome substance abuse issues, have done it, because they have something meaningful to do or meaningful interpersonal connections.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 646629, member: 14557"] We should not assume that the connection missing the blogster talks about would necessary be connection to parents. Most get addicted as teens or youngish adults, some later in adulthood. For a baby primary connection is (usually) to mother and that connection is enough for the baby. Toddler starts to wider their horizon when it comes to connections and dad, siblings, grandparents etc. come important. When they are at school age, peer group starts to become bigger and bigger connection and in teens it is more influential than parents already. In later teens or young adulthood parents can love unconditionally as much as they can, but it doesn't mean that much, when talking meaningful connections for those teens and young adults. Connection to friends, feedback they get from them, trying to fit in, boyfriends or girlfriends, connection to something meaningful to do; going to school and studying something that interests you, having a work you find meaningful (and not just a way to make some money), interacting with work- or schoolmates, neighbours and so on, having plans for future and feeling connected to country/system you are living in, being connected to more abstract things like meaning of life, some spiritual or ethical world view etc. is much more relevant in that age than how kid gets along with parents. Often, when reading people posts about their troubled children here, it is striking, how few or bad connections those troubled children have in their live outside their childhood family. How they have failed to develop all those other connections their healthy peers have at that age (and yes, often substituted them either with substances or very poor quality connections with 'friends' who either take advantage of them or from whom our problem children try to take advantage.) I also have to say, that most people I know who have overcome substance abuse issues, have done it, because they have something meaningful to do or meaningful interpersonal connections. [/QUOTE]
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