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General Parenting
What do you think of what the counsellor suggests?
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<blockquote data-quote="confuzzled" data-source="post: 532739" data-attributes="member: 8831"><p>not there are a parent either, so you can take this for what its worth.</p><p></p><p>i get your point and your rules and reasons are valid ones.</p><p></p><p>but i'm no longer 16. </p><p></p><p>are you even sure your son truly has the maturity and ability to conform to all of these rules? because just living with a girlfriend doesnt make him a man--it seems to me there are still some significant impulse control issues and immaturity factoring in, so it would seem to me, that as a parent, well, yes, you DO need to have some aspect of control.</p><p></p><p>i think on things that will have life altering consequences you do have to be in charge. i also think you have to have the foresight to realize a 16 year old cant see tomorrow, let alone 10 years from now, even when dealing with a typical teen.</p><p></p><p>i was a good kid. great student. held a real full time job at 16 with real responsibilities. i made a questionable judgement call (i cant even now call it a bad call, and even now would probably not do it differently--it in no way was something harmful, illegal or dangerous--it was a typical teenager thing)....</p><p></p><p>and my punishment was my parents refusal to pay for college.</p><p></p><p>i did a whole lot of maturing between 16 and 17--i wasnt even close to the same person. i got into some very good colleges. i was a responsible citizen by college age. but no matter, it was a closed discussion.</p><p></p><p>a split second questionable decision altered my life forever, and i absolutely never forgave them for it. in fact, i moved out of the house for good right after i graduated HS, and never lived under their roof again. i was fortunate to have been self sufficient enough to make it, and to have enough drive to go on to college on my own, but struggled every step of the way.</p><p></p><p>i'd like to say i'd thank them for making me who i am today, but umm, nope....all the credit for that lies strictly on my own shoulders. and i'm also the first to tell you i was one of the lucky ones--certainly had i been a different type of person it could have all gone very differently. </p><p></p><p>it would be much <em>more</em> productive for everyone involved to be more solution based--together figure out what would either get him through traditional school, alternative school, modified school, home school or whatever, and how to help him move forward educationally and leave the discussion of who's paying what when out of it for now....if you ask me, he doesnt really have the capability to grasp the full concept of life after---he's still in the moment. clearly he still struggles with something on the school front...maybe even just asking him what would make it easier for him would at least help him know you recognize that it IS something he struggles with and you want to be supportive, not punitive. </p><p></p><p>every kid is different of course, but the one thing most of the difficult child's here have is a pretty big lag in maturity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="confuzzled, post: 532739, member: 8831"] not there are a parent either, so you can take this for what its worth. i get your point and your rules and reasons are valid ones. but i'm no longer 16. are you even sure your son truly has the maturity and ability to conform to all of these rules? because just living with a girlfriend doesnt make him a man--it seems to me there are still some significant impulse control issues and immaturity factoring in, so it would seem to me, that as a parent, well, yes, you DO need to have some aspect of control. i think on things that will have life altering consequences you do have to be in charge. i also think you have to have the foresight to realize a 16 year old cant see tomorrow, let alone 10 years from now, even when dealing with a typical teen. i was a good kid. great student. held a real full time job at 16 with real responsibilities. i made a questionable judgement call (i cant even now call it a bad call, and even now would probably not do it differently--it in no way was something harmful, illegal or dangerous--it was a typical teenager thing).... and my punishment was my parents refusal to pay for college. i did a whole lot of maturing between 16 and 17--i wasnt even close to the same person. i got into some very good colleges. i was a responsible citizen by college age. but no matter, it was a closed discussion. a split second questionable decision altered my life forever, and i absolutely never forgave them for it. in fact, i moved out of the house for good right after i graduated HS, and never lived under their roof again. i was fortunate to have been self sufficient enough to make it, and to have enough drive to go on to college on my own, but struggled every step of the way. i'd like to say i'd thank them for making me who i am today, but umm, nope....all the credit for that lies strictly on my own shoulders. and i'm also the first to tell you i was one of the lucky ones--certainly had i been a different type of person it could have all gone very differently. it would be much [I]more[/I] productive for everyone involved to be more solution based--together figure out what would either get him through traditional school, alternative school, modified school, home school or whatever, and how to help him move forward educationally and leave the discussion of who's paying what when out of it for now....if you ask me, he doesnt really have the capability to grasp the full concept of life after---he's still in the moment. clearly he still struggles with something on the school front...maybe even just asking him what would make it easier for him would at least help him know you recognize that it IS something he struggles with and you want to be supportive, not punitive. every kid is different of course, but the one thing most of the difficult child's here have is a pretty big lag in maturity. [/QUOTE]
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