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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 457879" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>When I make a "do to get" deal with my own kiddo and it is something I really want done absolutely correctly with no wiggleroom, I put it in writing. He gets a "honey-do" list that lines out specifically what I want done. It also usually comes with some type of time frame limitation like = needs to be done by 5 pm because the library closes at 6 and I am not driving 20 mins oneway to get there just as they round up everybody to close. Or needs to be done by 3 pm, because if I have to finish the job myself, I will be too tired to do [whatever the reward for the deal was]. Needs to be done by Sat. morning 11 am, or else I go shopping and spend the $$ on groceries, clothes, dog stuff etc...</p><p></p><p>So - specific goals, individual steps to get there [sometimes literally in the right order], a time limit when the deal is off. Goal not reached - so sorry, son. Another time perhaps.</p><p></p><p>In regards to putting him out on the road driving - please do not! He is so obviously not ready - from the common sense point to the really wanting to point. If you give in and let him, you are putting not only him at risk [and anybody who rides with him] - but also countless innocent bystanders, pedestrians, and other drivers. Driving is a priviledge, an obligation to drive well, and a reward that allows more freedom all rolled into one. With his attitude he really doesn't deserve nor appreciate either of the three. Your husband is probably well in the right in this regards [never mind the other headbumping going on between the two of them]. </p><p></p><p>Your difficult child has a huge sense of entitlement [like most of them do] and you are backslipping into enabling him. Every reward you have offered him so far - costed you money. Paint, glasses, contacts, a promise for a future car. So far he has not done a single thing you asked him, and actually has wasted money spend on glasses and contacts by destroying them. Buy him new one, give him a car, gas money, and more range to get into more creative troubles, hunt for drugs, booze or bad friends - so really seriously not! You are molly coddling him, coaxing and bribing for good behavior and it is so obviously not working, or is it. Sweetie - you need rules, consequences and you need to close rank with your husband instead of siding with your son [bio-son or not] who is manipulating and playing you along, if you want to have something left to own at the end of the road.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 457879, member: 12241"] When I make a "do to get" deal with my own kiddo and it is something I really want done absolutely correctly with no wiggleroom, I put it in writing. He gets a "honey-do" list that lines out specifically what I want done. It also usually comes with some type of time frame limitation like = needs to be done by 5 pm because the library closes at 6 and I am not driving 20 mins oneway to get there just as they round up everybody to close. Or needs to be done by 3 pm, because if I have to finish the job myself, I will be too tired to do [whatever the reward for the deal was]. Needs to be done by Sat. morning 11 am, or else I go shopping and spend the $$ on groceries, clothes, dog stuff etc... So - specific goals, individual steps to get there [sometimes literally in the right order], a time limit when the deal is off. Goal not reached - so sorry, son. Another time perhaps. In regards to putting him out on the road driving - please do not! He is so obviously not ready - from the common sense point to the really wanting to point. If you give in and let him, you are putting not only him at risk [and anybody who rides with him] - but also countless innocent bystanders, pedestrians, and other drivers. Driving is a priviledge, an obligation to drive well, and a reward that allows more freedom all rolled into one. With his attitude he really doesn't deserve nor appreciate either of the three. Your husband is probably well in the right in this regards [never mind the other headbumping going on between the two of them]. Your difficult child has a huge sense of entitlement [like most of them do] and you are backslipping into enabling him. Every reward you have offered him so far - costed you money. Paint, glasses, contacts, a promise for a future car. So far he has not done a single thing you asked him, and actually has wasted money spend on glasses and contacts by destroying them. Buy him new one, give him a car, gas money, and more range to get into more creative troubles, hunt for drugs, booze or bad friends - so really seriously not! You are molly coddling him, coaxing and bribing for good behavior and it is so obviously not working, or is it. Sweetie - you need rules, consequences and you need to close rank with your husband instead of siding with your son [bio-son or not] who is manipulating and playing you along, if you want to have something left to own at the end of the road. [/QUOTE]
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