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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 458003" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry I sounded so harsh in my post to you. I didn't mean to be so vehement toward you.</p><p></p><p>Back when Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital for 4 months, LONG before driving was even an issue, we dealt with the behaviors that you are dealing with. Even during the honeymoon period the staff quickly identified manipulating and justifying as two of his biggest problems. husband and I were partly to blame for this because if he had a good, logical reason for something we would consider changing what we had said. This isn't a bad thing with a easy child, but with a difficult child it means that they can argue their way out of everything.</p><p></p><p>Fixing the problems with justifying and manipulating was NOT easy. It wasn't just that we refused to argue with him, we also worked to recognize them as soon as they started, rather than getting into the trap of listening to his arguments/whines/excuses. Each time we caught him we said either "justifying" or "manipulating". Those words let him know we were wise to his game, that he had best stop it right NOW with-o further words, and that if he continued there was going to be a consequence. It also meant that whatever he hoped to gain by manipulating or justifying simply was not going to happen. We used hard physical labor for his consequences. He cleared a LOT of brush at my folks' home, scrubbed a lot of grout and bathtubs, even dug a couple of three foot deep holes in the yard. After he dug one, the next time he got a consequence it would be to fill up that big hole. then he would get to dig another. Yes, those were POINTLESS chores, the digging I mean. It was NOT pointless to his behavior - he learned that if he didn't want to dig holes, then he better wise up and stop the manipulation and justifying.</p><p></p><p>It is as much work for YOU to see through the emotional turmoil that he stirs up with his accusations, finger pointing, and other methods to manipulate you and justify why he should have whatever that he hasn't earned, would destroy fi he had it and likely would hurt others and their property with the item on his way to destroying it. But it does give you a standard answer and lest you just stop your part of the dialogue.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 458003, member: 1233"] I am sorry I sounded so harsh in my post to you. I didn't mean to be so vehement toward you. Back when Wiz was in the psychiatric hospital for 4 months, LONG before driving was even an issue, we dealt with the behaviors that you are dealing with. Even during the honeymoon period the staff quickly identified manipulating and justifying as two of his biggest problems. husband and I were partly to blame for this because if he had a good, logical reason for something we would consider changing what we had said. This isn't a bad thing with a easy child, but with a difficult child it means that they can argue their way out of everything. Fixing the problems with justifying and manipulating was NOT easy. It wasn't just that we refused to argue with him, we also worked to recognize them as soon as they started, rather than getting into the trap of listening to his arguments/whines/excuses. Each time we caught him we said either "justifying" or "manipulating". Those words let him know we were wise to his game, that he had best stop it right NOW with-o further words, and that if he continued there was going to be a consequence. It also meant that whatever he hoped to gain by manipulating or justifying simply was not going to happen. We used hard physical labor for his consequences. He cleared a LOT of brush at my folks' home, scrubbed a lot of grout and bathtubs, even dug a couple of three foot deep holes in the yard. After he dug one, the next time he got a consequence it would be to fill up that big hole. then he would get to dig another. Yes, those were POINTLESS chores, the digging I mean. It was NOT pointless to his behavior - he learned that if he didn't want to dig holes, then he better wise up and stop the manipulation and justifying. It is as much work for YOU to see through the emotional turmoil that he stirs up with his accusations, finger pointing, and other methods to manipulate you and justify why he should have whatever that he hasn't earned, would destroy fi he had it and likely would hurt others and their property with the item on his way to destroying it. But it does give you a standard answer and lest you just stop your part of the dialogue. [/QUOTE]
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