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What does "enable" really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 736248" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Thank you for sharing RN. Little did any of us know that we would be wrestling with addictions grip, when we were lovingly raising our children. I remember well, my first visit with a therapist. After telling my woeful tale, she looked at me and point blank said 'You are an enabler." Those words spun in my head, as I tried to swallow that word. I silently retorted "You are a labeler." I don't like labeling people. Albeit, it was a true thing, that my trying desperately to "help" my adult children and grands, didn't help them at all, and brought my house down to Jerry Springer episodes of drama and chaos. My children's descent into drug use, created a descent of my own, despair, guilt, sadness. Not knowing which way to turn. The last thing I needed was a label.</p><p>The shock of it did wake me up. I had to face it.</p><p>It is a hard, hard thing to witness adult children derailing. Our first instinct is to try with all of our might to stop the train wreck. I believe addiction entraps everyone personally involved with an addict. It is an ongoing work in progress, to disentangle. As long as my two are out there using, I have to work hard at keeping my guard up, lifting myself above the sadness, being the change I wish to see in my two.</p><p>Though the word is harsh, it was something I needed to hear. It made me look at the revolving door to my home, the craziness that had occurred there, the nightmare we were living.</p><p>I had to take a step back. I gave my two into Gods hands.</p><p>I applaud those like you, who were able to get adult children to treatment. It is a ray of hope for parents like me, who have been on this road for so long.</p><p>We can take words like "enable" and turn them around. I am enabling myself to walk daily with this, knowing that at this juncture, it is completely up to my d cs, to decide differently. To choose better. The word rehab, or shelter, was met with rolling eyeballs and upturned lip. I learned that I could not fix the mess they got themselves into.</p><p>I learned to switch focus to what I can control, my own emotions and reactions. It is a constant effort. Detachment is another word that sends a different kind of message. It seems foreign to not be attached to a child that I nurtured. There will always be a connection to all of my children.</p><p>I prefer disentanglement. We get so caught up with what our kids are doing. Basing our own ability to enjoy life, on whether they are walking the straight and narrow. What a web addiction weaves around everyone related to a using addict.</p><p>Thank you for sharing this article. I think there are many perspectives when it comes to traveling this journey. </p><p>Regaining our own lives back, no matter what any of our adult children are doing is key. </p><p>Life is full of challenges, but also countless blessings. Every day is a new opportunity to work on our peace and joy.</p><p>Love to you.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 736248, member: 19522"] Thank you for sharing RN. Little did any of us know that we would be wrestling with addictions grip, when we were lovingly raising our children. I remember well, my first visit with a therapist. After telling my woeful tale, she looked at me and point blank said 'You are an enabler." Those words spun in my head, as I tried to swallow that word. I silently retorted "You are a labeler." I don't like labeling people. Albeit, it was a true thing, that my trying desperately to "help" my adult children and grands, didn't help them at all, and brought my house down to Jerry Springer episodes of drama and chaos. My children's descent into drug use, created a descent of my own, despair, guilt, sadness. Not knowing which way to turn. The last thing I needed was a label. The shock of it did wake me up. I had to face it. It is a hard, hard thing to witness adult children derailing. Our first instinct is to try with all of our might to stop the train wreck. I believe addiction entraps everyone personally involved with an addict. It is an ongoing work in progress, to disentangle. As long as my two are out there using, I have to work hard at keeping my guard up, lifting myself above the sadness, being the change I wish to see in my two. Though the word is harsh, it was something I needed to hear. It made me look at the revolving door to my home, the craziness that had occurred there, the nightmare we were living. I had to take a step back. I gave my two into Gods hands. I applaud those like you, who were able to get adult children to treatment. It is a ray of hope for parents like me, who have been on this road for so long. We can take words like "enable" and turn them around. I am enabling myself to walk daily with this, knowing that at this juncture, it is completely up to my d cs, to decide differently. To choose better. The word rehab, or shelter, was met with rolling eyeballs and upturned lip. I learned that I could not fix the mess they got themselves into. I learned to switch focus to what I can control, my own emotions and reactions. It is a constant effort. Detachment is another word that sends a different kind of message. It seems foreign to not be attached to a child that I nurtured. There will always be a connection to all of my children. I prefer disentanglement. We get so caught up with what our kids are doing. Basing our own ability to enjoy life, on whether they are walking the straight and narrow. What a web addiction weaves around everyone related to a using addict. Thank you for sharing this article. I think there are many perspectives when it comes to traveling this journey. Regaining our own lives back, no matter what any of our adult children are doing is key. Life is full of challenges, but also countless blessings. Every day is a new opportunity to work on our peace and joy. Love to you. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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