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What does detachment look like to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 617854" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Detachment is so freaking hard and scary, and it goes against everything I ever knew and felt and wanted as the mother of a precious son. It is unnatural. But after I started getting a little taste of it, I liked it. It gave me some peace. And so, I have continued the hard work. Still working. </p><p></p><p>It's remembering. Remembering that I have tried every single thing in the world to help him and Nothing, but nothing has worked. In fact, it's just gotten worse. Remembering all of the things that have happened, each really more horrifying than the last. </p><p></p><p>It's being sick and tired. Oh, I am so, so sick and tired. I hate drama now. I hate lies. I hate the relentless pushing and pulling for something. I hate the lack of responsibility. The blaming. The victimhood. Help me, help me, pay for this, do this, take me, make it happen. I hate all of it from a 24yo. It's just wrong. </p><p></p><p>It's listening to other people's stories and seeing that they are exactly like my story. There is nothing unique here, in any of our stories. This is a certainty in the numbers of stories and how they all take the same course. </p><p></p><p>It's realizing that when I'm talking to him I bring all my love with me. He doesn't. I'm no match for that. </p><p></p><p>Within the past three weeks I have taken another step forward. At first it really scared me. I didn't like it because I just felt empty toward him. I was thinking more about myself and how the next thing would affect me, not him. That was new. In a way, I feel like he is gone. Like someone said here, detachment is a sort of death. </p><p></p><p>I could get lost in grief about it, but strangely I have not. I have already grieved so much. Maybe I am through with grief for now. </p><p></p><p>I just feel free. I feel like I am finally, finally getting it. </p><p></p><p>From Dec. 21 til January 2 he was homeless. One day he texted me from his computer 262 times. Just dots and question marks. My detachment, my real detachment, took a giant step forward that day. That was nothing but simple pure harassment. </p><p></p><p>And I am worth more than that. I have loved him to he#$ and back. I have stood by him. I don't deserve any of this. </p><p></p><p>Today, it's really more about me. Oh, I'm sure I will falter again. I will enable again. But I'm even okay with that. I am okay with my mistakes as long as I continue to make progress. My prayer is this: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Help me, help me, help me. Help me stay out of the way of my precious son and of others in my life. Help me mind my own business. Help me focus on myself and how I need to change to be a better person. That's a full time job and if I'm working that job, I don't have time for any part-time jobs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 617854, member: 17542"] Detachment is so freaking hard and scary, and it goes against everything I ever knew and felt and wanted as the mother of a precious son. It is unnatural. But after I started getting a little taste of it, I liked it. It gave me some peace. And so, I have continued the hard work. Still working. It's remembering. Remembering that I have tried every single thing in the world to help him and Nothing, but nothing has worked. In fact, it's just gotten worse. Remembering all of the things that have happened, each really more horrifying than the last. It's being sick and tired. Oh, I am so, so sick and tired. I hate drama now. I hate lies. I hate the relentless pushing and pulling for something. I hate the lack of responsibility. The blaming. The victimhood. Help me, help me, pay for this, do this, take me, make it happen. I hate all of it from a 24yo. It's just wrong. It's listening to other people's stories and seeing that they are exactly like my story. There is nothing unique here, in any of our stories. This is a certainty in the numbers of stories and how they all take the same course. It's realizing that when I'm talking to him I bring all my love with me. He doesn't. I'm no match for that. Within the past three weeks I have taken another step forward. At first it really scared me. I didn't like it because I just felt empty toward him. I was thinking more about myself and how the next thing would affect me, not him. That was new. In a way, I feel like he is gone. Like someone said here, detachment is a sort of death. I could get lost in grief about it, but strangely I have not. I have already grieved so much. Maybe I am through with grief for now. I just feel free. I feel like I am finally, finally getting it. From Dec. 21 til January 2 he was homeless. One day he texted me from his computer 262 times. Just dots and question marks. My detachment, my real detachment, took a giant step forward that day. That was nothing but simple pure harassment. And I am worth more than that. I have loved him to he#$ and back. I have stood by him. I don't deserve any of this. Today, it's really more about me. Oh, I'm sure I will falter again. I will enable again. But I'm even okay with that. I am okay with my mistakes as long as I continue to make progress. My prayer is this: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Help me, help me, help me. Help me stay out of the way of my precious son and of others in my life. Help me mind my own business. Help me focus on myself and how I need to change to be a better person. That's a full time job and if I'm working that job, I don't have time for any part-time jobs. [/QUOTE]
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